Need to vent!

[Ladyof2022]

A woman posted on a local community neighbourhood forum website that I am a member of, expressing how honoured she felt being asked to do the make up and hair of a person aged 82 who had recently changed sex. He changed sex, it turns out, by beginning to wear make up, growing his hair to just below his ears and wearing skirts instead of trousers, and is now called "she".

The OP mentioned how uncomfortable he said he had felt for years, "having" to wear a bra under male clothes, worried sick that someone might notice, but now he could be himself, sorry herself.

Not only was the OP gushing but all the women who replied to the thread fawned and simpered over the 82-yr-old, using words like how "amazing" the person was to have done this and phrases like "being her true self" etc.

Not one woman who responded asked WHY she felt that she "HAD TO" wear a bra when she used to be a man. None asked to have the process explained as to how putting on a skirt turns a male into a female.

Honestly these brainless handmaidens drive me up the wall!

I have to sit on my hands. We post in our real names on that site and so I have to gag myself, silence myself, as I could not cope with the onslaught of abuse I know I would get, the loss of potential friends and customers to my small local business. Yes, I know that makes me a coward and I feel bad about that, as well!

I was longing to reply as below, but I can't, so to get it off my chest I am posting it on here.

"You know what is genuinely brave and amazing? Negotiating life as a female. Not only battling all the disadvantages of growing up as a girl under patriarchy, but putting up with periods, boys staring and teasing and groping, men leering and commenting on your teenage body, then often a string of relationships with men who treat you like a second class citizen or talk down to you or browbeat you for sex when you don't want it. Then there are the multivarious female-only conditions that millions of women have to contend with: endometriosis, fibroids, etc etc. Then there is the labour market and the search for a half-decent husband. Then childbearing and childrearing, juggling work and childcare, being criticised by all sides. Next often comes a divorce, widowhood or other heartbreak which she just has to get over and make the best of things. Then there is the second struggle to be taken seriously in the workplace. Then comes the menopause, with all the horrors that brings many women, and then being denigrated as an "old woman" who is ignored, put down, or mocked.

WOMEN are the people who should be celebrated as brave, NOT a man who for 82 years enjoyed all the advantages and privileges of being a male in a patriarchal society - a better education, more prestige, higher status, higher wages, a little wifey at home to meet his needs and do his housework and raise his kids. At age 82 he puts on a skirt and some lipstick and suddenly she's this great, brave, stunning heroine, fawned over by women, many of whom have spent their lives as detailed above, but they still think the transwoman is braver and more amazing and courageous and stunning than they are, and indeed than any woman is.

My blood is boiling and I am so frustrated that I cannot post on that thread. Grrr!

I've always said that it would be more useful if those who felt they were 'born in the wrong body' as men got to work with women and fought for equal pay, and end to porn and rape culture, for reproductive rights and so on and also stepped up to do the caring work, look after the elderly and 50% of the domestic labour. But most don't. They just wear lacy knickers and bras.

I understand totally what you’re saying, I’m just saying that there’s a lot of assumptions being placed on one person and what’s coming across in a Facebook post which is never someone’s entire lived experience. There are many women who have transitioned to being men and living how they choose. I just don’t see how this one person has caused so much upset when no one knows her - it’s simplifying a really complex issue and assuming a lot of things. Women who have transitioned will face a lot of struggles and are very vulnerable to violence, domestic violence and I just misplaced anger which should be aimed at those who do us harm.

No assumptions - he lived as a man for 82 years. Marriage, kids, career. Then at 82 puts on a skirt and claims that this has turned him into a woman.

It was not a Facebook post. It was a community neighbourhood forum (as I have said twice now).

I have never come across any women in their 80s saying they have transitioned to being male. A great many wear casual, male-style clothing, but they do not ever claim this makes them men.

I want this man to wear skirts and makeup if that's what he fancies doing as a hobby in his old age - good on him. But he remains a man and must use male facilities. MEN must get used to having such men in their spaces and stop being such bigots.

