For those of us with very young daughters

[pinkrabbithell]

Sorry in advance if this isn't the most coherent!
I've been following this board for a long time and it's really opened my eyes to everything going on. JKR has become something of a personal hero of mine as it was her words that truly woke me up to the situation.
It's something thing I feel incredibly passionate about but not able to speak about in everyday life. I would without a doubt lose my job if I went public with my real thoughts. I should probably add I got married at 23 to someone 15 years my senior who turned out to be an emotionally abusive trans man, constantly telling me I was fat and ugly if I didn't maintain my low weight / wear make up and heels as I was lucky enough to be born a woman - basically jealousy. So this whole thing is very personal too.
Anyway I'm now happily remarried to a wonderful man (who is as horrified as I) with a 3 year old daughter. I find it terrifying what is happening within schools, and I'd like to start helping her with gentle critical thinking to try and insulate her against what (sadly) seems is inevitably coming.
Any suggestions/ thoughts about how best to go about this?

@SevenWaystoLeave

Actually, she has taught her daughter the truth.
She could have been a lot more honest & therefore a lot less 'kind'.

It is good parenting to teach your child to have strong boundaries & a healthy sense of self.

@Eightiesfan would you like to engage with the arguments that you find so egregious or just fling the tired "bigot" insult around like dung before you flounce?

We just instinctively stayed away from anything overly gendered from the off with both kids, toys/clothes/activities, all of it. Now they’re older, they don’t buy into the gendered nonsense at all although they do wish to be kind and accommodating and we can talk about that. They know about reproduction and the fact that my daughter has periods but my son never will. Definitely start early with developing their open minds, and especially so if you ever have a son. Pink is just a colour, there is literally no logic in the idea that it’s a girl’s colour etc etc etc. It’s not easy because the gender stereotyping all around is so so strong and some of their friends will have been raised with different ideas but it’s worth trying and from our experience, it can be done.

[quote MagpiePi]@LauriePartridge4Eva

I always think about including 'woman' in the description of a man as being the same kind of thing as,

• sea horse - actually a fish
• sea cucumber - actually a mollusc
• star fish - actually a crustacean (or are they molluscs? definitely not a fish though!)
• sweet breads - actually...testicles?? (not sure...but you wouldn't make toast with them!)
• bombay duck - a dried fish

etc etc etc[/quote] Starfish are echinoderms ( transl. Spiny skin)

Buy her My Body IS Me by Rachel Rooney. Get your self the Transgender Trend school pack to prepare yourself for when she starts school and starts getting fed nonsense in PSHE.

www.transgendertrend.com/my-body-is-me/

www.transgendertrend.com/schools-resources/

Also another thing is - just give her a good childhood and establish a strong, open relationship. That decreases the (and let's be honest, it's incredibly remote) possibility that she might think happiness will be found in extreme medical intervention.

Sport, dance or other physical activity. Teach her her that, as a girl, her body is not just there to look good or to please men or any other person. Her body can do amazing things for her own edification. She can challenge herself, she can be brave, she can break her own records. Less of the Disney Princess wafting around in a dress crap, more of the climbing frame, how high she can swing on the swings, how far can she throw a ball, what's the deepest puddle she can jump in....

'Colours are for everyone'
'Toys are for everyone'
'Games are for everyone'

Likes PPs have said, I think it starts with combating the gender stereotyping nonsense. In that, also showing both genders doing a range of things. I'm reminded of a time a few years ago when a friend was over at ours with his son (he was about 5). DH was watching the women's rugby and friend's son said 'Wait! Women playing rugby!'. I immediately think it's time to break out the 'Sports are for everyone' line but he straight away continues, 'I mean, I know women can play rugby it's just... It's just I've never seen it'. He then joins DH to watch the game and later goes home to tell his Mum how exciting it was/how strong the women were/can he watch more. That time always reminds me that what kids see is really important, as well as what we tell them.

[quote LilithOfEden]Buy her My Body IS Me by Rachel Rooney. Get your self the Transgender Trend school pack to prepare yourself for when she starts school and starts getting fed nonsense in PSHE.

www.transgendertrend.com/my-body-is-me/

www.transgendertrend.com/schools-resources/[/quote]
Highly recommend this lovely book. Sweet, simple, and compassionate. Teaches that no child is 'born in the wrong body'.

I teach my kids they can wear anything they like, that stereotypes do not define them. And also basic, age appropriate biological facts. Body acceptance. Acceptance of LGB families etc.

My older child is at secondary, and from what I can gather it seems gender ideology is already generally seen as passe and a bit ridiculous.

It's worth pointing out in due course as well that the trans ideology is actually a regressive, not progressive moment. It promotes gender stereotypes. I am probably older than most on this board - a child of the 40s and 50s. It is actually promoting an inhibiting idea of 'femininity' that we females tried and finally succeeded in throwing off through our childhood and teens.

I am now watching the world march swiftly backwards with the support so many organisations, companies and individuals are giving to this ideology in the mistaken belief that inclusivity is what is most important, seemingly not realising that in being inclusive to a tiny but noisy and aggressive minority, it will eventually be excluding half the population.

