Good morning Sarah,
As I'm currently awake, thanks to furry creatures bringing smaller live furry creatures in through the cat flap I thought I'd get this down now so you've got something to read with your cuppa and toast.
This year it's a milestone birthday for me, one I never imagined I would reach.
I am only here now because I had access to therapy and support from my local SARC. With them I finally had the space and the safety that enabled me to voice all my internal thoughts and issues and worries out loud without fear.
It was those sessions where I first began to really make sense of and come to terms with the sexual abuse, the grooming, the secrets, the rapes. I had spent years denying that it had had any effect on me. Yet through the SARC I had a safe single sex space to say out loud all the secrets I'd kept locked away in my head for decades. It gave me the ability to start to piece all those bits of stuff trapped in my head into coherent linear thoughts. It helped me realise that things I'd blamed myself for were not my burdens to carry.
They contacted my doctor when I couldn't bring myself to. They helped me navigate telling my siblings. They helped me realise the shame and the guilt and the blame I had for years put on myself was not my shame, that I had no reason to feel guilty, and I was most certainly definitely not to blame. They helped me see that things that to me were seemingly not connected had in fact been very much connected to the sexual abuse.
They were amazing, they actually supported me for the whole of the two years it took my case to get to trial.
Could I have done all that knowing that potentially every session I might be walking into the situation you found yourself in?
Nope! Not a bloody chance!
As I said in a previous comment what they expect you to go through is like being sexually abused all over again. "sit down, shut up, behave like I told to and let that scary man over there do what he likes and don't you dare complain about it later". How can Survivors Network, the Sussex Rape Crisis Service, not see that they have turned into an abusers facilitator?
Thanks to my ability to access therapy I am at a point in my life where the best birthday present I can think of is to ensure that other women, and yes I do mean JUST women, can access a single sex space in a rape crisis centre and it truly mean single sex. That this should even be up for discussion, never mind being fought over legally is an absolute disgrace.
And finally one little titbit that will put a smile on your face...
This donation , the donation that got you that last little step to the £75000 pledge point was actually paid for in part by the Trans Rights Activists.
To the TRA brigade that like to whinge on about how we are all wasting our money, and how if it was you you'd spend it on better more important things, you'll be delighted to know you've just donated to Sarah's fundraiser, Yay! Go you TRAs!
It's your money I've just donated as it's part of my criminal injury compensation from when my rapist was found guilty. So thank you TRAs for paying your taxes that paid my compensation that is now paying Sarah's legal fees. Your participation in this fundraiser is much appreciated.
What's that TRAs You don't believe me...
"The Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority (CICA) was set up to provide compensation to blameless victims of crime. Funded by the Ministry of Justice USING TAXPAYERS' MONEY the CICA can award settlements from £1,000 up to a maximum of £500,000" .
So Sarah, enjoy today, be proud of what you've achieved. Know that in the dark and difficult moments when you feel like it's all too much and you're wondering why the fuck did you decide to do this that you have thousands of pissed off women willing you on.
You are not alone in your fight. We are right there standing by your side.
Boiled x