Parents with inconvenient truths about trans

[MrsOvertonsWindow]

This article was posted earlier today but the thread was deleted with the invitation to "feel free to discuss the article but avoid sweeping generalisations based on that"

The article raises all sorts of important questions about the nature of public discourse in relation to "trans" children and (according to the lesbian mother writer) details the hazards of social transitioning very young children which she now sees as "an intentional process of concretizing transgender identity in children as young as 3 years old - the age of the youngest child in this group. When identity is concretized at this young of age, children will grow up actually believing they are the opposite sex. How could medicalization not follow?"

I'm not sure if it's possible to discuss this powerful piece without drawing conclusions and there's evidently a lot of unease about the words of this lesbian parent being openly heard. Which perhaps makes it even more important to ensure a site "by parents, for parents" allows this important discussion? Maybe we can try another discussion and keep within the talk guidelines - or just have the freedom to read her words?

pitt.substack.com/p/true-believer

It must be very confusing for a child to be given the choice to be a boy or girl by their parent. Rather than just told you are a boy/ girl but you can do whatever you want to.
I can’t recall ever telling my children what sex they were or them asking me.
Why make it such a big deal?
Seems utterly unnecessary and yes it does seem abusive (albeit unintentionally) and the opposite of progressive to me.

So many interesting issues raised. As a teacher I'm interested in how this movement has not only colonised approaches to parenting as seen in the article but has taken such a hold in schools. I'm used to schools being highly sceptical about developments - curriculum, those designed to support children's health and wellbeing etc. I've been blindsided by how easy it's been to impose a belief that openly undermined aspects of safeguarding, removes fundamental rights of girls (that they shouldn't be coerced into undressing / toileting in front of males) and openly denies scientific facts.
Teachers and unions regularly oppose all sorts of demands from government and others - yet an age inappropriate ideology that harms children psychologically (born in the wrong body) and physically (unsafe, unevidenced medical care) is unopposed despite the evident dangers and flaws. 😑

Thank you for posting this insightful piece, OP

I'd go one further:
Deny the child access to the concept as long as the child seems to tend towards the answer the parent esteems to be a societal norm. Which, in this case, had nothing to do with societal pressure and was just normal child development.
Then immediately reinforce and amplify the concept as soon as they say the opposite of the norm.

There were many misunderstandings here. But there's a deep misunderstanding of early years child development and how children learn. And maybe a belief than anything the child learns from society is wrong. Society definitely taints everything with its patriarchal views but that shouldn't be seen as everything being unsuitable for a child to learn.

It’s a really sad article. I used to want to be a boy when I was a primary school child. Not because I actually did, but because I thought that boys had more fun. They played all the things I wanted to and didn’t have to wear skirts. I hated skirts coz you can’t climb in them properly. Boys did climbing trees, playing with cars, mud bikes etc. girls played with dolls which I thought was dull as fuck. I even told people I wanted to be a boy. Imagine how that would have gone down now!

For me this shows the importance of open debate.

Absolutely. It's key that the whole thing became a closed circle as soon as they sought advice.

It's very clear that many parents dont understand what gender neutrality is in reality and the point of it. Nor what gender stereotypes are and why they're damaging.

Very important read.

Thanks for sharing this article.

Hmm. The article doesn't ring very true to me - sounds like bits of other stories stitched together. Or at least, the author sounds incredibly open to huge theoretical explanations for the messiness of life, and sounds as if she has switched from one to another.

I eyerolled quite a lot when reading that article. It appears to say lots about the unique life choices of modern and cool parents, and how these permeate every decision they make, and little about the rights of a small child to be a happy, secure and unconditionally-loved small child. Good though for the family that they found out how to start again.

Not always but many autistic children also have significant language delays - my son was behind his peers by quite some way. So he lacked the actual language to explain ‘I’m a boy but sometimes I feel I don’t fit in with other boys, I’m a bit different and I struggle to socialise. Do I fit in with another group perhaps? What’s the other group that isn’t the boys?’

I can imagine if we had suggested to DS that he feels different and belonged to another group he may have agreed. Not because it’s true but because he does feel different (due to having a SEN that literally affects his ability to fit in).

I definitely told mine - I have two sets of boy and girl close in age so there was the common questions of ‘x has xyz’ and it was ‘because he’s a boy, boys have a penis, you’re a girl.’ But I never asked them. What would be the point? Surely if someone is truly ‘born in the wrong body’ you wouldn’t have to ask consistently, they’d know? If I was in the body of a leopard I’m pretty sure I’d know without someone making me paint spots on myself and get down on all fours to see how it feels.

Really important article. It highlights to me how important it is that we give people space to reverse or revise their opinions, even if we think they're complete bloody idiots to start with.

I told him, "When babies are born with a penis, they are called boys, and when babies are born with a vagina, they are called girls.
But some babies who are born with a penis can be girls, and some babies born with a vagina can be boys. It all depends on what you feel deep inside."

How on earth does anyone say this to anyone - let alone a young child - without instantly realising how contradictory you are being? You are not explaining at all how - in what way - a person can "feel inside" whether they have a sort of conceptual penis or vagina that isn't their biological one. Laying it out in these terms, with this premise, to me, seems to be deliberately witholding the information a child needs to even think about the question.

