To wonder how serious things need to get before DV is taken seriously.

[redhoodred1]

Any successfully reported DV to the police? What evidence did you use?
I’ve been advised that medical notes from reporting to medical professionals, helpline notes (womansaid), DV support worker letters etc count for nothing even if they’re made over a period of years.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
I feel like I’m losing my mind all over again since I was always told everything was my fault or was ‘all in my head,’ it’s like the abuse all over again.

Also, anyone else agree that if you’re ‘too intelligent or articulate’ you don’t profile like a victim and are less likely to be believed?

I honestly don't think it ever will. 😥I was speaking to someone the other day, she was telling me that she was never believed because he is small and thin so couldn't possibly have hurt her.

I hope you have some good support around you at this time. 💐

I’m not in the Uk but the system is similar enough here. The police took DV against my MIL extremely seriously. They were completely fantastic. The courts were completely rubbish. Rubbish. Be your own advocate. Seriously fidget trying to convince others work through this stuff yourself and then find a way out with the support of womens organisations who completely get it.

Sorry that should say forget not fidget

It’s just so draining. I read today that something like 9% of cases get prosecuted from the ones that end up in court in the first place. Insane honestly!!
it just makes you feel that there is absolutely no point, unless he murders you, then everyone wants to say ‘oops.’

All that came from speaking to the police, is a social services referral!! NOTHING else

You're right. It isn't taken remotely seriously enough. I'm sorry you're not getting the help you need.

Thank you guys 😔😭

I'm sorry, OP. No advice re the police, I'd just say to document everything as much as you can anyway. Have you talked to women's aid about this?

I'm frequently shocked to hear people say the most crashingly stupid things about dv. If you've not been through a coercive, controlling relationship (physical abuse may in some ways be easier to navigate to be perfectly honest, because it is more clear cut) then I suppose you may not be able to understand how it happens and what it involves.

Thank fuck you're out of it, OP, is the one thing I would say.

This article, from another thread, shows some of the problems with courts. (content warning, dv)

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/domestic-abuse-allegations-family-courts-b2061600.html

I may not have worded that previous post very well, sorry. By the physical abuse being 'easier' to navigate, I just meant that it can be clearer that it is abuse, speaking from personal experience. Gaslighting and controlling behaviour can very easily make one feel as you say, OP, as if it's 'all in your head'.

I totally agree with these above comments.

Also, there is a culture of victim blaming as far as DV is concerned. Like ‘why did SHE stay?’ ‘Why did SHE let him do that?’ ‘Why didn’t SHE safeguard the kids?’ As opposed to the focus being on the abuser.

does anyone have any advice regarding what counts as evidence? I mean asides from the obvious stuff like pictures of injuries. These seem to be the only thing that the police accept, and even then there is far from a guarantee that the case will get very far.

The officer I spoke to essentially said move on because you’re just making things worse for yourself.’ He was really trying his best to dissuade me from giving my statement.

I just feel so down about it all. It’s like, the abuse never happened because they don’t believe me so there will be no justice. He has done this to an ex, almost strangled her to death, done it to me, who next? 😭