Feeling bloody alone

[korimako90]

I’m in NZ. Self ID was voted in by the NZ green/labour govt last year, (even though 75% of the submissions were against). and they say, we live in a democratic society in NZ (yeh right).

I have been on these boards as a lurker and an occasional poster for 15 years.

I’m pretty depressed about my marriage tonight. I have been talking to my husband about the shit coming for women with the trans thing for about the last 7 years.

I always suspected he never gave a shit, but tonight he not only confirmed my suspicions, he turned on me.

He told me I should be ‘ashamed’ of myself when I told him men with long hair who ‘identified’ as women are not women, and they never will be. Feel shook. a And quite angry.

Would he be prepared to give you an hour or so of his time to watch the Adult Human Female film? It might help explain.

Well, the shit hit the fan with my DH of many years last night when I told him that I thought transwomen were men, not women. We don't disagree on much, other than what temperature to have the thermostat! He said my views were right wing and transphobic, and did I seriously think transwomen shouldn't have access to women's spaces- he even mentioned the stupid phrase "assigned at birth"! I tried to explain to him how what I thought about the issue and he walked out in a strop. (Oh, and he knows I come on here so he blamed mumsnet).

This morning he was all, "Do you want a coffee," until I said, "So are you going to pretend last night didn't happen?" He said he was surprised at my views, and I said I was surprised he was surprised - that I've been a feminist since I was about 5 and women come first for me. To cut a long story short, we did actually have a more reasoned discussion this morning, in which he said that whether transwomen are women depends on context. I asked him what in what context a man who has self-IDed as a woman after living as a woman for six months, is actually a woman. He didn't come up with a single situation, he just said their pronouns and name should be respected.

Oh, and we had lots of discussion of male violence against women, and why I'm not prepared to accept that transwomen should have access to women-only spaces any time soon.

I feel for you OP.

Holy fuck! Good on you girl for standing up. I am in awe xx

Tell him you’re suprised to hear that he’d sleep with someone with a dick.

I'm sorry about your situation OP. I think the sad reality is that many men who identify as Nice Blokes don't think of women as fully human, but as partially-sentient support bipeds. That's why they're astounded when some of the support bipeds don't just roll over and provide service with a smile to the Actual People (a.k.a. men). Thus inadvertently proving that they can full well tell who is a man and who is a woman.

Every adult older than 30 has had the opportunity to experience the path to adulthood without being misinformed about the nature of sex. Many of us who speak now do so because and in spite of being gender non-conforming. We know what it would have meant to us when we were coming of age to be told we were really the opposite sex and should act on that information. Any adult who does not stand for the right of young people to be supported to be who they are in the sexed bodies they are born in, without feeling they are in some way wrong for being gender non-conforming should really be ashamed of themselves.

I am angry at the lack of support for adult females. But I am livid at the abuse towards children that is enabled by this nonsense. I feel for you OP, but you are without a doubt in the right in this. There are no two sides.

There are two things that really shock me.

Anyone thinking that someone assigned male at birth who's lived as a man for 30 odd years should be imprisoned/hospitalised/allowed access to women's sports/changing rooms on their own say so.

Anyone thinking a child should undergo experimental, life changing medical treatment for a condition with no measurable symptoms.

I mean, that's remarkable.

Keep drip feeding him. He will get there eventually. It’s frustrating to watch the journey though.

I agree with the PP who just let rip at a man who has zero idea what it is like growing up as a woman and now think it’s super kind to just let them saunter on in. Nope no noooooo no way no. Then the men may wake up and think holy moly they really DO have their own minds those women. Ok maybe we had better listen up.

👌

I’m so sorry OP. That must be a shock. I’m also in New Zealand, and there are many of us who don’t buy in to the lunacy (just not enough in positions of power, I suppose). Have you been in touch with Speak Up For Women? They might be able to put you in touch with likeminded women.