If by "women who have transitioned" you mean people like this 82 year old, then no, they don't face increased risk of violence, domestic or otherwise. You may have seen some stats based on South America where many TW are sex workers (a dangerous occupation for anyone) and have relationships with men (another risk factor, sadly). In the UK I believe the stats show that trans people are pretty much the safest demographic, and as for domestic violence, given that the majority are interested in women rather than men, then no, there is no trend of men coming home and beating their TW wives. The trans widows threads will show you plenty of unpleasantness in the opposite direction, though.
I think why people are frustrated with your post is that, essentially, there seems to be a collective amnesia around the existence of cross-dressers. It's a kink as old as time. Nobody especially begrudges this pensioner putting on make-up and wearing a bra (!), but then or twenty years ago nobody at all would have concluded that they were a poor soul in the wrong body. Until the term "trans" (instead of transsexual) was created explicitly to include this group.

I literally have no idea what a “community neighbourhood forum” is but I apologise for not being able to hate on an 82 year old for and daring to be open about something personal. I don’t feel the need to rant about something like this that makes no impact on my life - you have not said anything directly which says a lot about the situation, you have chosen to share on Mumsnet where it seems this kind of view is reflected and encouraged. Do you not have friends who share similiar views as you you can vent to?

My first thought was ‘HAS to???’ Without breast they ‘needed’ to do nothing of the sort.

I have to sit on my hands. We post in our real names on that site and so I have to gag myself, silence myself, as I could not cope with the onslaught of abuse I know I would get, the loss of potential friends and customers to my small local business. Yes, I know that makes me a coward and I feel bad about that, as well!

OP - this is important. Imagine how many others are in the same position as you, ranting at the screen, and being silenced due to lack of anonymity? The only people who will be posting will be the clueless virtue signallers.

OP has said it's a neighbourhood forum.
Many young women have transitioned and are now detransitioning in large numbers (because actually you cannot change sex) and often silenced because reasons.

What exactly is complex about saying the words "I am a woman" and thus they are a woman now. Nothing else is needed, so it's hardly complex is it.

Women who have transitioned
I assume by this you mean men who have transitioned to women? Usually known as transwomen. If they really are being harmed in great numbers (theres nothing I know of that suggests this is true) why is it womens (cunty type) role to shove up, give up spaces, be the barrier, be abused in our own prisons, be gas lighted about our rape on a female sex ward?

My first thought was ‘HAS to???’ Without breast they ‘needed’ to do nothing of the sort.

My first thought too 🙄

It is not hateful to say he can have as much make up, bras and skirts as he wants.
It is not hateful to expect him to go out however he wants to dress.

It is not daring to put on lipstick.

And I applaud mumsnet for being here so we can remind men to accept their own sex any which way they dress.

And men thinking they understand what it means to be female because they have a breath of fresh air on their balls actually has an impact on your life in the health statistics alone, never mind the raging arguments in the other areas of life.

That you chose to ignore it because you are not actively being assaulted is on you.

And it is why we rant. Not about him dressing up however he likes but about the clueless hand-clappers who encourage him to believe he understands what women around him deal with daily!

"to hate on an 82 year old"

Where have I "hated" him? In fact I expressly said "good on him" for wearing what he wants. if you find that hateful then I wonder for your sanity!

"Do you not have friends who share similiar views as you you can vent to?"

Have you seen how many threads people start on Mumsnet? Tens of thousands of threads asking questions, venting, asking for advice, opinions, etc. Haven't the thousands of women starting threads for friends they can talk to?

People equate ‘I don’t kiss his feet’ with ‘hate’.

I just want to add that a big part of my annoyance, which maybe I did not make clear, is my having to self-silence, to de-platform myself, out of fear.

Lots of things are discussed on that local forum, and a range of opinions from people on all sides of all issues are aired. I've never been scared before of disagreeing with an OP. This literally is the ONE subject on which nobody dares to post anything other than gushing praise and adulation, re-einforcement of how wonderful and amazing it is.

@Fluffyfluffflufffluff is right. There MUST be others who want to call out the silly things the OP said on that forum, but know, like me, that they are not allowed to, so they shut up. Why was there no response from the men on the forum? They make up 50% but ..... crickets.