Resources for teen boy questioning gender

[moofolk]

It would be good to have a thread of resources to show young people who think they are trans to feel happier in their own selves / bodies etc.

I have plenty of things for adults to read / discuss / watch / think about, but not as much for the early teen group to few excellent about themselves.

They are the ones at risk atm and would like to collate some things for them.

Books that help teen boys to see it's ok to be fey / not masculine as well as for girls to be laddish. (Although I know girls are the biggest at risk group, I also think there are more role models etc of the tomboy than the Nancy boy).

And I have a personal reason for this too.

So hit me: I know we can link to Transgender Trend, 4th Wave Now etc but what about for them to read, not us.

Disclaimer: my son has just started reading his second novel about a boy who is 'really' a girl.

More to our personal story but don't want that to be the focus here. Looking for resources, ideas, explanations of why it's ok to be a boy, even if you don't want to be, even with a feminist mum who mainly hangs out with amazing women, maybe sometimes blaming the patriarchy for stuff.

Maybe even a mum who talks about this shit all the time, and maybe thinks her refusal to instil gender stereotypes on her little boy has come back to bite her, and whose son says that science says trans but (obviously) hasn't read the studies and is way too young to show academic papers disproving this to.

Thanks!

Been watching this but might be a bit much

www.transgendertrend.com/

Honestly I would dig out lots of pop videos from the 70s and 80s: powerful role models of men who challenge gender stereotypes and dress and love how they like. Help him feel confident to break free of convention and have fun with his desire to be GNC. Bowie, Bolan, Bioy George, Annie Lennox…. Try to get him see that current ideology is restrictive, limiting, old-fashioned and he can forge a new path. He can never be a girl but he can dress how he likes, sleep with whom he likes, behave how he likes and that’s all great.

Boy George's mid 1990's autobiography, 'take it like a man' is quite good, though only for kids in at least their mid teens, since its content is hardly for the faint hearted (gay sex, drug use, etc). Talks a lot about feeling different etc as an older child and teen including the obvious (idolising Bowie, closer friendships with girls, fancying boys, liking women's clothes). At one point (IRRC) refers to himself as a "transvestite". In at least one place slips into using female pronouns to refer to his male frienemy Marilyn, but in a way that's very much tongue in cheek rather than dogmatic. But at no point even halfway contemplates denying the reality of his male body and essence or the fact that he's a gay man.

I know that this isn’t a resource, but for any parents of kids who are questioning their gender, block tumblr.

Brian Molko from Placebo, the album with Nancy Boy on it. Maybe he's written some stuff too, sure there are interviews online.

Maybe encourage him to ask himself who the people are online and in organisations who are encouraging him to think this way. What are their motives? Is there money to be made from this, or another form of pleasure they may be getting from talking to him about his body? And yes, the poster who mentioned the freer, more open minded attitudes of the 70s and 80s, to ask himself what has changed in society now, for example the growth of social media, sexism, homophobia, pushed by the US surgery industry and big pharma, to make him think he can't dress or behave in a certain way without having to 'change sex'?

Hmm, this is a tough one. As a lesbian there is lots for tomboys..And these sweet boys may not necessarily be gay.

1. Prince - he looks so feminine, is tiny! Speaks quietly, is shy and immensely talented and straight. And straight women loved him too.

2. Admiral Nelson: tiny, weak constitution, always ill...genius strategist. military hero.

3. Jim Parsons ; "Sheldon" in Big Bang Theory was no manly man! neither was Howard nor the rest of the gang. This whole series is good.

4)Kpop : Korean pop boy bands they are makeup wearing effeminate idols!

5)www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-42499809
it's about 'flower boys' and the appeal of soft masculinity in Korea

6. Edmund in the Narnia series... I like Edmund as he's not heroic, goes through a lot, and at the end is the advisor: wise, thoughtful.

7. Slytherins. Harry Potter. Draco, Blaise, Theo well-dressed unbrave Slytherins who are also cunning and shrewd survivors.
   7a.) Neville Longbottom, flower-loving timid Gryffindor who winds up a hero.

