Kicked out of Asexual Lesbians group for supporting JKR

[CiraAce]

As an asexual lesbian woman (not sexually attracted to anyone but romantically attracted to women), I joined the Asexual Lesbians London Meetup group:
www.meetup.com/Asexual-Lesbians-London/

I wanted to privately connect with fellow gender-critical asexual women, so I posted in the group a few days ago asking if anyone else also supported JKR and female sex-based rights, while respecting all gender identities of course. I did not say anything to deny the existence of transwomen. I clearly said I did NOT want to start a public debate on the issue, but that I only wanted to privately connect with people who share my views and support JKR, and people could DM me.

Today I saw that I have been removed from the group (no explanation was sent to me), and the admin has posted a message in the group discussion page to the effect "Sorry, didn't see the 'terfy' post earlier. We welcome all transwomen and non-binary women!"

If this is not discrimination and silencing women based on personal beliefs, I don't know what is. How can group admins go on silencing minority voices like this? I had joined this group to connect with fellow asexual lesbians, and I am being denied that opportunity just because of my personal views. So it comes to this: To be allowed into a group based on your sexual/romantic orientation, you MUST necessarily subscribe to the gender ideology that most members believe in. What's next -- you must like the same ice cream flavour as most members of the group?

If there are any asexual (not necessarily lesbian) people here on MN who are also gender critical, please let me know! It would be a great comfort to know that not all asexual people have been captured by gender madness. I would like to join asexual groups but feel highly uncomfortable given their tyrannical insistence on gender ideology.

@CiraAce A question, if I may? If you’re looking for other women - and you’re not interested in sexual relationships with them - aren’t you actually looking for friendship? What’s the difference? I don’t mean to be insulting, I just don’t understand.

I expect the OP is looking for other women like her... it is hard to be a member of a tiny minority and nice to meet people who have the same identity.

Sorry to hear the asexual scene is so weird these days, OP. I used to be slightly involved in it when it first started up 20 years ago and before the TRA madness began. Much nicer then.

Happy to answer! Imagine a committed long-term relationship or marriage, but just without sex (perhaps adopting children if both partners wanted). That would be my desired scenario. But I'm not exclusively looking to settle down with a potential life partner right now, I'd just like to meet and form friendships with fellow asexuals -- there are so few of us!

Hey OP I'm asexual and gender critical too (I literally believe in sex-based rights but people can live how they choose otherwise as long as it hurts no-one) I'm sorry you were kicked out its hard enough finding asexual spaces anywhere and I often feel too afraid to voice my opinons as I'll be labelled as hateful when I just want some reality to exist. Just discovered the trans woman Blaire White and she's fantastic, she stands with women on sex based rights but also for trans rights and tbh is a credit.

Wow, I'm envious! I was in primary school in the early 2000s when it started, and although I knew very well that I experienced zero sexual attraction as I got older, I didn't know it had an official name until my early 20s.

I would love to hear your experiences from the days when the TRAs hadn't taken over, if you don't mind sharing. Around when do you think the change for the worse happened? I myself only became vocally gender-critical around 2019/2020 when people started harassing JKR but I wish I had paid more attention earlier!

Yay! Nice to meet you. 😀Ooh, I'll have to check out Blaire White. I also think transwoman Caitlyn Jenner is great for clearly stating her sane and logical views on transwomen in women's sports. Do you currently participate in any local/online ace groups? Have you met any gender-critical people there?

If you are on Twitter, feel free to let me know your username if you want (DM also fine). I have met only 2 other gender-critical asexual people so far on Twitter and we were wondering if there were more of us!

@CiraAce You too! Yeah she's great I have watched a lot of her YouTube videos and she just says things like they are. I agree too about her because thats the thing I just want the facts and reality to remain and for sports to be kept separate. I don't at the moment tbh I have never really discussed it/dealt with it except for with a few irl people but that group fizzled out lol I used to
go to the main ACE website tho. I don't have twitter unfortunately but Im glad there are some gc aces there! I'm almost certain there are more of us, I think dealing with being ace and being gc makes it even more difficult to show ourselves sadly

Try giggle to meet likeminded women.

