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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

This Is Unreal

4 replies

KatMcBundleFace · 20/11/2022 20:56

This is Unreal, a BBC sounds podcast certainly lives up to its name. This episode is a dive into the more unhinged reality TV programmes, and there's focus on There's Something About Miriam, a 2003/4 programme where men competed for a date with a transwoman,
except they don't know (although several guess) Miriam's biological sex.

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0c71jkv
from about 19 mins in.

The male contestants sued the show citing conspiracy to commit sexual assault, defamation, breach of contract, and personal injury in the form of psychological and emotional damage. This was settled for an undisclosed amount. The podcast glosses over the fact that the contestants won the legal/ ethical argument and instead focus on the transphobia of not accepting Miriam as a biological female.

The podcasts authors discuss the negative way transwomen were portrayed at the time as being predatory and deceptive, in films like Ace Ventura etc.
But then conversely go on to say essentially it's fine to be deceptive by not disclosing trans status to potential partners.

"Did the contestants really need a cheque for the supposed humiliation of kissing a transwoman on TV and the damage this has done their masculinity "

Remy Blumenfeld, the shows producer says its difficult to know what damage has been done to the male contestants, except for their pride..... which would certainly be different today... (news flash Blumenfeld, heterosexual men are still heterosexual men in 2022).

He then claims, to suggest that every trans person should discuss their history with every prospective suitor before intimacy is a real infringement of human rights.

He says he doesn't have to disclose that he's gay or Jewish, in a frankly bizarre comparison.

Blumenfeld apparently psychologically tested the male contestants and because they weren't homophobic he thought it would all be fine. I think he's failed to grasp there's a difference between being homophobic and wanting a same sex relationship when your heterosexual.

Faye agrees that trans people shouldn't have to disclose before kissing someone, although was against the way the programme was done. Faye thinks in a better situation the heterosexual men could have overcome their "toxic masculinity "

The programme wraps up by claiming reality TV is still transphobic because India Willoughby was misgendered twice in Celebrity Big Brother 2018. It was transphobic to place Willoughby in the house with potentially mean women. The response to the show also forced Willoughby to pay for facial surgery to appear more feminine.

It's quite the mind blast for anyone who actually watched that programme.
Willoughby was obnoxious.

There's little balance over the consent issue. The presenters and both interviewees think TWAW, so the male contestants of There's Something About Miriam were being unfair.

It's interesting to note the CPS are consulting on sex by deception.
It's pretty hard going on the woowoo front. I think it's suggesting if you genuinely believe your the opposite sex it's all fine and dandy not to mention you are not.
Discussed here: www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4641909-cps-consultation-on-guidance-re-sex-by-deception

Clearly the show was a terrible idea, from a multiple of perspectives, but i found the discussion about consent shocking.
Honesty is the best policy seems not to be the case anymore.

OP posts:
MCbadgelore · 20/11/2022 21:55

Miriam sadly died in 2019, aged 37.
Recorded as suicide (although Miriam’s husband alleges it was murder).

That whole show was a terribly exploitative of all 7 participants, including Miriam. I can’t believe it was ever thought to be a good idea.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miriam_Rivera

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/There%27s_Something_About_Miriam

From the show’s wiki:

’Responses from critics were generally unfavourable, calling it part of a trend in shows that exploit unwitting contestants.[14] A British reviewer noted, "The whole premise of There's Something About Miriam was not a celebration of transgender people's lives. It was designed to elicit horror from the winning contestant discovering that his dream date had a penis."[15’

and

a lawsuit by the contestants delayed the airing.[7][8] They alleged conspiracy to commit sexual assault, defamation, breach of contract, and personal injury in the form of psychological and emotional damage.[9]

How the producer can sit around all these years later and position himself as some
sort of pro trans hero is beyond me. Miriam and the 6 male contestants were all set up to be humiliated. It was revolting and shameful.

Boiledbeetle · 20/11/2022 22:16

"There was the odd chaste kiss but she disclosed before any intimacy could occur."

Fuck me so just because they never got to penetrative sex whilst being deceived the producer thought it OK .

Kissing someone is bloody intimate. How dare they deceive like that.

This is wrong for both sides. For the men, they were conned, and for Miriam its a dangerous position to put yourself in.

Outside of the show its a dangerous tactic for a transwoman to use. I've had a quick look and Miriam probably "passed" really well. The fact that they brought in extra security for the reveal on the show shows that they were scared of the heterosexual males, who they had vetted and had cameras trained on, being angry and violent. Can you imagine how dangerous that could be in real life.

As a woman I've had men turn nasty when I haven't been as forthcoming as they would like with regards to putting out. Those same men that I invariably decided it was safer to just have sex with than try to refuse would likely have done serious ham to Miriam if they'd found out after some light or heavy petting that it was actually a male they were snogging.

I was sorry to discover that Miriam is no longer with us, at a shockingly young age as well.

Trying to hide who you are just seems to cause hurt and upset on both sides. Surely honesty would be a much more logical and safer option?

ZeldaFighter · 20/11/2022 22:27

I never watched this but I remember seeing it trailed. Miriam was very pretty and I think I was a bit naive - I thought the big reveal was "I was born a man" rather than "I have a penis". Or back then, you assumed transsexual people had actually undergone a sex change operation. But yes, the whole premise was to shock and horrify the macho heterosexual men. Again I remember the thing about extra security for the big reveal - they definitely thought there was a potential for violence. Which is utterly horrifying for Miriam herself.

I'm genuinely saddened to hear she passed away at such a young age. This programme was vile and completely exploited her.

KatMcBundleFace · 20/11/2022 23:14

MCbadgelore · 20/11/2022 21:55

Miriam sadly died in 2019, aged 37.
Recorded as suicide (although Miriam’s husband alleges it was murder).

That whole show was a terribly exploitative of all 7 participants, including Miriam. I can’t believe it was ever thought to be a good idea.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miriam_Rivera

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/There%27s_Something_About_Miriam

From the show’s wiki:

’Responses from critics were generally unfavourable, calling it part of a trend in shows that exploit unwitting contestants.[14] A British reviewer noted, "The whole premise of There's Something About Miriam was not a celebration of transgender people's lives. It was designed to elicit horror from the winning contestant discovering that his dream date had a penis."[15’

and

a lawsuit by the contestants delayed the airing.[7][8] They alleged conspiracy to commit sexual assault, defamation, breach of contract, and personal injury in the form of psychological and emotional damage.[9]

How the producer can sit around all these years later and position himself as some
sort of pro trans hero is beyond me. Miriam and the 6 male contestants were all set up to be humiliated. It was revolting and shameful.

Yes, he is quite unrepentant.

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