11 year old cat-called in the street

[Afternooncoffee]

On Sunday afternoon my 11.3 year old daughter was walking back from the shop, a 0.3 walk away from our house.

When she came back in she came up to me and used the kind of voice she would use if she is really worried/scared/trying to get me to take notice.
She described walking up the street that leads to our street. From her voice and demeanour I thought she was going to say someone had tried to get her into a car.

About 4 male teenagers - she thought they were about 13 to 14 - riding by on bikes and shouted “look at that ugly bitch”. (She very much isn’t, if it’s relevant.) It has completely shaken her. She’s anxious anyway, has all kinds of food/health/academia preoccupations, and she has decided they are right.
I’m particularly concerned about eating disorders but her self-esteem generally.

I just feel such a mixture of worry and plain old rage about all the times in my life I’ve tolerated bullying misogyny. Mainly I just think how fucking DARE they?
What can I do to make her feel better.

I do read this board occasionally but I’m not a poster on it.

Bullying, misogynistic bullying, is exactly right.

Bullying is defined as a series of interactions designed to make the bullied person feel powerless and worse about themselves and the bully/ bullies feel in control powerful and better about themselves.

The only way to win is not to play. but insofar as it hurts try not to show that it hurts? Jesus I wish I had better advice but I don't.

What horrible and disgusting boys. They are obviously the ones with the problem. They had their sentences ready to shout out with the aim of harassing girls. The only thing that makes them feel like big boys is to try to demean girls.

I hope your daughter can see it is nothing at all to do with her. They were cowardly and pathetic, and the words reflect the ugliness that is their world.

Yup 11 is about when it started for me. She'll have to learn all the things we all do.

So so angry.

Its worrying that she believes what they were saying, and she needs to learn some resilience. Other people are not automatically in authority over her.

Have a look at assertiveness training, including 'A woman in your own right' by Anne Dickson. Try to find out whey she believes what they said, instead of recognising it as bullying.

It's time to teach her to give the finger whilst looking incredibly bored.

Explain that what was said is a reflection on them, not on her.

My brother has had comments in the street such as: look at that fat bastard.

The people who make the comments are just moronic bullies and they will say anything to anyone. She really needs to understand that the comment was nothing to do with her and that those boys have something the matter with them.

Nothing to offer but anger and solidarity. I have an 11yo girl too.

There must be some feminist reading someone can recommend to help her recognise that it’s not about her at all - it’s about them behaving like idiots and shits. I’ll let you know if I find anything.