'Non-judgemental' and 'safe spaces'

[Lovelyricepudding]

Having a conversation with dd about the suggestion that being non-judgemental is a good thing - it was a short conversation as we agreed it is not. For example someone suggested to her she shouldn't be judgemental towards her friends. She pointed out that of course she should be; she should judge whether they are a good friend, whether she agrees with their behaviour and if necessary pull them up on it or dissolve the friendship. I also had someone tell me a good thing about a support group I am involved it was it was a non-judgemental safe space. They were rather taken aback when I pointed out that in order for a space to be safe there needs to be judgement. Supporting individuals properly involves constant judgement about their problems, information shared, issues of confidentiality, safeguarding, behaviour, misinformation, negotiation, diplomacy etc.

Where has this idea come from that lack of judgement is a good thing and safe spaces are just spaces to do/say/behave as you want?

It is the desired result of destabilisation of society’s ‘norms’ and ‘notes’. That kink is good and ‘everyone is doing it’, that people in responsible safeguarding positions should be able to have a life that can be as rich in BDSM and sexualised activity as they want on line and still retain their roles.

That lowering of children’s and women’s boundaries is of benefit to women and children.

Once you see where it stems from and the motivation of some (Foucault among them) you cannot I see it. And I am quite sure there will be a plethora of posters denying the theories underpinning this push.

And telling us we are prudish/50s housewives/pearl clutchers / with vile imaginations as we have seen on other threads this year so far.

‘Notes’ should be ‘mores’. Not sure what autocarrot thought it was doing.

It may also be a balance thing, which todays society can't handle

As in it's not don't judge /judge that is the question but more think about when and why you judge

Don't judge someone as inferior to yourself because they have patched trousers . But other times judging behaviour is appropriate.

Im not always a fan of Theodore Dalrymple but this particular essay (1997) stuck in my mind when I read it. It would certainly not pass a sensitivity readers checking today! but is probably a fairly good descriptor of the issues he faced in his medical practice and the question of whether to be infinitely compassionate and nonjudgemental or whether to temper his practice with judgement eg challange self deception, point out problems, stress personal responsibility.

www.city-journal.org/html/rush-judgment-12282.html

Thank you Chipperfish an interesting read. It also shows that 'BeKind' is often not to be kind at all, even to the person centering it, but rather a demand for immediate satisfaction. I often see criticism of judgement on other threads on MN. Sometimes involving treatment of children where being non judgemental means turning a blind eye to mistreatment or neglect.

Helleofabore I hadn't linked it with queen theory before. Do you think it comes from there or just fits it so well that queer theory advocates have picked it up and run with it? Peversely many of those who most loudly proclaim to be non judgemental strongly judge everyone else.

Could safe spaces be considered more accurately as sacred spaces where one practises veneration of ones chosen ideology?