Friend's grandson

[boddidoil]

A friend of mines grandson went abroad by himself to have the operation to remove his genitals. Previously referred to as 'he', he's now being referred to as 'she'. Luckily he had a name which can apply to both men and women.
But he's not a she, is he? I do struggle with this when listening to her talk about it.

No, he's not a she. But, he will have distress and your friend will be worried about him.

I just use my friend's kid's name and avoid any pronouns. It makes conversation clumsy but we have been friends for decades and I don't want to lose her companionship. Plus, she needs my support.

We just avoid talking about gender - I listen to her and make supportive noises about her worries but I keep my own opinions to myself. She sees my FB, she knows that I'm worried bout all this stuff.

Every fibre of his being is male, as formed in his mother's womb and as determined by his father's sperm. If his skeleton is exhumed in 10,000 years there will be no doubting his sex. Removing or adding body parts cannot change his sex.

He has every right to wear "women's" clothes, shoes and make-up but he should remember to use male facilities for toileting, changing clothes, competing in sport etc.

Just support your friend and sincerely hope that the grandchild finds relief in their actions and recovers well.

I'd try and avoid the subject of the operation if she feels it's something to be celebrated, or just let my friend talk & make soothing noises if she's finding it distressing.

I would not be drawn into gender debates under any circumstances. You are
Switzerland in this scenario.

This

Support your friend.

I imagine your friend is struggling with what her grandson is going through. Can you put your opinions aside and give her unconditional support? I'm in a similar place with a friend - grandson is younger and nothing irrevocable has yet happened - it's horrible and I do often feel like being massively outspoken, but if I did that I feel I'd risk alienating the friend without having done any good. So I do my best to shut up and listen and only very gently suggest that there are other ways of looking at things, trying to do this without judgement. It's hard but I'd rather be helpful than right, IYSWIM. Difficult balance though. You have my sympathy.
And the friend and the grandson and all concerned. I hope the child/person is ok.

I think I'd be following the 'what a terrible shame that seemed necessary!' line.

Avoiding pronouns at all costs.

All focus on how hard it is for all of them.

I'd stay well away from the implications, personally.

Absolutely, continue to be a friend to your friend. That’s a counsel of perfection though. Don’t think I could stay neutral. Cutting off healthy body parts just fills me with horror. Poor unsexed person.

I think that in this case, the best thing to do is be supportive of your friend. I am also of the opinion that if it has got to the point where this young man has chosen to remove a core prt of hiss anatomy, he needs help and support and love.

I am intellectually completely GC but on a practical day to day level, a person who goes to this level deserves sympathy. I believe the treatment he has received is wrong, but I genuinely hope that he is going to feel better for it. I also think, and concede this is more instinct than it is science, that anyone who goes to this level is not likely to be whipping his clothes off in the female change room or in fact, doing anything to draw attention to himself so on an individual case basis I can feel more relaxed about him and probably would refer to him as her.

I'd generally go with being supportive too. It's difficult for a grandparent who has no real power in this situation. And since the surgery has happened, there is little to be done now.

I wouldn't lie about my views, if it came to it, but I would probably avoid going there and I'd be gentle.