In other words, you've taught your kid an absolute shower of shameful bigoted lies, and she'll know that you did when she's old enough to learn for herself.

Ah, so then you think lying to children is a super thing then? Where is the lie in what the poster wrote? The lie is that men and women can change into each other and that this is not only possible but all fine and normal. When we all know perfectly well that transwomen are not women and trans men are not men. If they were, where is the magical moment or process that transforms them? Why is acknowledging the truth bigoted?

If she says she wants to be a doctor, find her stories about female doctors.
If she was wants to be an astronaut, look at the women who have gone to space.
If she wants to be a dancer, show her female dancers.
Watch womens sport with her

Show that girls can do anything and if you work hard you can move towards your dreams.

And if she likes the pink glittery stuff, let her have it as we shouldn't see it as lesser than the "gender neutral colours".

If I was growing up now, I'd take anybody else's reality-based parenting over one who DARVO'd and told me black was white, seven.

A couple of years ago on holiday I told my daughter to "watch out for her" about a lizard running in front of us. My darling dad told me I'd "taken the feminism too far" he still didn't believe in males playing women's sports though, because... it's not on.

@JamSandwich89

'Colours are for everyone' 'Toys are for everyone' 'Games are for everyone'

Likes PPs have said, I think it starts with combating the gender stereotyping nonsense. In that, also showing both genders doing a range of things. I'm reminded of a time a few years ago when a friend was over at ours with his son (he was about 5). DH was watching the women's rugby and friend's son said 'Wait! Women playing rugby!'. I immediately think it's time to break out the 'Sports are for everyone' line but he straight away continues, 'I mean, I know women can play rugby it's just... It's just I've never seen it'. He then joins DH to watch the game and later goes home to tell his Mum how exciting it was/how strong the women were/can he watch more. That time always reminds me that what kids see is really important, as well as what we tell them.

That's a great story and yes you're absolutely right, what we do is probably much more important than what we say

@McDuffy

A couple of years ago on holiday I told my daughter to "watch out for her" about a lizard running in front of us. My darling dad told me I'd "taken the feminism too far" he still didn't believe in males playing women's sports though, because... it's not on.

How does he think Lizards have babies though?!! Surely there as much chance of it being a female lizard as a male! maybe more of a chance actually, aren't some Lizards only female?

When she gets to nursery/school there will be a lot of 'girls can't do that' messages. The easiest way of combating those is by asking her if she thinks it is true, get her to look at the people around her and see if the stereotype is correct. What also works with the very young is 'oh yes some silly people still think that girls shouldn't climb trees but we know better.'

Combatting stereotypes is the first step to inoculate her. She also needs an explanation for what she sees and the language that you use to explain her first encounter with the 'you can choose your sex' message will help her make sense of it. This messaging can start really early so it's never to soon to reinforce simple concepts and pre-empt the confusion. 'Some people believe' language can help.

Well said, that's it in a nutshell for children and young people of all ages!

Oops - meant that for @Thewindwhispers

@pinkrabbithell Teach her to have strong boundaries and encourage her resilience, perseverance and self esteem. Teach her fairness over kindness and encourage her to think for herself.

Whatever you do, don't let her join Girlguiding!

@HelloCrocus
Is this it? I posted it yesterday somewhere having chanced on it within a Twitter thread linked to Hadley Freeman’s article.
Everyone should read this as it is illuminating about girls and some of the things, especially the internet, affecting rapid onset body dysphoria and self-doubt in general. It so much more complicated than anyone from an older generation could imagine. The writer is eloquent and though this is long it is so worthwhile.

By Any Other Name - by Helena - prude posting

lacroicsz.substack.com/p/by-any-other-name?utm_source=url
lacroicsz.substack.com/p/by-any-other-name?utm_campaign=post&utm_source=url

@ScrollingLeaves yes it is! Thanks for posting and reposting it. I agree, it's a revelation, and so well written. So bloody tragic too, though she seems to have come out the other side relatively well.

The more I reflect on it, the more I feel that the focus on avoiding gender stereotyping (no pink, no princesses, girls can do anything) might be a bit misplaced wrt this issue. I think the lobby groups have pushed the Barbie to Action Man axis as a way to gain sympathy and goodwill (oh look, a delicate little boy who loves dollies!), and as a way to (illogically) conflate genderism with the idea of smashing sex stereotypes, but the ROGD girls I've come across have not especially been tomboys who decided that this made them male. I don't know.

There is a pressure to be trans, or a victim in some way, as there can be a stigma among peers if you are ‘cishet’. Cishet is a slur. It means you have ‘privilege’ - a sort of original sin. It has crept in from America muddled in from Critical Race Theory mixed with TQ

Helena said a lot more than this, but I found this a revelation.

There seems to be an idea afoot that OFSTED is marking schools down if they do not teach little children enough about diversity which in practice is not general diversity but LGBTQ. (Does anyone know the evidence about OFSTED doing this?)

So check out schools.

Drag Queen Story time has been happening in libraries; and yesterday there was an AIBU thread about this happening in a school. There have been some other threads about it in libraries.