17 yo girl complains about being forced to share a room with a trans "girl" who told her "she" "imagines having her body." She's told she is transphobic and a "prima donna"

[Musicalfish]

archive.ph/rC9LY

Not creepy at all then

She posted on reddit AITA

"Hey, soon going to play in a junior event for a mindsport. I don't want to say exactly what it is because its quite niche and i might be identifiable. There are 8 of us going, me 6 boys and a trans woman. I am 17 and the trans woman is also 17 and she only came out as trans about 3 months ago. Tbh I've always found her a bit annoying and also I'd always thought she had a crush on me and she has stalked me on social media and I noticed her staring at me before a few times and I kinda thought some of this was a bit creepy. She still has the same body as before when she was living as a boy and I feel like part of the reason why we don't share a room is because of her bodies and I was never really comfortable with it especially as I thought she had a crush on me. I was told I was sharing a room with her and I said that I wasn't really comfortable with that. I am completely fine with her being trans I just don't really want to share a room with her.
To start with I asked if I could share a room with my boyfriend who is also in the team but this got a definite no. I then asked if i could be in a room on my own but this is more money and this is all being funded. Our squad leader told me that not wanting to share a room with her was transphobic and he said I was being a "prima donna."
I was trying to sort this out without her knowing but unfortunately she found out and she messaged me about it. She said that she would respect my space and that she just wanted us to be friends but she also said that she had "always imagined having my body" and always thought about what it would be like. She clearly meant it as a compliment but it made me feel really weird that she thinks of me like that and now I just can't get this image out of my head of her looking at me when I am asleep and imagining she has my body and it really creeps me out. It just makes me really uncomfortable.
I was messaging my friend from another country who I have played online with quite a bit over COVID and is going and the only girl in her team and she offered that I could share a room with her. I asked my coach about this and he said that he thought he'd heard enough of this and he talked in quite a patronising way about team spirit and he again told me I was a prima donna and I told him how she told me she had always imagined having my body but he said that this wasn't a big deal. I don't know if I am right to be making a big deal of this or not or if i am right to be uncomfortable with the situation?"
Naturally this was deleted and her account has been banned.

Creepy as fuck. And to have safeguarding so completely ignored.

Boyfriend needs to identify as a girl for the duration of the tournament and share a room with her. Bloody ridiculous all this.

And it’s been deleted, right?

Yet if she identifies as being a boy they would have put her into the boys room and it wouldn’t have been a hard no! What are these idiot teachers on? How can you possibly do safeguarding under conditions where you can’t use clear and accurate language, blanket rules are torn up and exemptions are given out with organisers making contradictory and personal decisions, and where whistle blowing and complaints are met with contempt? An utter clusterfuck of problems there

Male, female or trans, EVERY man woman or trans person has the right to feel comfortable with who they share a room with. Being a trans woman should have no baring on this 17 year old wanting to feel comfortable as she sleeps.

Jesus. That girl should not go on that trip if she has to share a room with that creepy fucker. I would personally punch that coach for his attitude. At least he'd think twice before treating girls so callously. Imagine insisting that she has no choice and refusing all the other options. Absolute fuckers.

I never comment on these threads but this is just not right, the trans woman still has a penis right, and will be sharing a room alone with a 17yr old female, who is understandably uncomfortable with that as she's made some creepy comments and behaviour towards her in the past. Wtaf. World has gone mad.

I was involved in lots of youth trips when I was in my late teens (mid 2000s so not so long ago) and we were never allowed to have mixed sex rooms, even though most of guys were gay men who were good friends and no threat whatsoever.

Dear god the replies on that thread. 🤮‘it’s a learning experience’

Oh yes, the old be nice, be kind, move over women! 🤮

“You don’t always get what you want” if you’re a woman 😡

Reddit is insanely misogynist; probably one of the worst places to post about something like this. And yes, their mods will delete a thread if there are too many unapproved responses (anything not totally male-centred). Also it's useless for any type of practical/legal/policy advice unless you state your location and someone familiar with it happens to see the post.

LOL at this: I would have said not the asshole but you wanting to share a room with a man, your boyfriend, but not her changed my mind. It honestly just sounds like you see her as a man and don't want to share a room with her. I find there's a difference between sharing a room with someone I'm in a consensual relationship with versus any random and especially one who gives me creep vibes. Consent exists even if it makes you mad, bro.

I think the safest thing to do is for her and the bf to identify as a specific third gender - nonbinary would do - for the duration of the trip, that way they're sure to be paired together as there are then two of them and no other people in the category.

Great post

And the post is an example of how men (the coach) just don't get it. He's not of the sex that is leered at and subject to the male gaze.

This!

Has this 17 yo girl got no parents? They should be fighting her corner. She's being sacrificed on the altar of niceness - don't do it, girl. Be nasty.

Prima Donna? You tend to think language like that died out, don’t you? Young woman wants boundaries and privacy. Bad young woman.

Our squad leader told me that not wanting to share a room with her was transphobic and he said I was being a "prima donna."

Only a man could think like this. Suspect the transphobic stance is him putting on his Teflon coat & avoiding the issue. So much at risk here & safeguarding out the window.

In 20 years time we could be looking back and seeing these times as the 'jimmy saville' scandal of this generation.

Reddit is a sexist sewer. Wasn't Aimee Challenor one of the admins a while back. So glad I dumped it.

You can understand all you like and still maintain boundaries and say no

As far as I understand it, Challenor still is an admin.

the trans woman 17yr old male still has a penis right, and will be sharing a room alone with a 17yr old female, who is understandably uncomfortable with that as she's he's made some creepy comments and behaviour towards her in the past. Wtaf. World has gone mad.

Language makes a difference. That's why its under attack.

Agree the parents should go on the rampage over this. If something happened to that girl, the coach would soon find himself in court.

Eugh! I sometimes have a read of AITA when I've run out of MN threads to waste time with read. I won't give them the clicks anymore.