File on Four - Reproductive Coercion

[butnobodytoldme]

Latest in the Radio 4 series is 'Controlling my contraception'

My quibble is that they give equivalence to women not wanting to be pregnant, and a women not wanting to stop being pregnant but by a coercive man with whom she has a deeply unhealthy relationship.

It's a matter of "I don't believe I am free to leave this situation, but at least I can have my own living thing to control and it will love me, however nasty my own owner is"

That's asking a cruelly treated battery hen who never saw daylight if she wants to hatch one of her eggs, to give her company in the cage. She doesn't realise she is just giving her cruel owner yet another hen to bully, and that by trying to raise a chick before she has escaped that man, she is hampering not only her own hope of ever leaving, undetected, dragging a chick, but also ensuring her chick has a horrible life.

If a woman at a termination clinic doesn't want to end a pregnancy, or if she does, my only question would be "How can we ensure you don't get pregnant again, unless you are in an established secure healthy loving relationship with a respectful partner, who longs to raise a child with you, and has planned and prepared for it's future ?"

One woman interviewed says she " would have kept that baby", (but her bullying MIL and abusive husband didn't want it). But she adds "I only ever wanted to have my own job" Then the interviewer adds that the woman has now left the man, got a job, and is enjoying freedom.

(In that case, for the first time in her life, as she had been passed from ownership of parents to ownership of a total stranger and his parents. Encouraging her to keep the pregnancy would have wrecked hope of her escape from slavery and would have introduced a child into it )

I didn’t hear this programme although I do like File on 4. For what it’s worth, my husband was listening while out doing errands and when he came back in he seemed really shocked and rattled by it and said that the concept of reproductive control had never even entered his thoughts. He had never previously conceived of it and was visibly upset at the accounts being shared in the programme. He said that he focuses on providing for our daughters and making sure they have a good start in life but after listening to this programme he was now determined to make sure that they are equipped as much as possible to be independent and not have to solely rely on anyone (boyfriend/partner/husband).
So thanks File on 4 for bringing this subject into the light.
It was a useful way to remind my husband that unless they are really, really paying attention, most men can never conceive of all the ways women are manipulated, suppressed and controlled in what seems, on the surface (for the lucky ones) like an ‘equal’ society.

Thanks. @Skyvemind. Your husband's horror shows how wisely you chose a fellow parent!
It's on Sounds, of course, to listen again.That and My name is Sam have been revelatory this week.
I wonder if he would comprehend my problem with the midwife and interviewer's logic gap.

To me a woman's stated preference, concerning her own body, is a screaming alarm signal, IF it has to be made in defiance of what her partner wants to enforce.

The fact he is attempting to coerce is itself proof the woman is in a disrespectful, unequal, unwise and unhealthy relationship, from which she needs to step away and re-evaluate.

The nature of midwifery may tend to an unconscious bias of sentimental pro-natalism, even for those seconded to abortion services. MN is full of "leave TB" advice. I think LTB is the only advice for a woman saying the man who made her pregnant does not want a baby.
"Go ahead and have a child with him as the father" could never be good advice.

The world is already awash with surplus, unwanted, hated babies and children, and billions who are the badly damaged adults resulting from that start in life. Anyone with a wish to nurture, and to be needed, can find an outlet in tending caringly for humans already here. Have a gerbil, a puppy, try care-work, or fostering, or bring joy to the last stage of life for the many old people who have never known any love. But don't breed a baby to be hated even before birth by one of its parents.

If a woman is pregnant it's entirely her choice to decide whether she chooses to have the baby or not.

Women should not be coerced into ending pregnancies.

This is basic human rights.

I agree we need more support to help women out of abusive situations, but starting by colluding in the abuse is not helpful.