Kids accusing their parents of being homophobic or terfs

[LittleWhingingWoman]

DD says that several of her friends are doing this on social media.

I've also heard it in person from two girls in two different classes who have made comments in front of me about how either their parents or their friends parents are horrible homophobic transphobic people. When questioned they double down and say things like "well my friend came out to her parents and they weren't supportive of her going to Pride" (this was from a 13 year old!)

Another girls mum who is an old friend of mine said to me that her dd does it all the time about other kids parents and that she suspects this child is also saying it about them.
The child is - the child has been at our house saying it and when I said "you realise that your mum has loads of gay friends don't you?" The child basically looked a bit blank and went red and mumbled into her Doritos.

Apparently next day in class she was at it again. In front of teachers!

DD says one of the latest things on TikTok is to complain about parents being phobic - massive oppression points for middle class kids!

Derf- thanks for that link to Abigail Shrier speech, it is so good

.

Thank you DERFDogmaExlusionary
Some of the questions and comments under that piece are heartbreaking.

There’s a lot of good advice. My 13 yo dd is GC but she does get fed up with me saying things about injustices. Talking about girls in lesser developed countries is an excellent idea.

@nightwakingmoon

Part if being a teen is seperating from your parents and holding them in contempt dor a few years.

That’s true in some respects, but even as part of that, it isn’t normal to go about decrying your parents as bigots around the place, surely!

Yeah, I think this is important. Sure, lots of kids (though not all) have some conflict with parents. A few have a lot. But in most cases it can, and really is best, when it happens against a background of respect for their parents, and recognition of them as loving people.

That's being deliberately undermined by people who should know better.

@DontLikeCrumpets

Parents need to stand firm and not cave in to the idea that their role is to approve of anything a child says or does.

In the before time, that is before internet, I had a brutal prof whose advice to students was "beware of people who pat you on your head". Approval was not on his agenda.It was the best advice ever. He never patted students on the head, in fact his classes were brutal, if one said something he thought was foolish and lacked forethought, he would lay into them. I know because I experienced it. His sarcastic dismissiveness was humiliating and devastating but I learned to focus my thoughts in a way I had never done and since then can hold my ground in a contentious discussion - disapproval and/or rejection is water off a ducks back.

Paradoxically I am much more open. My not looking for approval means that I'm not on the defensive and have the necessary mental clarity to process new information so if someone presents a perspective I hadn't considered or new facts my opinions can on a dime .

I also had university professors like this and they were really crucial in terms of being able to form much more robust arguments and developing some armour for the ego.