Workplace Harrassment

[MeganMeggie]

Before I continue to telling my story, I wanna ask people to restrain from negative reactions and bullying as the topic is very sensitive to me and I hope on your support and understanding.

I'm a young immigrant woman, living alone in an EU member state, coming origianally from a non-EU country. I moved to this country on a job visa which was sponsored by a company X, where I started working as soon as I moved there. I was an excellent employee - submitting all my projects on time, showing initiaitive and ultimate understanding and empathy towards all of my teammates and subordinates (I was in a managerial position).

However after some time, my direct manager- a young white man, born and raised native and citizen of the EU country we are living in started showing unhealthy amount of interest towards me. It started relatively harmlessly, as a few sexual remarks, such as calling me hot, intense staring at me and into my eyes during work, etc. Then came touches, which I demonstratively avoided, making sure he understands that his touches are unpleasant and inappropriate. I did not directly confront him, as I was scared considering that my visa was dependant on the job.

Eventually, at a team event he tried to get me drunk and get sexual with me. I did not drink and left the party early. The next day I went to the office, asked to talk to him one-on-one. I confess that at this point I was terrified and angry, and so, yes, I was very rude to him during that conversation. Instead of using professional language, such as "workplace harrassment" I called him an asshole, and told him that if I ever again experience such unprofessionalism from him, I will report him to the police. I was no longer thinking straight.

The very next day I got a call from an HR, immidiately terminating my contract. I was shocked, I told them to provide me with reasons of firing me. And they said my manager had complained that "I don't get along with the team." This was total bullshit, every single member of the team loved me, as I was sweet and understanding and professional. I asked the HR whether they even tried to confirm the words of my manager with the team, or they just blindly beleive those words? But the HR - another citizen of the country, told me the decision is final and I am wasting my and their time. I should just sign the termination and get out.

It's been a few months now. I was at a terrible place, but I got myself together, I found a new job - a much better paying one, where I am no longer forced to stay overtime. Moreover, the new company is truly diverse, not focused on super white, and super racist assholes. I'm very happy. And yet I can't live with the feeling that I let them win me. That my harrassor not only did not pay for his actions, but also got me fired.

This feelds very unjust and unfair. On one hand I know that so are the rules - no matter what on paper, I have noone here, and even when I did nothing wrong, I can't prove assault and the law will be on the side of the citizen. So I am not gonna report anything. But letting go doesn't work for me either.

What can I do?

I don't have any practical advice, I'm sorry but there are many intelligent women on this forum who can probably help.

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry this happened to you and its totally understandable that you're still angry. I think you won though because you now have a better job whereas he has to stay with all the other assholes!

I dont want to read and not respond.
Maybe someone with more employment law knowledge might be able to advise.

Its very unfair but I wonder if you can flip it over?
They did you a favour because:

• you got a better job, with better pay and conditions
• any company who can treat you like that is not going to improve - they have shown you that there was no longer term prospects there
• he will always be an asshole- but you have had a learning opportunity - you'll never be in that position again, and if something similar arises, you'll know to handle it better.

This is the Sex and Gender forum and you won't get much of a response here. Best ask for it to be moved to a better forum.

Starting your post telling people how you require them to respond isn't a good look and won't go down well.

What you can do totally depends on what country you’re in and what the legal state of play is. Unless you have evidence of his inappropriate behaviour while you were working there, there is probably very little you can do in terms of holding him and the company accountable, though a letter to HR outlining your treatment and saying you provide for their information in case this happens to another vulnerable employee might get pay off down the line.

For your sake, you probably need to find a way to come to terms with it and move on.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. It is appalling that so many men still feel entitled to female sexual attention.

I really hate saying this but if you take legal action against them, it might jeopardise future employment prospects. A future employer might take the view that you could be a difficult employee (again, I truly hate saying this). If your stay in the country is dependent on employment then I think you should proceed conservatively.

I left a job many years ago after a long period of harassment from a colleague (female and very different circumstances). I had union backing for a tribunal and a clear-cut case. I chose not to take legal action as my father had just died suddenly and I chose to protect my mental health rather than seek redress. However, after leaving I wrote the senior management team an excoriating letter letting them know how badly their inaction had affected me. It really helped me put a lid on the whole scenario.

Do you think if you had used more “professional” language in your confrontation with your disgusting former manager that the outcome would have been any different? Because I guarantee he wouldn’t have changed his behaviour. If this guy cared about how you felt about his actions he wouldn’t have been such a creep in the first place.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with the way you acted. You laid out firm boundaries and told him exactly what he is in very blunt terms. It is disgraceful the HR department fired you and not him, they are enabling his rapey behaviour, but it is going to be their problem if he tries this in future on a woman who is better able to legally defend herself.

The best revenge is a life well lived. It sounds like you are happier in your new job. Don’t beat yourself up about creepy racist men being creepy and racist. It’s like trying to kick water uphill.

It's absolutely awful, so sorry this happened to you OP. I can't suggest anything that will remedy past problems but, for the future, I strongly recommend you join a union. You now have a good job with great colleagues and that is the best revenge ever.

You mention your then-manager subjected you to a criminal assault at the team event. As you say, without witnesses it may be difficult to get a conviction, but that doesn't stop you making a complaint to the police if the manager broke the criminal law - even if the police may not make that a pleasant experience.

Based on your account though, you also experienced multiple breaches of employment law: you experienced sexual harassment at work and probably sex discrimination and racial discrimination too, leading to unfair dismissal without proper procedure. All EU countries have employment laws making these illegal. Whether you can, in practice, get these laws enforced and win a case like this is another matter.

Might it put your mind at rest to speak to a specialist employment lawyer and to understand your options? It could perhaps help you to feel empowered if a lawyer were to reassure you that what happened to you is illegal, whether or not you decide that pursuing a case is the right thing for you.

As others have said, if you want advice on the legal side, you can ask for your post to be moved to the Employment Issues forum.