feeling very sad

[ginslinger]

I had a really good friend who just suddenly cut me off. We work within the same field and still run into each other from time to time - I saw her a few weeks ago and suggested we get together for coffee but she told me that she was too busy. I saw her again a few weeks later and asked her directly if I had done something to upset or offend her and she told me no.
Part of the work I do involves recruitment and today I realised I was looking at an application from her son - he uses the pronouns 'they' and 'them'. I had had conversations with her about my GC views about a year ago - she had pushed back a little asking me if the things I was saying really happened or if it was 'just twitter'.
I may be making 2+2 add up to 5 but I suspect she has dumped me because of her son's situation and I feel so sad about it. I really don't know what to do and I miss her a lot.
I can't talk about this in the real world because I feel I'm getting a reputation for being this mad, single issue weirdo.

Im sorry OP, a lot of women here have lost friends over this. I know I have.

So sorry to hear this. Big hugs. I've lost friends too - decades long friendships gone ...

I feel sorry for the son though - because if I was a recruting and I saw pronouns on an application form I'd ditch it immediately

if I was a recruting and I saw pronouns on an application form I'd ditch it immediately

I think pronouns would be recruitment kryptonite. You may as well put a big red flag on your application that says 'brace yourself for unreasonable demands'.

Hugs op, that's tough.

Sorry you lost potentially list a friend. Could it be she was distancing from you to keep your friendship neutral whilst her son's application went through?

I thought job applications were de -personalising so no name, sex, race etc so why would they ask for pronouns? Is it optional?

Yes it is entirely optional for the pronouns - I'm not directly employed by the organisation, I just deal with some of the recruitment aspects. There are a lot of people who shove their pronouns into emails but it's not mandated yet.

Thanks everyone for your understanding

Whoa. It hurts, doesn't it.

Five years ago I was best man at my mate's wedding. My speech was all about what a great, strong friendship we had and all the fun we shared. We had been friends for over 20 years.

And today - not only does he not speak to me, but he's told mutual friends I am 'dead to him'. Over this issue.

It is the very stubborn notion that putting women's rights first is somehow transphobic, and that transphobia is the same as homophobia. Stopping anyone from looking beyond the headlines into what this ideology is really peddling is one of the key tactics.

Sadly, when this is all over (and it will be) I doubt my friendship will revive. He said some horrible things, and let his mates pile on and say even viler things (all done on twitter).

Wouldn't you be opening up for a discrimination case against yourself/company though?
We wouldn't accept someone being rejected for being a woman in case they wanted maternity leave, or a Sikh, so to me it seems that rejecting someone because they worship at the altar of gender seems extremely dodgy.

It’s like people being recruited into a fundamentalist movement (don’t think we are allowed to use the ‘c’ word?). They will maintain, rather than that they have embraced novel and unprovable ideas about gender and you are just sitting here thinking what you’ve always thought, that you have suddenly become an intolerable, bigoted person. It’s sad, but it’s nonsense.