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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Teenage counselling

6 replies

blibblibs · 04/07/2022 10:13

I'm not sure if I'm in the correct place and should maybe be in LGBT children but I'm back for more advice.
DD13 started identifying as trans about 18 months ago. Hair has been cut, clothing changed to shapeless baggy stuff, all fine. Name change has happened at school but not at home.
The issue I'm having at the moment is chest binding 😔 she's asked numerous times over the last six months or so and we've obviously refused, explaining the reasons why. We've offered to buy a sports bra, although at the moment we wouldn't really need to buy her any type of bra as she hasn't really developed enough to require one, but this isn't good enough. She's come back to me with something she has found online, trans tape, and can she have that. I don't know how many times I can say the same thing.
I think she would benefit from speaking to someone but I don't know how to find someone that won't just affirm everything she believes without exploring why she thinks she can become a boy. I have spoken with the GP after an incident of self harm after my last refusal of binders and they suggested a self referral to chams. However I'm not convinced they are the right avenue to take.
And advice on how to find a counsellor who will explore her feelings rather than just affirm them would be very much appreciated.

OP posts:
achillestoes · 04/07/2022 10:21

Bayswater Support Group?

RhymesWithOrange · 04/07/2022 10:28

Yes, please do get in touch with Bayswater Support Group.

Binders are not safe for growing children. At all.

Good luck Flowers

KittenKong · 04/07/2022 11:30

Ask her what she will be able to do after binding her breasts that she can’t do now. Ask her how life will change for her by doing this? Ask what she can’t do now.

remind her that humans can’t change sex. Cosmetic changes can be extremely damaging and permanent (from binding to surgery). Lots of teen girls hate boobs - mine were a D at that age and our school had a huge construction site next to us - oh you can imagine (and I wore huge baggy jumpers and had my hair shaved by the time I was 15).

does she say she feels ‘trans’ or ‘a boy’. What does that feel like? Without stereotypes now…

when I was a teen in my sisters year is was ‘a thing’ to self harm. My year didn’t have it - we had goths.

blibblibs · 04/07/2022 17:59

I'm in touch with Bayswater but I find discord a bit difficult to navigate.
KittenKong we've had these conversations many times but she's 13 and most of what I get is it's how she feels and I just don't understand! There is no reasoned discussion just me not caring, it's soul destroying.

OP posts:
KittenKong · 04/07/2022 18:00

I guess it’s ‘just mum’ having the conversations. I was a therapist back in the day and occasionally felt with young people (not my area) and the mums would be there like 😮 when their kids would sit nodding along to what I was saying…

Justme56 · 04/07/2022 18:59

Have you looked on the Thoughtful Therapists website? They may be able to help you find someone who can help.

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