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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

My 3 year old and nail varnish etc

23 replies

SecondhandTable · 07/04/2022 17:31

Bit random and sort of a WWYD. Caught my 3 yr old DD (4 in the summer) having tried to put a load of my nail varnishes on herself. I haven't worn any nail varnish in about 6 months, since I had DS. Before then I painted my nails regularly, all manner of colours. DD would occasionally comment if she liked the colour but that was it. She's mentioned makeup and nail varnish etc a few times recently, this is definitely the influence of a few of her friends. She is asking me to paint her nails. I'm not really opposed to it per se, but equally it feels like painting the nails of a baby, she's only 3! I pointed out that I didn't have painted nails and she said "well you should, so you look beautiful!". I said I look beautiful anyway and I don't need to paint my nails to look beautiful. To which she told me that I don't look beautiful, and I do need to paint my nails to look beautiful...

So, wise MNers, how to navigate all this?? I wasn't expecting to have to face this type of thing at only 3!

OP posts:

Forgotthebins · 08/04/2022 08:07

I let my kids put fun colours on but nothing that looks too Lolita esque.

FemaleAndLearning · 08/04/2022 08:08

It's just dress up at this age.

tintodeverano2 · 08/04/2022 08:08

I let my dd have colours on her toes, but only kids peel-off on her fingers.

miltonj · 08/04/2022 08:09

It's just fun. I don't see the problem. What is it about it that unsettles your?

valleyofadventure · 08/04/2022 08:16

I would feel uneasy about actual make up, even if just dressing up; it looks grotesque on little kids. My boys wanted nail varnish a couple of times when they were little; I put on different colours (inc shades of blue, glitter, neon pink) on each finger/ or toe. They soon got bored of it though.

Wanderingowl · 08/04/2022 08:18

I bought my DS a set of kids peel off nail varnish when he was 3. He liked having coloured nails because he was a little kid and kids like bright colours. It's not a sexualized, gendered, unrealistic beauty standards thing for kids at that age. It's a having fun colours on the ends of their fingers thing.

WarriorN · 08/04/2022 08:22

No problem with this as just dress up. Both my boys wore nail varnish at this age, often different volutes on each nail. Blue yellow and green iirc.

Kendodd · 08/04/2022 08:30

I never wear nail varnish or make-up but used to sometimes paint all my kids nails for them when they were toddlers and pre schoolers, boys and girls. They loved it. I think really little kids look cute when they've been at the makeup, ONLY if its really obvious they've done it themselves, ie it's a complete mess all over their face. It's a bit like the toddler ice cream face.

shazzer1978 · 08/04/2022 08:32

Probably more boys than girls come in with a bit of brightly coloured nail polish sometimes at our nursery. It’s fun for them. It does look “beautiful”.

Deliriumoftheendless · 08/04/2022 08:33

We tried nail varnish when my daughter was 3- she didn’t like it enough to sit still long enough to have it done and she’s never been interested again.

We’ve done make up for years, which I enjoy because she makes herself look like a cross between David Bowie and an explosion in a paint factory. I’ve made it clear make up is dress up and fun and like art on your face rather than perfect brows, shadow and red lips (she had a friend who had a full grown up look applied regularly and it does look unsettling).

Funnily enough she likes iPad games where you do make overs, but she doesn’t seem interested for herself (admittedly getting her hair brushed often feels like a victory) and she takes the piss out of me for wearing false eyelashes.

There’s a big difference between using make up to style your child like a little adult and giving them a bag of sparkly stuff and gritting your teeth while it goes everywhere.

AnnaSW1 · 08/04/2022 08:39

I let them have the kid friendly/safe ones.

Original poster

SecondhandTable · 08/04/2022 12:33

Thanks everyone, appreciate your perspectives. My DH is particularly against the idea, more so than me. DD hasn't actually mentioned it today so will see if her interest wanes. She really really didn't like the experience of removing the nail varnish last night so think that may have put her off anyway! If not, I will look at getting some children's nail varnish, I can see some brands online does anyone have any recommendations? She is asthmatic so inhaling all the chemicals from nail varnish and remover is also an issue, the remover yesterday seemed to exacerbate her asthma.

OP posts:

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/04/2022 12:50

@SecondhandTable

That makes sense. Some people see nail varnish as being incredibly sexual - to the extent of interpreting any colour other than the palest pink (or varnish at all) as being akin to a woman advertising she is a prostitute uncomfortable memories of an abusive ex

The water based ones are best.

LK1972 · 08/04/2022 12:51

I didn't have any issues with letting DDs and DS play with makeup, nail varnish etc. I'd be concerned with 'you need nail varnish to look beautiful' idea. I had similar from DDs and was keen to explain that 'looking beautiful' is not my priority in life, and makeup is fun for special occasions, not something women have to wear. Your DD is probably not going to want nail varnish again for a while though, as remover is so stinky!

nearlyspringyay · 08/04/2022 13:57

It's just fun. Mine were obsessed for a while with make up and nail varnish, soon passed.

SunniDelite · 08/04/2022 18:05

My DDs did this in the eighties, asked for make-up for Christmas (there was a particular brand then, specially for kids, can't remember the name).I have photos of them plastered in makeup and blusher. The fad just lasted over Christmas then forgotten. It was just a bit of fun, nothing to worry about.

IncompleteSenten · 08/04/2022 18:07

It's just dress up. My sons went through a phase of wanting to play with my make up and nail varnish. They had all manner of costumes too. Police, fire, animals.. My youngest wore a party dress for a year 🙄. They grow out of it.

Cyw2018 · 08/04/2022 18:09

My 4yo DD is desperate to paint her nails. I've said we can do it in the school holidays and toe nails only.

She also loves mermaids and princesses and unicorns. But on the weekend she likes to go mountain biking or to the climbing wall. So I'm really not worried. She's just trying things out, like a 4yo should.

AnnaSW1 · 08/04/2022 20:14

We use the Disney ones. It just peels off. No need for remover. I wouldn't want to use that on delicate hands

georgarina · 08/04/2022 20:59

My ds3 asks for nail polish when I do mine. I use child-friendly water based colours. It's just fun.

JoodyBlue · 08/04/2022 21:18

Its just dress up. If you deny things then they take on an enhanced perspective. My advice is chill. Everything is a phase, but you can make it into something else by overreacting.

Kitkat151 · 08/04/2022 21:30

It’s just dress up fun.. all 3 of my GDs go through phases of wanting nail varnish on their fingers and toes...,then it’s forgotten for weeks...they like painting Daddies nails too ....and they love going to the salon with their mum and watching her have her nails done

DomesticatedZombie · 08/04/2022 22:12

My only concern would be the chemicals - my DD chews her nails a lot.

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