Abuse making girls not want to be women?

[TayJay94]

I've been reading a lot about how abuse and sexism is making a lot of these young girls not want to be women, trying to understand my sister better. She's transitioning to "male". I came across some posts from someone who also seems to be a trans identified female. She talks a lot here about having been groomed, in other posts talks about becoming a prostitute, all before seeming to undergo ROGD and then trying to be seen as a man.

https://jacksurviveswhoring.wordpress.com/2021/08/22/misconceptions-about-online-child-exploitation/

"Within a couple of months, I was regularly roleplaying extremely graphic sexual scenarios (as the characters) with dozens of people every week. It was normalized in my group of friends, most people I knew closely were doing it. We knew we had to keep it a secret from our parents – because we’d get in trouble! I saw nothing wrong with it at the time."

This part almost makes me think that she was conditioned this way on purpose. It's not clear if the characters she was roleplaying as were boys, but if they were maybe that's part of it? I know my sister used to crossdress at events like what's described in the article.

I’ve heard TulipR (male detransition et) talk about this sort of thing in relation to boys being coerced into believing they are trans.

There is a lot of potentially relevant stuff in the detrans stories but it’s all quite new stuff and no one has (dared?) to pull it together into a single book/resource.

Helena has written a lot about the ‘shipping’ cultures that originate on Tumblr and Willow has made YouTube videos about it.

Mumsnet accidentally deleted a bunch of my comments before I post them so I will come back and make some separate posts with links.

Another great resource is the Gender A Wider Lens resource.

oh, and a history of childhood abuse or other traumas eg early bereavement exists in the older trans case studies (way before the ROGD generation).

I've frequently thought that if I was a teen now I'd identify as a non binary ace. I never felt feminine, never looked it acted feminine (or even understood it - autistic). In the 90s that just meant I was a tomboy and a bit weird, and i met plenty of other people like me once I got to university and joined more niche groups. I never wanted to change - it wasn't a real option. But I tried as hard as I could to ignore my female-ness.

Today that's less of an option. It feels like everything is heavily gendered, and tomboy is no longer an option. You can't just ignore it all.

I think I only feel like a woman now because I know so many other odd women from my more niche interests and social groups. Id hate and fear being a young female now.

I know this is an aside, but I'd never allow an 11 year old to attend a convention with adult supervision!

without

Helena

m.youtube.com/watch?v=tFAS-i2Xghs

lacroicsz.substack.com/p/by-any-other-name

Ritchie

m.youtube.com/watch?v=rZ93IPyPLqE

Willow

m.youtube.com/watch?v=RqJcNVSj2Lg

Gender a Wider Lens:

gender-a-wider-lens.captivate.fm

This episode, on ‘Shame’ might be particularly relevant op:

gender-a-wider-lens.captivate.fm/episode/73-shame-narcissism-and-the-transition-fantasy-w-joe-burgo

The Joe Burgo on Gender a Wider Lens episode is excellent -I second that Cloglady!
I used to listen to his talks on psychotherapyy/narcissism years ago, and was really pleased to see him on GAWL all these years later.

Thank you so much for these links. I really want to delve into how much these things might've impacted my sister and see if there's a way I can help her by getting her to see it to and work through those issues.

I have felt for a while, without any knowledge of this, that the convention world has become extremely odd and a little creepy.

I know the comicon close to me is also very much related to the local Pride group, a lot of members are the same and they tend to be involved in the same causes.

Anime related stuff in particular is very weird and disturbing. I work in a library and they are so popular with young teens and those who are clearly involved in gender ideology. Lots of transboys reading graphic novels about gay male teenagers. Usually written by women, which is weird too at first glance.

It’s about boys but Angus Fox’s Quillette series goes into some of the stuff about anime/computer games/comic con/cosplay etc

the posts aren’t in date order but here’s a link to the whole series:

quillette.com/author/angus-fox/

I think there's truth to this.

I remember at 12 being terrified to be a woman as it seemed to involve being treated as a sex object (porn and music videos) or victim.

I think lots of girls who see themselves as independent and proud try to distance themselves from the narrow roles women are often confined to.

I have never yet met a TM who doesn't show a deep inner belief that male people have power that females don't, and that identifying as male escapes the powerlessness and messed up aspects of life that come with being female.

I’d agree with that.

it’s a bit like telling a creepy man to back off and making up an imaginary boyfriend because he won’t take no for an answer. I remember moving fashion rings to my ‘wedding’ finger for nights out with the girls, to act as a protective talisman.

A generation of girls have become their own imaginary boyfriends. It’s a defence mechanism.

I’m pretty sure I read/heard somewhere that early puberty (young end of the normal range rather than properly precocious) is common amongst ROGD girls, which makes sense, because noticeable early development means they are the ones who will experience sexual harassment first in their peer group.

Probably on one of the Gender A Wider Lens episodes (which are all pretty great but encountering them for the first time when there are so many of them probably feels quite overwhelming - perhaps they should try and create an index for them, encyclopaedia style).

A generation of girls have become their own imaginary boyfriends. It’s a defence mechanism.

Wow, summed it up in two sentences.

I suspect my anger at my body as a young teen had something to do with my experience of CSA. Although I also think a lot of girls feel like that with no prompting.

I like my body now, thank God. Just needed to become an adult.

Aged 12 I wore a size 20 cardigan to school, which was the biggest I could buy. My body was size 10-12. I did it to hide the shape of my body, to avoid harassment and bullying. I also tended to walk with shoulders hunched to hide my breasts. I often wore mens clothes at home because they were plain and loose and discouraged attention. I was 18 before I gained the self confidence to stand up straight and wear clothes that fitted.

I have absolutely no doubt that I would have worn a chest binder if one was available at the time. Given that I wore mens clothes anyway I would probably have been told I’m trans, if that was a thing back then.

I thought (and still think) that women get the shitty end of the stick. The discrimination started from an early age. The Scouts were allowed to camp outdoors but the Brownies had to sleep indoors because it was safer. The boys were allowed to take their bikes over the field tracks but the girls weren’t. My brother was allowed to catch the bus that stopped in the dene but I had to wait longer and catch the bus that came to the shopping centre. He was allowed to walk home from the pub but I wasn’t. In every case it was for safety because men might attack me. Who wouldn’t want to identify out of that?

I remember being on holiday with my family when I was about 13. I was dressed for hot weather. I went back to our chalet on my own because I’d forgotten something. On my way back to my family at the pool, a guy was stood and just leering at me … like practically salivating while staring at my partially-formed breasts. I’d never felt that kind of vulnerability before, it made my skin crawl, he was grotesque. I’d spent my childhood playing football, riding a bmx, and climbing trees, I was a complete tomboy. I have no doubt that if I were a child now, I’d be non-binary, if not fully trans-boy.