I Invented Non-Binary Day - Interesting Article

[EllieQ]

I’m venturing into FWR for the first time as I thought this BBC article was quite interesting, but I can’t discuss it with anyone in the ‘real world’ as I am not brave enough to state my GC views.

Non-Binary Day

Katje says she proposed the idea of Non-Binary day on her blog several years ago, and was surprised to see it being picked up several years later and becoming more well-known. But I found it more interesting to read about her story of not feeling she fitted in, finding out about LGBT identities, deciding she was non-binary, but that in later years she seems to have backed off from it all, says she thinks the online debate is toxic, and is less bothered about using female pronouns.

To me, that’s someone who has felt uncomfortable in their skin and found a label and latched onto it. I also think being in Science Fiction & Fantasy fandom probably had an influence as certain parts of it are very ‘genderqueer/ genderfluid’ and it is very much a thing. I’m also part of SFF fandom (going to cons etc) hence hiding my GC views in real life and online.

I would like to hear other people’s thoughts on the article as I feel that I struggle to articulate my thoughts on these issues, and appreciate the clearer comments and understanding here on FWR.

Hello.

It's an interesting article she nearly gets it, or maybe I'm just missing her point.

I like that she acknowledged how confusing they/them can be and her line that 'very few people write as well as Shakespeare'.

The more NB catches on, the less sense it makes to me, really it does.

A couple of people I know did a big 'coming out' on the awareness day the other day, announcing they wouldn't be changing anything at all (not even pronouns) and how scary it was to reveal their new status. Result - hundreds of likes and excited congratulations. These were smart people in their mid-30s. Doing absolutely nothing differently. It is unfathomable.

They get to feel special then - they get to seriously, with a straight face, declare themselves as 'trans' as someone actively transitioning and be accepted as such? How odd in that BBC piece the person literally says 'I deserve a day where I get some flowers'. Doesn't everyone!

Would it follow that claiming NB status under the trans umbrella gives even more power for people who have made absolutely no adjustment in their lives at all the 'right' to use spaces of the opposite sex? This worries me.

This bit: I saw that International Non-Binary Day was officially being observed on 14 July - the very day I suggested in my post. It was being observed by the Human Rights Campaign, Stonewall, the UK Parliament website and even dictionary.com. People cited my reasoning for the date, but only the Non-Binary Wikipedia page named my blog as the inspiration. This stung me. A little acknowledgement would have been nice. made me wonder how she's so sure that it was her obscure blog post, idea and reasoning that were picked up. Non-binary day was going to happen at some point, and it seems an easily-arrived-at date after a minute's thought. Surely she can't believe she's so unique and special that out of all the billions of people on the planet, and millions who think of themselves as some flavour of queer, nobody else could've independently come up with that?

Surely she can't believe she's so unique and special that out of all the billions of people on the planet...,

Haha but that's the mentality of everyone who declares themselves non-binary everywhere

Why is non-binary a day? Surely Non-Binary Day doesn't fit the pre-existing definition of a day?

I just can't believe what sexist rubbish I just read.

Seriously, I know we should be used to it by now, but I just cannot believe the BBC uncritically publish this. It's just the very, very definition of sexism! And not even a controversial argument from someone with an intellect, but pure adolescent drivel. I wish the author well and I'm glad she seems happier now, but this should be confined to an embarrassing diary, not published by the BBC.

The bit where she sets the scene with "drama was my favourite subject in high school" gave me a laugh, though

Katje sounds nice. I wonder if she is neurodiverse - she sees the world in a way I don't. I'm not sure we'd get on hugely as I don't enjoy any of the hobbies she has, but she sounds like a very gentle soul.

The only nonbinary person I know at the moment (male, private school educated, father of 2, senior job) has self diagnosed as neurodiverse at the same time. I hope there is going to be more research in the future about how we all relate to our own bodies because it seems dissociation is becoming a global coping strategy.

What a surprise, katje is into cosplay :eyeroll:

I know a young man in his midtwenties who insists he is n.b. It just makes no sense at all. He's into cosplay. Do these young people think we are all just playing at being male and female?

Read this earlier.

There were quite a few funny bits in it.

Who'd have guessed she studied drama?

And, proving that it's certainly nothing to do with being different and special, we have

"For a while I was in favour of singular "they/them" pronouns. But as I saw their use blossom and take off, I began to dislike them, and now I can't stand them."

Well, she seems to be a sensitive, intelligent, imaginative, physically strong and capable young woman. Congratulations to her.

Yes, that’s what I felt - that she was almost at the point of saying that it didn’t matter anymore as she felt more comfortable as herself, but she didn’t quite get there.

I liked her line about Shakespeare too!

I do wonder about that. The NB/ trans person in my family (previously ‘they/ them’ but has recently become ‘she/ her’) certainly focuses on wearing pretty outfits, painting their nails, and selfies with cleavage shots. None of the less glamorous sides of female life 🙄

I also wondered about neurodiversity. The NB/ trans person in my family is on the autistic spectrum, and a few NB people I know (some through fandom) also have signs of being on the spectrum/ have been diagnosed.