Set up a burner email account etc first then start your own group to contact people you want to contact then when your targeted you can just bin it all off and shut it down

Have you (or anyone else on here) had any success with giggle? I had a look at it once but it was so pink that I couldn't face it.

OP - my involvement in the asexual community was online and pretty limited, but I remember a really nice dynamic. It was the first time (as far as I'm aware) that anyone had set up anything formal for asexuals, and so nice for each of us to discover we weren't alone and that there was a word for us that wasn't "frigid". Inevitably some people discovered that they weren't asexual and moved away from the whole thing, and for others there wasn't much to discuss after the initial excitement, but there was a steady flow of new posters. I'm sorry to hear it's all been poisoned by the gender ideology madness.

Thanks for the giggle suggestion Purgatory but honestly I'm not very comfortable with apps like that, especially ones that make you upload personal info, photos for facial recognition, etc.

Joan - that was what my online involvement with AVEN was like as well! It was great when I first discovered that there are asexual people like me out there in the world, and I would engage on the forums often, but past the initial 'honeymoon phase' I lost interest.

I got kicked out of the DIVA Facebook group for making a comment about chestfeeding.

These aren't your people if they think this is acceptable. I'm a non-asexual bisexual woman so no idea where you find your tribe but I'm sure they're out there. Twitter is more open to varied viewpoints. Lots of GC women on there.

I find giggle really confusing as you have to set up different profiles for every section you go into. I haven't managed to make connections that way. I haven't used it much as a result.

💐Isn't it simply awful to get kicked out of a group that is specifically meant to be welcoming and supportive for people of your sexual orientation, especially when it's hard to find people like yourself in real life? They'd rather support males who like dressing like women than females who are lesbian/bisexual/asexual!

My original approach to finding my tribe had been to look for GC people within asexual circles. Since that has failed, I have reversed my strategy to looking for asexual people within GC circles. I'm on Twitter as well and have seen only 2 GC asexuals there!

It's tricky because lots of people who aren't that bothered about sex won't identify publicly as asexual. And lots of GC people won't identify publicly as such because of all the hate out there. Plus, of course, there's a lot more to getting on with someone than just sharing a GC/asexual identity.

What is your existing friendship circle like, and what other interests do you have? Is there scope to build on what you have already?

I can understand their point of view...You had just joined the group and you started using it as a personal platform for a particular issue. Inappropriate.

I do have some great close friends who are non-asexual, and we share interests like reading, travelling, etc. I have only recently brought up GC stuff with them and some of them agree with me, others don't. I won't be devastated if I never meet any asexual GC people in real life, but it would be really nice to. My friend circle consists of almost all unmarried childless people (late 20's/early 30's) though most are in romantic relationships. I don't feel friendless right now but I am afraid that in 5-10 years' time when everyone else is married with children, they'll have no time for me. That's why I'm keen to form asexual friendships, and hopefully a committed long-term partnership eventually. I couldn't imagine having a partner who is not GC at heart though (of course she doesn't have to be vocal or active about it)!

I don't think that's fair.

OP said I clearly said I did NOT want to start a public debate on the issue, but that I only wanted to privately connect with people who share my views and support JKR, and people could DM me.

At that point, it's just like joining the group and asking if there is anyone who is particularly into hairmetal music, or saying you're looking for someone who is an atheist, or who likes Warhammer figurines. People want to find people with whom they have multiple points of connection!

I am straight but that boils my piss. I am not a non-man and neither are any of the wonderful, strong, clever, funny, hardworking women I know. If anyone calls me or them a non-man, they'll get some real hate speech!

TBH OP, asexual as an identity is pretty much rooted in queer theory, and so it's pretty unlikely you will find people who are identifying in that way who are not signed up to all the rest of it. My thought would be that just like people in the past, you may need to just try and fine people with a compatible sex drive mainly by talking to them etc.