Who if anyone have you broken friends/ contact with due to being seen as an evil terf?

[Metabigot]

2 friends. One was a proclaimed feminist before all this shit she's intersectional/ trans inclusive now. Stormed of in a huff when I said o didn't agree.

Other friend thought we'd had a espectful chat.. she's bi now dating a non binary person so i guess that's why I'm persona non grata now.

Worst one is my brother. Caelld me an evil terf bigot, usual bingo closed down everything i said yet refused to agree to disagree stormed out of a restaurant and won't speak again unless I renounce my views.

I don't regret saying what I said. They want us to be cowed into silence and a lot of women (and men ) are. But not me.

Had a few lively debates with a sibling who was well soaked in the ideology from friends. We had to do agree to disagree a few times. Now they're contacting me in outrage and sharing articles: there was only so long they could debate it before they found the problems for themselves. And they're passionately into equality and diversity and actual inclusion for everyone rather than a selected few; they quickly found where that lovely set of values parts company from the ideology.

It's actually been the other way round for me. I've had to stop contact with 2 people who are full on MRAs, both female, both the mothers of female children, one the mother of a rogd 17 year old who wants her boobs removed and me to partly fund it. My no went down like a lead balloon and we parted ways. Sad, but I just don't have the energy to police my language or suppress my own beliefs to make them feel better. I matter, too.

Why on earth would you be paying for it?!

I noticed an old friend, strong feminist, animal rights etc, stopped following me on Facebook. I'm sorry to lose her but not altogether surprised. It was a few years ago though so I wonder if she still feels the same way? I can't check her page as I'm clearly blocked.

I just think anyone who can't discuss respectfully and if no middle ground, agree to disagree, is no friend.

On the plus side I've made some new gc friends through a GC group!

I was bullied by a "close friend" who wanted me to accept that another "close friend" was actually a woman on the grounds of:

Loss of sexual function

Loss of sex drive

Not a danger to women

I argued that a woman is not an impotent male and is very offensive in fact.

These people carried on bullying me to "be kind" and I said I do support my friend but I do not support this ideology.

Got blocked by 3 people. One of which wasn't even involved in the argument, just a mutual friend.

I have loads of stories like this.

I've had some lively debates but we've agreed to differ in all. They likely think I'm not kind enough and I think they're credulous enablers.

All of the friends with whom I have so far discussed it have held similar views 🦕

One had rather soaked up the line from the Guardian but still had concerns. We had a long convo (still friends).

Another is quite woke and I thought would tick me off for my terfy views, but was in full agreement.

As for the rest, no issues at all. One had a FB friend who had a proper go at both of us on FB, but that's it.

One of my friends suddenly got super into going to drag shows and reading RuPaul advice on how to be an assertive woman 🤔 I mentioned that I found all the hyper-sexualised stereotypes rather offensive to women, and she disappeared overnight, ghosting messages etc. Had been friends for years, our DDs were best friends since toddler age.

It’s like a cult.

What I find really strange is we’re an incredibly educated generation, we all learned about history and brainwashing and groupthink and cults at school. And yet so many people seem incapable of rational discussion and reasoned debate. It’s a very bad advert for the education system.

Why on earth would you help pay for it?!

Someone I've been friends with for 40 years is now becoming distant. He remarried recently and his wife is a True Believer and he's going along with her views. The first time we talked about the twaw he said 'I know what's about. It's in your head, it's in your heart, it's what you wear'. What you wear?!! Me and OH were both incredulous, but that's what he seems to think and I can't get my head around it. I hope that one day he sees sense because we were good friends once.

Lots of friends are not so much friends these days if I go on too much. I just cannot believe that some otherwise sensible and knowledgable women will go along with the lie. They don’t understand why I can’t be kind.

I've distanced myself from people (men, funnily enough) who are abusive about 't*rfs'. It's shone a light on a surprising amount of misogyny.

a surprising amount of misogyny

Agree. The last time I saw the friend I mentioned upthread I asked him if his wife no longer got in touch because I don't believe in magic woman essence. He said 'X would beg to differ' and he said it with this ugly, condescending smirk that I'd never seen before. When I pointed out the safe guarding issues for women and girls, he dismissed them. It was so disappointing.

Everyone I speak to in real life is GC. The only consequence is banishment from a Facebook Archers group for not drinking the kool aid.

Sibling. To be fair we were never very close and sibling always had a habit of collecting all the labels and diagnoses and special identities, so it was no surprise when gender identity offered another one. Formerly a boring old lesbian, now a non-binary man with a TW partner, and non-stop ideology pusher. I would be fine with whatever and whoever they wanted to identify as/date, but having different opinions of my own about the reality of sex means I'm a bigot.