Anecdotally, all of my students that are or have been trans or NB have ASD.

One that I know from a different course to the one I teach on has recently come out as NB and is doing performaning arts. She now They is very feminine. I don't get it but go along with what they want.

I went through college and university recently, and often would've found it difficult to work out when I was in an ASD-related gathering and when I was in an LGBTQ+-related gathering if I hadn't already known. (Also science fiction related gatherings. I stopped after going to just one meeting of the SF society, because it was just people blithering on about their queer identities almost the entire time and virtually nothing about SF. Oh, except the small chunk of time organising a trip to see a superhero film.) It's no fun being GC and LGB with ASD in the modern university — a lot of your possible social outlets are constantly queer this and non-binary that and TWAW the other. I was in a women's college and went along to the LGBT club; we spent almost the whole time talking about how to campaign for trans women to be accepted to the college. A group of lesbian and bi women, and there was really nothing else that was more pressing? <grumble gripe moan>

I think it's a special interest for some, which is why they go on and on about it, and can't tell that the other person is bored with listening to it.

I think it's good to have messages out there that you don't have to stick with labels, people change and have time to work things out, but that doesn't have to mean they throw away old identities as worthless or embarrassing. My oldest identifies as NB and they are their peers are all very into trying to work out their precise genders and sexualities and really a lot of it is a teen tribe thing, I think - they have wondered if they might feel 'silly' if they change their mind on their ID and we've both told them it's fine, there's plenty of time to figure stuff out and so forth.

There's a certain type of person who went with "non-binary" a few years back because they just hate the idea that other people are allowed, inside their own heads, to make judgements about them based on their characteristics, and categorise them based on those characteristics and judgements.

So they went around saying "I refuse to be categorised!", and got annoyed that before long, people developed the category, "people who say they refuse to be categorised". So now they're trying to flee from that category too, and it's futile because categorisation is a basic part of how people function.

I have a fb friend who is poly-pan-enbie etc. Lives in a big city with tons of artsy friends/acquaintances. Recently she posted about how if she had a nickel for every 20s-30s man in her social circles who also identified as all those things and then proceeded to chew through all the teenage girls they could get their hands on...

OP, did you read the recent: Brock Colyar on Pronouns, Identifying as Nonbinary

"These days, it feels as if an identity that, not long ago, felt unique to me in most rooms I entered has gone mass. Yes, part of what I’m personally upset about is the fact that this thing I loved isn’t so alt anymore. But more than that, it feels as if pronoun culture has contributed to nonbinary becoming just the third gender after male and female, more static and concrete than its original fluid intentions. The same nonbinary person who complained about nonbinary stereotypes lamented to me, “I don’t want to be a homogeneous normcore mashing of the two genders.” Ben hoped, “If man or woman can mean so many things, then so can nonbinary.” We all became nonbinary to escape gendered expectations, and now we’re stuck again. I can’t help but think that the walking-on-eggshells battle for pronouns is turning my gender into a human-resources-approved corporate product, more neutered than neutral, and, maybe above all else, profoundly unromantic. Next time, just call me by my name."

www.thecut.com/article/brock-colyar-pronouns-nonbinary-essay.html?

Dear me, what heap of pretentious shite.

We all became nonbinary to escape gendered expectations - no love, you declared some bullshit identity to get attention and mark yourself out as super duper special, and now others are jumping on the bandwagon, you have realised you are not special anymore.

I do wonder if this need for uniqueness is to do with trying to find yourself in an online world of billions. Years ago, people would have mainly interacted with their families, small local community, and school friends - and that's about it. Now the younger generations have access to 'peers' from all over the world, so how to you find your place, and assert yourself as an individual in the world when you are competing with so many for attention and voice. Why you make yourself super unique and special of course!!

an identity that, not long ago, felt unique to me in most rooms I entered

FFS this bit - I mean how self absorbed can you be? Also, how dare they assume that everyone else in the room is not also non binary. I mean we should never assume right??
I love how they automatically place everyone else in the category of 'boring and conformist'. It's like a narcissists playbook.

I hadn’t read that before, thanks! Pretty interesting, and I think the section where they say that focusing on pronouns has had a detrimental effect in other areas (Republican authorities passing laws affecting gay/ transgender youth) was a very unusual thing to admit if you’re a campaigner or public identity in these areas.

However, the section about how non-binary isn’t as special anymore made me roll my eyes. I do think that’s a big part of it - young people (and it is mostly young people) are saying ‘I’m not awkward and uncertain about myself and my life - I’m special and unusual’. For SFF fans it was not being one of the ‘mundanes’ before geek culture became more popular (I definitely used to think like this), there were various alternative music sub-cultures (punk, goth, grunge, emo, etc), and now it’s gender identity with lots of agonising over which sub-gender you belong to.

And of course you can move on from being deeply involved with whatever sub-culture you favoured in your youth without much damage, maybe just some embarrassing photos and perhaps some tattoos and piercings, but de-transitioning is not so straightforward.