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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Report a 12/13yr old for verbal abuse?

26 replies

Hiya Wishy · 14/05/2022 23:51

I did post a version of this in another thread but only received one reply. I am keen to gain further perspective as to whether I am overreacting?

There was a cricket match yesterday at DCs school. DD(12, yr 7) was playing whilst DS(13, yr 9) & I watched. Towards the end a yr 8 pupil from DCs school came over to say to us that DD had been upset because a yr 8 pupil from the opposing school (coincidentally an ex pupil from DCs school) had called her a "transgender bitch" and also a "nob."

DD isn't transgender but chooses to wear her hair cropped to her scalp. (She actually rocks it whereas I would look like I was seriously unwell.) She didn't tell me anything about the incident until I pressed her for more info later this evening. However, DD has poor mental health and still actively engages in self harm. She's so deceptive and secretive that she wouldn't open up readily if she was bothered by this boy's comments. I know for a fact she won't be bothered by the word "nob" though.

I was thinking I should email the opposing school and inform them of the incident as regardless of the possible effect on DD, this pupil isn't representing his school in a positive light. However, is shouting "transgender bitch" just a 2022 version of us shouting "your Mum" back in the 90s? I'm guessing not. Yet am I being completely overprotective here and will school staff just roll their eyes and think I clearly need something else to do on a weekend?
However, there is a yr 9 pupil at school who is a good friend of DS and identifies with a gender different to that of which they were born. I was wondering that if this incident had happened to them, would they feel very uncomfortable?

OP posts:
ClumpingBambooIsALie · 15/05/2022 00:21

I would report the transphobic abuse, yes.

Rightsraptor · 15/05/2022 00:38

Yes report it. 'Transgender bitch' in no way equates to 'your mum ...'

Pointlessuser · 15/05/2022 00:53

Absolutely report it

KimikosNightmare · 15/05/2022 02:31

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 15/05/2022 00:21

I would report the transphobic abuse, yes.

Why are you focusing on this being transphobic abuse? As opposed to generic abuse?

KimikosNightmare · 15/05/2022 02:33

Yes I would absolutely report it. It's abusive and bullying.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2022 02:35

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 15/05/2022 00:21

I would report the transphobic abuse, yes.

Yes, entirely ignore the misogyny and focus on the trans part. 'Bitch' is A-OK.

DaisyQuakeJohnson · 15/05/2022 03:13

If your DD confirmed that it happened (because you say it was another DC that told you about it) then yy report it. All of it. None of those words were appropriate.

ExMachinaDeus · 15/05/2022 04:05

It's sexist abuse: sexual harassment actually.

Whitedamask · 15/05/2022 04:17

Report to whom?

dapsnotplimsolls · 15/05/2022 05:13

Inform your DCs'' school.

Original poster
Hiya Wishy · 15/05/2022 06:28

DaisyQuakeJohnson · 15/05/2022 03:13

If your DD confirmed that it happened (because you say it was another DC that told you about it) then yy report it. All of it. None of those words were appropriate.

Yes, she did confirm it happened when I pressed her for information. She described the pupil in question who's mother coincidentally had parked behind me, hence me recognising them to be an ex pupil of DC's school.
This child's mother has her name on her number plate and an open Facebook profile so DD was able to identify the boy in question by photo (of his mother's wedding to a local estate agent).
I wasn't going to admit to either school's about the Facebook stalking though! 😳

OP posts:
Original poster
Hiya Wishy · 15/05/2022 06:32

Whitedamask · 15/05/2022 04:17

Report to whom?

I was considering emailing the opposing school, DC's school and also DD's pupil welfare officer as DD is still actively self harming so although she claims to be unbothered by the incident, there may well be repercussions. Her arms yesterday in a vest top were not a pretty sight! 😞

OP posts:
Original poster
Hiya Wishy · 15/05/2022 06:36

I've tried to quote replies but it hasn't worked! I'm using the Talk app, wonder if that's why?

Thanks to all who have responded and reassured!

OP posts:
drspouse · 15/05/2022 06:38

Discrimination against someone with a protected characteristic can happen when the abuser thinks the person has the PC (e.g. calling someone a "P word" when they are white).
Definitely report.

334bu · 15/05/2022 06:41

Sexist abuse is not acceptable. It is exactly this type of gendered rubbish that is causing so much harm to girls who do not conform to what our " pink" society insists girls should be. However, if this was a school event I would expect the school to take it up with the opposing school team. Contact the HT.

SolasAnla · 15/05/2022 07:21

So it was a joint school sports event that your daughter was playing in.

She was subjected to verbal abuse by a visiting member of the other school.

"Bitch" PC sex
"Transgender" PC sex & Gender
"Knob" PC sex

Has your DD's school a policy of the school on verbal abuse?

Do you know why there is this qpolicy on verbal abuse?

If your child had been the speaker, do you think the school should be informed so that the school has the oppertunity to deal with the verbal abuse?

If your answers to the above questions are yes its a very simple decision.

tabbycatstripy · 15/05/2022 08:23

Of course. Report all the abusive comments. Young people should not be allowed to bully each other at school events.

KimikosNightmare · 15/05/2022 09:54

drspouse · 15/05/2022 06:38

Discrimination against someone with a protected characteristic can happen when the abuser thinks the person has the PC (e.g. calling someone a "P word" when they are white).
Definitely report.

Your missing the point. Sex, in this context isn't a protected characteristic but calling another child a bitch is abusive, sexist bullying regardless of whether there is a protected characteristic.

KimikosNightmare · 15/05/2022 10:32

You're missing etc etc

drspouse · 15/05/2022 10:57

No, my point was that using "transgender" as a term of abuse is still under the legal definition of hate even if the girl is NOT trans.

tabbycatstripy · 15/05/2022 11:12

Protected characteristics aren’t the only issue when someone is a bully, so it really doesn’t matter what they said: bullying needs to be reported.

334bu · 15/05/2022 11:22

Strictly speaking although the word "transgender" was used the insult was a sexist/ misogynistic one as it implied that if you have short hair you can't be a proper girl, so not covered by hate crime legislation.

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 15/05/2022 14:29

KimikosNightmare · 15/05/2022 02:31

Why are you focusing on this being transphobic abuse? As opposed to generic abuse?

Show quote history

Because it's the part that people fish around hoping for evidence FWR don't take it seriously.

viques · 15/05/2022 18:02

I would also inform the teacher/department at your DC school who is responsible for arranging inter school matches . They will know their opposite number at the other school and I would hope raise it with them it in terms of arranging or even possibly deferring return matches . Are the teams part of a local or National league? If so what is their policy on this sort of bullying/sexist/abusive behaviour.

Racist behaviour has been unacceptable in sport, eg football , at all levels for a long time ( though I am aware it still exists) , if it had been taken more seriously when the issue of football racism was raised in the 90s then maybe it wouldn’t still be so prevalent today.

MagnoliaTaint · 15/05/2022 19:33

Hope your daughter is okay, OP. That's unacceptable.

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