Are your children GC?

[Bitebite]

I’m very pleased to say that one of mine is vocally GC and the other two are privately GC. I count myself as quite fortunate because I know there’s no guarantee of family unity on the gender topic.

DS (20) is at an ultra-woke university where they are falling over themselves to be as “inclusive” as possible. He finds the whole thing perplexing but doesn’t actively speak out against it because it is not a hill he wants to die on. Shortly after he started, he was required to attend a training course and people began introducing themselves with their names and pronouns. He was confused (honestly, I have no idea how he avoided this before, may have been because he was at a boys’ school that focused almost exclusively on rugby). So he said, “Er, hi, I’m MiniBiteBite. And I’m a boy, er, soon to be man”. Later he was elected as Men’s Officer, but was told he needed to use the full title “Men and Minority Genders” and was then sent a message reminding him “don’t say identify as because they are if you see what I mean”, which he didn’t…

DD (17) is fully GC, a fan of Posie Parker and quite outraged at her peers’ willingness to give away women’s rights. As far as she knows there is only one other GC girl in her year, the rest are agitating for mixed bathrooms (it’s an all girls’ school!), pronouns etc. Her year group started a petition to require the school to collect and use chosen pronouns and the headmistress shot down this idea saying it would be too stressful for the teachers to remember it all. My daughter cheered. She is infuriated by her peers’ inability to see the full picture: her friends were talking about how nice it would be to have an all-girls nightclub so they could dance without getting unwelcome male attention. She pointed out that with self ID, any man could enter their imaginary nightclub. The friends thought about this for a moment, and then all piled on with transphobia accusations. Luckily, she has enough confidence (and social standing) to stick to her guns.

DD (15) is probably the most infuriated by woke culture. She has been accused of cultural appropriation because she wore a hair braid, racism because she asked her Indian friend to pick up her violin when she was going to the music department … and her response has been to distance herself from those making the accusations. She’d have no friends at all if she avoided the “be kind” brigade, so she just puts up with the trans stuff and regularly pours out her frustrations to me.

I’m really interested in what the family dynamics are like in other families. And how you think it happened that your kids ended up with such different views to you?

Ha no. They have been well trained at school. I'm not arguing with them, they'll work it out eventually.

we don't unquestioningly accept magical thinking in our house. Anyone can believe anything, such as that fairies exist, but prepare to be asked for your rationale and evidence if you want others to accept your belief as well.

Yes 12 and 14 both GC. Oldest comes to meetings with me.

My children are younger. They are both “GC” in the sense that it’s never occurred to them that the issue is more complicated than “girls” and “boys”, and boys have penises and girls don’t. If anyone tries teaching them otherwise I will consider it indoctrination with a false ideology, because they already know the facts.

My neice has a friend who is a boy but says he's a girl. She thinks it's disgraceful that the trans-kids parents refuse to endorse the illusion. However she is going on holiday with said parents at their expense, so I'm not sure how deeply held these beliefs are. (The trans kid is not going due to the dispute). I couldn't help but be quite scornful. She still speaks to me thank god. I thought about hiding my feelings from her, but I thought, all is lost if we don't tell this generation our real feelings on the matter. We're quite a close family who don't fall out so thought it was an OK risk. My niece is notably pragmatic and says it how it is. A no nonsense type. I assume she'll give up on this nonsense after school.

No. DS is GC but says it is really hard to say it at University, especially as a man. Female friends would pounce on it.

DD went to a woke school and has been a bit brainwashed. She can't say why someone should be female just because they say so but has swallowed the female brain stuff. She agrees that biology is important but also that TWAW. I despair!

Sadly my YA children are not GC. They have bought into being kind. I think they will work it out eventually.

Yes. But he’s in his 20s and has been raised in a rural, Italian backwater. It’s only in the last six months that some parents who chose schools in larger cities for secondary are starting look quizzically at some of the thing their kids are coming home and saying re gender.

So it’s not like he’s ever been exposed to the question of what is a woman beyond getting irritated at the amount of time I used to spend online arguing about it. He still thinks I could have been less obsessive about the online arguing. But at least can see (via American SM content) the kind of (now clearly not a logical fallacy) slippery slope I was so concerned about when he was a youngster.

Mine are 13 and 11 boy and girl respectively and I think they are GC. They won't say anything to anyone who is trans at school but at home it's clear they don't subscribe to the notion.

None of my children are GC. They're all far more concerned with climate change. Which, to be fair, is a huge burden their generation has been saddled with.

I'm not generally a person who thinks one perspective on complex issues is 'right' all the time. I respect their views.

I'd say that mine is conflicted. She understands a lot of my arguments and agrees with them, but she also thinks that my perspective on the issue is too extreme. She knows a few trans/non-binary young people and wants them to feel supported and happy (as do I). She can't understand the fuss about pronouns and language and thinks that, if it makes people feel better/safer etc, then we should just go along with it because she can't see what harm it does. On the other hand, she agrees that male bodied people shouldn't be allowed to compete in women's sport, she recognises the importance of some spaces being single sex and she doesn't believe that trans women are actually women, though she's happy to call them women if that makes them feel better about themselves.

