Distressed by current state of affairs

[Hollyhocky]

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post but I’m deeply distressed by everything happening right now with regards to Women’s rights being eroded.

I may be experiencing PTSD (abuse survivor) and it feels like I’m about to have a breakdown.

I wish I were one of those strong women fighting tirelessly and with confidence and conviction on behalf of other women but I’m not. I feel weak and powerless and intimidated by TRAs, just like they want women to feel.

Where would be a good place to ask for support? FFS I’ve even heard the Samaritans are anti-GC.

I'm sorry you're going through it. Do what you need to do to look after yourself. There are a lot of women in the fight now, have a break, take time out when you need to and let others carry the load.

Not sure re resources but didn't want to read and run. Someone more helpful than me will be along soon

It sounds like you'd benefit from talking with a therapist or a counsellor. It's not a crisis service, and it's online, but Better Help is good. You can email with your therapist between sessions and can change therapists easily if yours doesn't suit.

I want to validate your feelings because it genuinely is scary what's happening to women right now. But at the same time, it's important to stay focused on your own situation. Are you safe? Warm? Do you have enough to eat? Can you focus on those things, remind yourself that you're safe right now, in this moment?

There are some really good resources online to help with ptsd and anxiety. I find youtube videos really good and often the comments below videos are helpful too. Have a google around - sometimes if you put in a phrase, like "I feel like I'm about to have a breakdown" you will find some relevant results.

Finally, I want to say that you don't have to be fighting all the time. It's the airplane thing - put your own oxygen mask on before you help anyone else. The most radical and important thing you can do is heal yourself.

You can always post on here for support

I wanted to reply too as I'm online right now. It IS upsetting, and like many others, now it's beginning to sink in, I need to step back regularly to get some distance to reflect and to protect my own wellbeing. Do this whenever you need to - this is all about protecting ourselves, after all. I actually find it both reassuring and appalling how easy it is actually to avoid news of what seems to be at risk of happening - we all know who reports on it and who doesn't. This enables many people to deny it, or to remain blissfully ignorant, so it may as well do some good, too, in allowing you to escape by staying out of contact with it all for a while!

Thank you for your replies, I appreciate it so much. It’s so hard when you feel so alone and unheard and unable to talk openly about issues which affect you so deeply.

i have messaged my counsellor.

OP I've felt this way shortly into my journey down the rabbit hole. For many months it felt overwhelming, this stealth attack and how patently wrong it all is. It's gotten much easier to deal with especially seeing just how many eloquent GC people are not backing down and are strengthening their resolve with each setback.

I feel confident that if it all goes down the pan, this fight won't end and I'm happy to be on the fringe doing my bit to resist.

Lovely responses - hope you're finding them helpful OP? We all feel like this at times - to see women's identity being erased along with children's safety and wellbeing is terrifying.

But switching off is fine - there are now plenty of others in the race. Taking care of ourselves is a must - and knowing that we're not alone. Remember that Chinese proverb:
When sleeping women wake, mountains move.

The level of upset I am feeling is so great that it prompted me to message two of my smartest & loveliest friends neither of whom I have ever mentioned any GC stuff with. The thought that was most overpowering was if we fall out over this I’ll take it because this is just TOO important to me and to the future of my children.

They are both GC 😅

Why did I have to reach such a low to only discover that now?

Thank god it’s out in the open!

That’s so lovely Hollyhocky, I’m pleased you’ve now got some support IRL too. 💐💐💐

That's brilliant, OP! I'm so glad you've got real life friends to talk to about this stuff. I'm sure they're really happy too!

What an enormous relief.

Thank you for your support tonight and I love that proverb. That’s beautiful.

It can be so very hard, Hollyhocky. I have been in that place several times since 2015 when I became aware of the true extent of what is demanded from women by this new rights movement.

Sometimes it feels similar to this: A homeless person asks others for help to build a house, and you donate money and labour and building materials.

But you then find that the bricks for that house under construction are coming out of the walls of your house. When you complain about this the rest of the village in which you live tells you that this is not happening and/or calls you a Nazi and a bigot who is hoarding all the housing in the area.

Try to take that without being mentally and emotionally hurt!

But we are not alone, and we can rebuild our house on the strong foundation provided for us by our foremothers who faced a much harder battle.

It will get better, I firmly believe.

Op, think we are at the beginning of the home stretch now. These kool aid nutters have had a clear field for at least a decade to promote patent nonsense. However, bullshit cannot stand for long (being, er, bullshit and that) and remember this time last year we did not have the judgements in favour of Bailey, forstater, cass, mermaids etc. The house of cards is falling rapidly.

What @JacquelinePot said. When I was at the stage you are at, realising I can step away while others continue, and when I come back to it, others can step away, was a huge relief. Step away, regroup, have a break.

Same happened to me with a couple of friends too. Isn't it a relief?!

So glad your freinds turned out to be on the same journey.

For me the isolation is tough, watching all of this happen when everyone around you either has no idea or is in on it! Ugh.

I find it a comfort to put standing for women terf talk Tuesday on. It mskesvme feel part of an army and watching kjk s and other women's courage gives me strength.
That and the jokes on Twitter.

We are in fact legion and the fight back has begun.
Solidarity my sister's. Hugs to the Scots tonight.

I dip in and out of this board because otherwise it all becomes too much. I am quite a resilient person but every time some new madness come to light I feel like I'm at ground zero where reality exploded, wondering dazed and confused through the wreckage and wondering how did this happen.

I try to take heart from all the incredible women who campaign so tirelessly but sometimes it's hard to remain optimistic when so many of the things which have happened defy logic and reason.

I'm glad you have found out some of your friends are GC. I have plenty of terfy friends and my biggest contribution to the fight is making sure everyone knows what is going on.

I think discovering a couple more real life allies who I care about may make me feel braver to say what I feel on this subject around others (in a safe way).

There is one friend I’m sadly avoiding though (staunch Labour, works in academia) who has always gone strangely very quiet when I’ve hinted at this stuff before. I don’t know if her silence means she plainly disagrees and doesn’t want to argue or she’s conflicted because of her political leaning. It’s tough! Because I don’t want to lose her but how can you be friends with someone with such fundamental differences of opinion?

I think you can continue to be friends as long as you both agree to never discuss the topic! Personally I don't mind getting into a big ruck with friends and can treat it as a kind of sport, but rarely if ever do I find someone who can do the same, so the best thing is to simply agree to disagree.

I have some friends I've never raised the subject with, or have tentatively raised it and then backed away, because I know they are going to disagree and I don't want to fall out over it. I assume they all know I'm a terf and are doing the same with me.

Obviously I'm right and they're wrong! But I feel that if I push the issue too much it will make it too hard for them to come back when their wrongness is revealed to them. So I'm trusting that eventually they'll see the sunlight and will be able to pretend they never walked so far in the darkness.

I'm pretty optimistic. There are days when it gets me down but the last couple of years has brought breakthrough after breakthrough. As soon as JKR stepped in, I thought, this is it. Now there's no doubt we're going to win. And KJK also gives me a lot of hope. She always ends her videos with her motto - "I never lose" - and it cheers me up!

Well just to say that your thread has helped me feel better because of you finding out about your 2 friends (and somebody else did as well)!

And agree with what others have said, maybe take a step back.

The other thing, which you may already do, is follow some of the many GC / SBR groups and campaigns. There you can read about actions taking place. Many are on facebook and twitter, or sign up to their mailings.

But does make me think that really we do need some sort of badge or symbol that indicates someone is GC friendly or a code word or something. Or we may have to invent our own language like Polari when gay men and lesbians couldn't be openly so in public!