Sexy but Psycho: How the Patriarchy Uses Women's Trauma Against Them

[georgarina]

Has anyone read this?

I've been reading it, and it's really shocking - but helped me understand what happened to me.

The book is about how female trauma victims are pathologised and deemed unreliable/manipulative/hypersexual/hysterical/unstable - as opposed to blaming the perpetrators of abuse.

From personal experience, I lived through abuse from my mother and stepfather from 7-15, and also from a previous boyfriend at the age of 4.

I then went to live with my father's side of the family who treated me as if I were inherently unstable, untrustworthy, and unreliable due to the trauma I had undergone. They accused me of having borderline personality disorder despite no acting out (didn't even drink alcohol until 18) and A* grades. I was told my father was unable to maintain a new relationship because I was jealous and wouldn't let him be with any other woman, and that they were surprised I wasn't "pregnant or on drugs". When I got ill with glandular fever I was accused of having a "nervous breakdown." I really believed I was crazy/flawed/inferior for much of my life, despite graduating from an Ivy League university with honours, getting my dream job, and not once "acting out".

If anyone else has read it, would love to discuss, and if they haven't, would recommend.

I've not heard of it, who's the author?

I always feel awkward giving sympathy to a stranger, it can come across as insincere, but that said...I hope you're having a happy life now or are at least making your way there.

No I haven’t read it. But totally relate to the label as I was given it minus the sexy bit. Sounds interesting.

I was also not believed a decade ago when I became chronically ill and disabled. I have to date not recovered. Before I stopped seeing my sibling, he threatened to punch me and deck me because I was apparently acting out rather than actually ill. Like who would pretend they were so exhausted they would collapse in an uncomfortable position on the floor unable to move? I have also chronic pain so if I were being performative, I’d swoon onto the sofa or bed in a comfortable position.

I also believed I was crazy / flawed / inferior. When you learn these things from a baby, it sticks.

@IcakethereforeIam It's by Jessica Taylor.

And thanks :) turned into a bit of a personal rant unintentionally!

But it just put into words so many things I felt about my experience. That when you go through a certain type of abuse, you're shamed and cast as "that type" of girl/woman - 'daddy issues', 'crazy', 'borderline' etc.

@Mummyoflittledragon I'm so sorry you went through that. I completely relate. Ultimately I'm just angry that I learned to accept that I couldn't trust myself and that I wasn't worth taking seriously. When I was growing up actually completely forgot about the abuse and just thought I was "crazy like my mum". My dad even kept in contact with my abusive stepfather.

I hope you're doing ok now and have some support. It's inexcusable when family turn on you like that x

Thanks. You too. You should not have had to suffer. .

It sounds as if yours was perhaps sexual. Mine wasn’t exactly. Well there was what is deemed red traffic light behaviour from my brother. But it was to denigrate and demean me to a non-person and sexually degrading me into something so totally undesirable was used and his prowess paraded and wangled in my face. The most demeaning names. Psycho was actually a ‘better’ one. No touching as I, the thing was a thing. So sexualised perhaps.

Lots of therapy and im ok. It hurts. But it’s no longer crazy making.

I've got it but haven't started reading it yet, hoping to find time this weekend. I have a feeling I'm going to want to talk about it when I do...