We have talked about the concept of gender and how this is related to sex stereotypes, and I've asked her what she thinks it means. She says that it means nothing to her personally and that she doesn't feel that she has a gender identity as such, hence she finds it hard to relate to people who have a strong sense of gender that isn't aligned to their biological sex. However, she is willing to accept that they might feel something that she doesn't.

Essentially, I think she knows deep down that male bodied individuals cannot be women (she is studying biology A-level ffs!) but she is willing to suspend her disbelief in a wish to be inclusive and make others feel supportive. Unlike me, perhaps, she doesn't really see it as a slippery slope that has the potential to really harm biological women, but I suspect that this view may change as she gets older.

We have had lots of interesting and thought provoking discussions on the matter. Sometimes, she will put forward arguments that really make me think and question myself. It's a complex issue.

no. I talk to them about it generally, and also spoken about my experience of being a female Samaritan volunteer and that there are some very strange men out there who you would not want near your children in any circumstances!

My DS initially accepted that a trans boy in his class was a boy until recently he told me that the person was a girl with issues. I think generally the boys don’t see the pupil as a boy and the girls do.

Mine are only primary age and the older one has SEN. When the older one was in mainstream, there was a DC in their KS who "came out" as trans, at an age when they all still believed in Father Christmas (excuse me while my eyes roll to the back of my head).
My DD is still in the same school still and goes to out of hours club with this child. She knows what sex the child is, and knows the other children don't and knows it's because of the child's haircut (all the children wear trousers due to the uniform) and thinks they are silly, but only after I've explained this.
DC1 kind of gets it but I'm going to keep on at him. I am making sure to keep on at both of them so at least they can't say they didn't know!

I have one DS who is 7, and wholeheartedly believe by the time he reaches secondary the tide will have turned.

Yes they are. The eldest ds25 is a health care professional and when he was at uni his peers mainly thought gender ideology was nonsense.

The middle dd22 is studying a health care profession and while she encounters a lot of gender ideology it is mainly in the humanities. Her lecturers have occasionally mentioned gender vs sex but only to point out that they are referring to sex and not "that arty farty gender nonsense", as one lecturer described it.

The youngest ds20 is studying engineering and again, he has encountered gender ideology but mainly amongst those in the humanities.

All 3 are gc. However, dd is the one most likely to speak out. The boys are more likely to just ignore it.

her friends were talking about how nice it would be to have an all-girls nightclub so they could dance without getting unwelcome male attention. She pointed out that with self ID, any man could enter their imaginary nightclub.

this has already happened! I can’t find the link unfortunately. Lick Nightclub, an actual nightclub for women, posted a complaint on Twitter about how women were bringing their boyfriends along and claiming they were trans.

Very far from it! Invites some lively discussions in our home, particularly teen DSC.

DD1 (18) is starting to come out the other side. She has ASD and has been using she/they pronouns for a while. She's just split with her BF because she found out he was shagging a transman. EXBF doesn't remotely consider himself gay. She is very much live and let live but does understand that Single Sex spaces are important.

DD2 (16) is so laid back she's horizontal. Doesn't have a concern re pronouns, doesn't want to share her spaces with Males.

DS is 12. He's largely oblivious but likes girls. Definitely wouldn't use a changing space with a female in it.

All the teens in my family and their friends are gender critical. They don't know people who aren't.

Yes, after dealing with the pronoun changing, then changing them back again, then being non binary, then screaming blue murder because someone who couldn’t keep up accidentally misgendered them, drama llamas at college, my child sees it all for what it is.

My two are only primary age, but they are already over it, they don't know the term GC but just think it's so so boring, they would have no interest in discussing gender at all, even in a GC way. We live in a "progressive" area, they have had trans children in their classes for years and now, at nearly 12, my DD has a few peers switching pronouns pretty much weekly. It has always been the attention seeking, hard work kids (or parents), so there is no illusion about "the most vulnerable, poor babies, bend over backwards for them."

The only time I heard it mentioned was when my DD was talking about hobbies and said "Kate" likes hockey, "Louise" likes horse riding and "Anna" likes gendering herself. Anna changes her name and pronouns and sexuality a couple of times a month, with a big announcement each time.

I use to worry so much about the sexist nonsense it brought with it, but I'm now thinking that early exposure has made them immune to the glamour it has for other kids at high school age.

None of mine are GC, but then I’m not GC either.
It also is not a big issue to us at all. We have far more important things to be worrying about than peoples’ identities.

I see if differently, GC views now include standing up for free speech as well as women's right's

Key requirements for a democracy.

My eldest is 12 and at secondary and thinks it’s ‘dangerous nonsense’ and my friends adult children (at university) think it’s madness. Although for themselves they are more concerned with the way race has been redefined. Apparently you are only an ethnic minority if you are black or brown.