What really gets me is I know my sibling isn't stupid, but they have internalised and are desperate to spout so much nonsense. Even the utter shite about how men aren't better than women at particular sports because of strength etc, just because women haven't had enough training/have been excluded/don't try hard enough. Oh and TW in female prisons/hospital wards etc is fine because "cis" women can be dangerous too. But if I ask reality-based or logical questions, they refuse to answer or fob me off. I know this is making no sense to them either but they're stuck in this purity spiral where they don't dare to think in logical terms because they're too terrified to be on the Bad Side.

I will always be here if sibling ever needs a t*rf to talk to, or of course maybe I'll see the light, but for now it's a stalemate.

Friends I've talked to are either GC, or were unaware of the issues and are open-minded and we discuss it and exchange views. But I do work in a very captured, creative industry so have to tread carefully there.

Because she's fundraising and ex friend knew I'd inherited money from my late Mum. I'm supposed to hand a chunk over so her daughter doesn't kill herself.

That's grim, Baldie.

I won't say lost but I cannot say anything about womens rights or drag artists etc in my own home. I have been snarled at and actually called a terf and a hater.

Husband - thinks little girl in that wii spa incidence was wrong to look, it was her fault it all kicked off. Was very aggressive about how I know nothing.
DD1 - called me a terf in a very nasty manner regarding men in womens toilets discussion and twaw. I shut that down with "how dare you give away my rights without my permission " but its took several months before she could even look me in the face such was her disgust.
DD2 - gave dailymail sad face as one of her best friends in school (she wasnt) was a transman and all this meanness to trans upsets her friend. Her friend has autism, has a father who throws away her antidepressants but happy for her to mutilate her body (tattoos, extreme piercings etc). Her take on transitioning is wearing male clothes and dating other women bc that is what men do. Yes. You read that right.

Waiting for the penny to drop regarding sports but so far nothing.

My 22 year old step-daughter has gone no contact with us and has never met her baby half-sister because I don't believe that people can change sex.

There’s a couple of distant family members who I no longer have anything to do with as they took issue with GC views and decided to criticise my feminism.

Someone who was a friend is someone I no longer have anything to do with after they started equating GC feminism with Nazism and fascism.

I’ve also noticed a few people who no longer interact with me on social media so I can only assume it’s probably over this, particularly those who are very “Be kind and inclusive!!!!”

I have to say, I don’t miss any of them.

Bi sexual, intelligent niece who is studying biology and has joined Femsoc told me very politely I was a Terf.

I adore her and think she will understand sooner rather than later.

We still watch Harry Potter together because she can separate the art from the artist. I think she knows deep down that Aunty Ickabog is right and not a bigot.

Typical privately educated and fiercely defensive of the trans boy at school rather than the rational facts.

40, 50 and 60-something heterosexual males with links to the music Industry seem to be the worst. All their proclamations on social media - when I meet them socially now I ignore them as they are clearly too stupid and misogynistic. They care more about swimming with the shoals than the rights of their daughters, mothers, sisters and (ex!) wives -rants about leaving their page if you stand with JKR, saying how brave Eddie Izzard is. All the same Blokey McBlokey types.

Pixiedust, does your husband know that there is a warrant out for the arrest of the transwoman involved at WiSpa? That he has previous convictions for exposure and sexual offences that include - as far as I remember - spying on a woman through her window and masturbating? I'm really sorry, by the way, that sounds like a very difficult situation to be in for you.

A long term FB friend, we'd chat a lot, send each other gifts etc, really got on, then apparently I'm a TERF.
The worst thing is it was over the sports issue, she actually said that hopefully soon it won't be a problem as trans kids will get treatment as soon as they need it, avoiding puberty altogether.
I was/am horrified.
We'd been friends for 12 years, how could I not know she's insane?

@ImNotAnExpert he doesn't care. If a man says he's a woman and gets his duck out its up to everyone to avert their eyes. If men pee on the seats in womens loos so what, men have had to deal with it for years. Upskirting is not a big thing, men see womens knickers on the wash line or in shops all the time.

I never knew this about him until the Scottish ribbon woman being kicked out of that pub (so sorry, I cant remember her name). It was her fault, she stirred it up, she handed out mean leaflets!!! She should have minded her own business (Yes, he said that).

Its kind of knocked my reality sideways abit and I've definitely had to reevaluate my life. Actually I'm kind of glad as its made me see other nasty things about him so I'm checking out ducks and rows .