8. Effeminate Samurai: yes indeed you can be an effeminate warrior:
   wellcomecollection.org/works/jh9dhqzk The samurai were famous for same-sex love too.

9. Yaoi manga - effeminate boy-boy romance. Usually written for and by women. So women like this! In English fanfiction you can find tons of male/male pairings too. Harry Potter: Neville/Theo Nott, Draco/Harry etc

I quite like the Stella O'Malley documentary because it looks at both sides. It's the one I most suggest that people watch and I think that it is accessible to younger people.

Oh my goodness like the whole glam era of the 1970s, from Slade and Wizard to Bowie and Elton John, it was all men donning make up and sparkly clothes.

Twisted Sister documentary on Netflix is excellent. I loved reading about the whole cult behind Rocky Horror in the 1970s in the US, people watched that 100s of times in late night screenings.

Also it's a fact that many women find effeminate men hot.

Some more examples:
Ikebana masters: flower arranging is regarded as an art in Japan. This man has a flower shop and is deeply sensitive: magnifissance.com/arts/ikebana-arrangements-master-from-japan/
Onnagata Kabuki: men playing women's roles.
Chess players: they are a typically unmasculine bunch and are athletes too! www.menshealth.com/fitness/a29144951/chess-players-calorie-burn/
Marcel Proust: world famous writer, effeminate gay male
Lawrence of Arabia: short 5'5", effeminate giggle, asexual/gay archeologist, soldier

I second block Tumblr and also severely restrict and monitor all internet use. Get him out and about and using his body. Find a physical activity that he really enjoys be it rock climbing, parkour, ballet, gymnastics, weight training, running, swimming, squash, dancing, hill walking, kayaking - as well as all the team sports like football, cricket, rounders, hockey - all those school ones. Scouts, cadets etc. Cooking, sewing (think Patrick Grant), musical instrument. Art, craft, photography. Anything away from the computer.

I third blocking Tumblr + restricted internet usage. Agree on getting him out and about using his body:
chess club, fencing (I did this and it was brilliant, very aesthetic too),soft martial arts: Aikido, Tai Chi , Kyudo (Japanese archery) Judo, Korean or Japanese Buddhist meditation, badminton, foraging, gardening (so many famous male garden designers), Go/Paduk (Japanese/Korean game) , Japanese or Korean calligraphy, knitting.

if he has any interest in Korean Popular culture like Kpop or more classic aspects like Korean Buddhism, Paduk, calligraphy or Japanese Go, Aikido, Ikebana etc, let him immerse himself in learning the language; Korean and Japanese will be very useful later on and it's time consuming and challenging.

Aristotle and Dante explore the secrets of the universe is a very sweet YA novel about two boys and the start of their relationship alone doesn’t want to acknowledge that he is gay.

Not just block Tumblr but check his internet history and who he's been talking too.

Phone and internet privileges are revoked for now. He'll get them back but not sure what to do on that front tbh.

I've been doing a lot of the things suggested, and agree that it's about doing other rumblings rather than necessary combating the GI ideas.

Thanks for all the advice.

I once read an interview of Rupert Everett, where he said he was glad he wasn‘t a kid now. As a kid he felt like he should be a girl (up until 14 I think), then puberty hit and he never looked back…
I can‘t do the ,search and copypaste link‘ stuff on my mobile phone, but it should be easy to find.

(Sperling of him: I will never understand why Rupert Everett didn’t get to play James Bond.)

It’s a really good question OP, seems like possibly a gap in the market.

Not what you asked for but just wanted to check you r come across this org, especially this post : www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/toptentips/

This is the best advice on the thread 👌

Get him back in the real world OP.

www.theguardian.com/film/2016/jun/19/rupert-everett-dangers-of-child-sex-change-operations-gender

Everett, currently starring in the BBC1 show The Musketeers, told the Sunday Times magazine: “I really wanted to be a girl. Thank God the world of now wasn’t then, because I’d be on hormones and I’d be a woman. After I was 15 I never wanted to be a woman again.”

Thank you OldCrone, that‘s it!

(and my phone‘s spell checker changed ‚speaking‘ to ,Sperling (=pigeon)‘… oh well…)