It's like saying "bicycles are vehicles with two wheels, and cars have four wheels. But sometimes things with 4 wheels are bicycles and sometimes things with 2 are cars". You can't just leave it at that - you have to explain why the premise you've given doesn't apply in all circumstances!

It highlights to me how important it is that we give people space to reverse or revise their opinions, even if we think they're complete bloody idiots to start with.

This is true. Very important to work on this bridge building.

The author is very candid about how she got caught up in being the 'cool liberal vanguard' and how they were cheered on by their social circle in what they were doing.

It is extraordinary to me how this particular cohort of people have thrown basic parenting, common sense and safeguarding out the window. I see it in my own acquaintances also. I wonder how to get these people to reconnect with their basic parenting skills?

And as usual, the writer repeatedly conflates "female" and "feminine". That this is done so much and so unthinkingly is how this stuff doesn't get questioned. The two can be mutually exclusive! They are very distinct concepts!

I also wondered about veracity, and about autism. Something about the writing style, very emotionally dramatic in some ways yet oddly abstract and jargon-laden in others.

One thing I noticed is how little she says about family. She says she dropped people from her life if they didn't support this approach. So who did she drop? Has she apologised and explained to her children's grandparents, aunties and uncles, and rebuilt bridges with them? I wonder how much her family were involved with her life and her children's lives in the first place. Maybe she lacked those wider family connections in her own life, which made her especially vulnerable.

Another thought I had reading this is what are autism experts and charities doing about this issue? Given that those with autism are so over represented in this area.

Also this idea people with autism are aware of their gender identity earlier... more likely they are less likely to have caught the prevailing understanding of boy/girl, surely? They are later to realise they are a boy, rather than earlier to realise the aren't!

All children are different and certainly autistic children are also all very different indeed. A key area that some have difficulty with is central coherence. Simply put, they find it difficult to pull all the details together and have difficulty generalizing and transferring concepts across different contexts.

So it's a difficulty around stereotypes and generalisation. Children aged 2-4 naturally pick up on stereotypes very early; especially in pictures and caricatures. children have to learn a variety of complex details adding to the bigger picture and a neurotypical child finds this easier. But it takes time; I'm still having discussions with my 4 year old about men and boys who have long hair aren't girls.

Being gender neutral is simply not limiting your child to all the toys and hobbies, styles and colours there are. It's about the stuff being interchangeable, not the child.

They've been captured. Particularly the National autistic society.

However this free download from transgender trend by Jane Galloway, also autistic, is the absolute best thing you'll read explaining all the ins and outs.

www.transgendertrend.com/product/autism-gender-identity/

I think this article should be widely read and the author has been brave and honest in the experience her family went through.
It neatly encapsulates the reasons why good, decent people buy into this for their children and are sure they're doing the right thing.
Expecting children to understand complex concepts like sex and gender without any objective frame of reference is doomed to fail. I'm exasperated by people ascribing 'trans' to perfectly normal stages of child development.

Thanks for that link WarriorN Transgender Trend are a mine of resources for adults seeking to support children through all this.
There's a TT article which is directly relevant to this - a psychologist's analysis of the catastrophic impact socially transitioning young children has on their psychological development:

www.transgendertrend.com/childhood-social-transition/:

What struck me about this story is how no one professional intervened or even seemed to question the parents choices.

Perhaps the US is very different but here we have health visitors & school nurses and children will see GPs, attend vaccination clinics and developmental checks, and meet playworkers, nursery nurses, teachers etc.

I’d like to think that someone transing a 3 year old would be questioned about it and perhaps even referred to social services by a concerned adult and that you couldn’t have a primary age child live in the opposite sex role for years without being challenged but perhaps I am naive and it’s all completely captured?

As a mum of two sons of similar ages I read this with interest. One had a long phase of regularly dressing up as Elsa/pretending to be Elsa. Not any other princesses though, just Elsa. I hope he will grow up to be a boy who is confident to explore whatever interests he has. I also remember a conversation between my two when they were about 5 and 3 (both boys). 3 year old -'Im a girl'. 5 year old - 'no you're a boy' 3 year old with emphasis - 'no im a dinosaur' (sorry for lack of apostrophes!).

Not sure how much professionals would intervene in this kind of case. I know there was one case where a child was removed from his mother and residency awarded to his father due to concerns about the mother transitioning the child, but there were other issues there as well. Any intervention could be seen as transphobic.

Family Law Article

Regrettably all those sources of support and safeguarding were politically captured at an early stage by trans pressure groups. However, I note that Dr Hilary Cass has commented that :
"Across schools, social services and local children’s mental health services, staff did not feel that they had sufficient knowledge or expertise to explore gender identity or even address other issues that these young people might be struggling with. I am told that this has now changed completely; other professionals recognise that it is not helpful to exceptionalise gender identity issues, and that they have the transferrable skills to work in this area".

If she means that children's wellbeing is finally being prioritised over adult lobby group demands, then that would be great. But until we see clear evidence of this, I'll remain sceptical.