I think we should use the word 'personality' more

[ThisIsJeopardy]

As the whole sex / gender discussion has had so much more public discussion lately, not least because of male athletes in women's sport, and because of JKR, I've found myself having conversations in real life which I've been wanting but have felt unable to have for years now. And in doing so, I've had to articulate my position on what I find objectionable about genderism, why I won't describe myself as 'cis' etc.

I just want to share the explanation that I have found to be most effective in helping people who are new to this discussion to grasp why it's so problematic to feminists.

I think we've adopted too much of the ideology's language, and we talk in terms of the difference between sex and 'gender identitiy'. People assume that gender identity means something true and proven and profound. I find it more helpful to talk in terms of bodies and personalities:

So, I have a body, and I have a personality (all my thoughts and feelings, likes and dislikes, sense of humour and intelligence and aptitudes and weaknesses and attractions and aversions).

My body is female. My personality isn't male or female... It's just a human personality and it's unique to me. Sure, it's been shaped by my experiences and some of those experiences have been related to having a female body. But my personality itself isn't female, because 'female' isn't a type of personality. It's a reproductive sex class; a type of body. When people talk about 'gender identity', they're talking about having a male personality or a female personality, and whether the sex of their personality matches the sex of their body. And if they describe me as 'cis', they're saying I have a female personality to match my female body. I reject that description of myself.

I think back to all of the work and the struggles of feminists before me and I can't accept that we're sliding back into an acceptance that our personalities are either male or female, and we're supposed call that progress. That's the same assumption that was used to justify women not having positions of leadership or even the vote, and men not having caring responsibilities or being allowed to show emotion other than anger. Or that gay men and lesbians weren't 'proper' men and women respectively. It's so sexist and undermining of so much progress to assert that there are male personalities or personality traits and female ones. Calling it 'gender identity' instead of 'personality' doesn't change how regressive and sexist that is.

People who consider themselves non binary are saying that their personalities are neither male nor female, and that that's a condition specific to 'NB' people. But that just puts all the rest of us more firmly in the 'male personality' and 'female personality' boxes that feminist has been trying for hundreds of years to free us all from.

I fully accept and empathise with the fact that other people have different beliefs about their own bodies and personalities and they can describe themselves how they like. But the movement to enshrine in law and in education and in society, this idea that our personalities are male or female, is not something I can support or participate in.

This is the kind of framing that has helped the penny drop for a few people in my life. I would love to know what has worked for others.

I agree that the way a person expresses their sense of 'gender identity' is an aspect of their personality. In a way no different to a person's sense of entitlement, social justice, musicality, religion, national identity etc.

What about describing this aspect of their personality as feminine or masculine?

❤️

Yes, I've always thought the word personality could replace gender, in pretty much all instances.

I’m saving this. I find it hard to fully articulate myself properly sometimes and I feel this is perfect. Thank you

Brilliant - that says it all. Personality not gender!

I quite often say "We're all non-binary, it's called having a personality" generally accompanied by eye-rolling....

I like this, thanks OP

You're right. Personality has been used before - it's a sign of being a member of the terven apparently. Literal violence and all that because you dare to diverge from the language chosen by Those Who Get to Choose. As their experiences can only be understood by them, any reframing shows you apparently have no idea and are full of hate.

Luckily I don't live in a world where my thoughts are policed though.

Hilarious. So I am a terven because I have an interesting personality!

But I can also build furniture and bake cakes which means that I am.....non-binary?

So a non-binary terven.

I prefer 'terven' to 'TERF'. I identify as a terven. You TERFs have no idea how this feels and so you cannot challenge my new identity, because that makes you a tervenphobe and also anti-terven, you horrible bigot.

But why would a personality need to be masculine or feminine? I mean sure perhaps somebody could have a very masculine or very feminine personality but the average person in the street probably doesn't. Their personality might be more primarily creative, or sporty, or bookish, or caring. Most people have a mixture of aspects to their personality. Masculinity and femininity don't really need to come into it. Although most people will be influenced by their sex in terms of what life experiences they have had, how they were socialised/encouraged as children etc. But that doesn't make you masculine or feminine. It's just part of growing up male or female in a world with gendered stereotypes.

A personality doesn't have to be feminine or masculine, just like it doesn't have to be entitled or musical. But those who feel that femininity or masculinity are relevant to their sense of self could self-describe as having a feminine personality etc.

Bumping because this is it's such a great way to explain it. Op can you send it to Glinner or Sex Matters or someone to post on their blog? It needs a wide auidence

I imagine you're desperate for my approval...no? Well, have it anyway. All these smaller and smaller boxes people want to put themselves, and worse, others into. Far too little for all the labels that have to be stuck on them.

This is just so good and makes perfect sense. Thank you.

Beautifully put. Thank you.

Good post, OP!

I love this, I have tried to articulate exactly this too but not nearly so well. I'm going to crib up on your response. ♥️

I like this! Thanks OP.

we're sliding back into an acceptance that our personalities are either male or female,

But we aren’t. If you want to substitute gender identity with personality, fine, I’ll play along even though I disagree because gender identity is an innate state of being most similar to sexuality and not merely a personality type.

But anyway, your statement is incorrect. Gender identities (what you call personalities) are not either male or female. They can be male, female, both, or neither and this can be fixed or fluid.

the movement to enshrine in law and in education and in society, this idea that our personalities are male or female, is not something I can support or participate in.

There is no such movement in existence. See above.

Thanks for this OP, I’ve saved it to use. I did try to say this to an enraptured friend, but I used the term feminine/masculine energy. My argument being I have a mix of both that fluctuates daily, so how can that be used to define a person.
The only conclusion that she was able to come up with was that I must be non-binary!!
So saving this to hopefully help me talk about it more plainly.

How can gender identity be an innate state of being when there has never been any consensus, either diachronically or synchronically, as to what it even means?

Thanks for engaging, Discovereads

Fair enough to say I left out the 'both or neither' options in that sentence (though I included my thoughts on 'nonbinary' elsewhere). But I feel like that's

So accepting your premise that personalities (or gender identities if you prefer) can be male, female, both or neither, maybe you can help me understand, according to your perspective, what makes a personality or gender identity 'female', for example? What does 'male' mean when talking about a gender identity?

You say it's similar to sexuality, but the terms we use to describe different sexualities can be defined. So to be homosexual doesn't just mean ' to feel inside that you are homosexual', it means 'sexually attracted to people of one's own sex'.

What does it mean to have a female gender identity / a female personality, if not the sliding back into stereotype and limitation that I described?

but I feel like that's. I meant to say that's not really the point I was making, but must have deleted the rest of the sentence before posting.

What can you possibly mean? Gender identity is defined in all the standard dictionaries. There are hundreds of scientific papers exploring and reasearching gender identity.