Is being called 'love' sexist and other microaggressions

[Nobble]

I am a female manager in a female dominated profession, however have a fair proportion of men on my ward.
A team which I believe is entirely male come to to work area to complete tasks requiring direction from the staff.
I have raised a concern that female staff are being regularly confronted, called difficult and argued with for pointing out potential safety errors to this team.

When I have had to do similar I have recieved the same reaction often with comments such as you what love, have a nice day love, just leave us to do our job love. I am visible manager in terms of my uniform and I find these comments degrogary and are used to devalue my opinion. Some of them seem aghast we would challenge them, and appear angry at times.

The staff in my unit are experts in their field and the male team are to be guided as they do not get informed of the detail prior to their assignment. I am confident my staff are respectful when challenging, I know I am and still recieve unpleasant responses.

I have also been oggled by a member of this team who made it very clear he was looking at my backside and telling me he really liked me.

I have raised a concern with the male teams manager, and mentioned the complaints only come from my female staff. I wanted him to have chat with his team about the way they address my team. However instead he has called a meeting, asked for statements and I feel he is asking me to prove we are bring treated differently - which I don't feel I can do.

I'm a bit stuck what to do next, I don't want to meet with this male manager and try and convince him experiences myself and team have reported are genuine. I feel like I get labelled difficult for calling these things out but the last episode genuinely upset me.

I have a female manager I could escalate it to but why should I have to. I am more senior than the male manager and his male team and should be able to address this.

WWYD?

Escalate

You feel the method he is choosing is likely to be intimidating to your staff which given the nature of the complaints rather proves the point that the team including the manager does not understand good inclusive behaviour

Although there seem to be 2 issues which whilst related are separate - in particular it seems odd that the team brought in for a particular role is not aware of safety issues whist you are / telling a specialist team how to do their job never goes well

The micro aggressive behaviour is a standalone issue

Difficult, not sure you have a great deal of choice as hes already started to progress this down a formal route. Maybe you could speak with him on this. However if this is his intention then perhaps you need to start getting statements from your staff.
I agree with you definitely a microaggressuon

I don't believe the word 'love' is a micro aggression in itself.

However the way that you describe it used here, it sounds like it is

I work I a male dominated industrial and often the same sort of comments. However, alot of the male senior managers and directors the MD and CEO are very happy to back me when I push back.

3 years down the line it doesn't happen so much.

As a Senior Manager I would challenge it every time I here them patronising your staff. Then i would raise it with their Manager and Mention it to my own. Documenting the Converstation and outcome. If nothing changes, make a formal complaint about their behaviour and their managers failure to deal with their behaviour.

You say he is asking for statements
Prepare written statements , hand them in and see what happens then

It does seem a little off that you raise an issue and instead of trusting you he wants to probe your staff more

However instead he has called a meeting, asked for statements and I feel he is asking me to prove we are bring treated differently - which I don't feel I can do.

To be fair, you would need to provide proof to take it any further.

Get statements from the women who are having these statements aimed at them.

The oogling incident, unfortunately, is likey to come to nothing in a complaint unless you have a witness or he has done the same to several people. But a complaint on file may help if someone else complains.

Yes “ love “ in this context is patronising and misogynistic. I know because I work with trades men all the time and never get called “ love “. Because I’m old and unattractive.

I’ve never heard them call any other men “love”. They call each other “mate”.

It’s a term used for attractive young women that they want to put in their place.

However I agree with PP that’s it’s probably better in the first instance to focus on other aspects of their behaviour, such as failing to understand the safety issues and arguing when they are given instructions.

I’d focus less on the misogyny . You are more likely to get action from management if they fear

• potential safety issues
• extra costs because work has to be redone / delays

It’s very hard to get any men to see misogyny, it’s like asking them to see the oxygen in the air.

And even if they can see it, they don’t care because it’s not affecting them.

Love is just an idiom. Oop north where I am it's used all the time to men and women alike.

That said these men are clearly sexist. What matters is their behaviour.

Focus on the specifics (aggression, leering, patronising) rather than being drawn into debating language.

Thank you everyone, very helpful comments here. The address the question about my staff guiding the male team my staff are clinicians in a hospital.settong and the male team are non clinical. Therefore my team have knowledge this team are not privvy to.

I've scoured my emails and this has gone on for a couple of years. Reflecting there are lots of issues, the language of 'love' was just the bit that made my blood boil as I know it was used in a way to demean me.

I am visible manager in terms of my uniform

Are you a nurse? If so I wouldn't bank on other people knowing the difference in the different tunics you wear. No one outside the profession does.

In other aspects you are being completely reasonable to complain.

@Justkeeppedaling yes I tried to be vague but then dropped in ward.

I'm a nurse and the team are porters they definitely know a ward managers uniform. What I didn't fully explain was I have a fairly mixed team but the complaints only come from female staff.

The porters can't do enough for the male nurse, yes mate, no probs mate. The female nurses are challenged. It's not all of the team but enough to feel uncomfortable for those it happens to.
I'll raise it. I was feeling uncomfortable with how their male manager wanted to address it. I think I will seek support with escalating it.

Sometimes hospitals have a strange power dynamic. There aren't many other situations were a predominantly female work force are more senior and give directions to a male work force (porters). It sometimes just appears they don't want to be told what to do by women - even if those woman know what they are talking about!

I think you need to start recording every incident. Date/time, what was said, any witnesses. Each individual incident could be written off, but as a body it's hard to ignore.
The use of 'love' is not in itself, sexist or patronising, but what you have described most certainly is.
However, you do need evidence if your colleague is taking down a more formal path. If you don't have the evidence, I'd suggest that you withdraw your complaint but make it clear that you will be instructing your staff to document all and every future incident.

[quote Nobble]@Justkeeppedaling yes I tried to be vague but then dropped in ward.

I'm a nurse and the team are porters they definitely know a ward managers uniform. What I didn't fully explain was I have a fairly mixed team but the complaints only come from female staff.

The porters can't do enough for the male nurse, yes mate, no probs mate. The female nurses are challenged. It's not all of the team but enough to feel uncomfortable for those it happens to.
I'll raise it. I was feeling uncomfortable with how their male manager wanted to address it. I think I will seek support with escalating it.

Sometimes hospitals have a strange power dynamic. There aren't many other situations were a predominantly female work force are more senior and give directions to a male work force (porters). It sometimes just appears they don't want to be told what to do by women - even if those woman know what they are talking about![/quote]

Fair enough then. They should know you're in charge.

It happens everywhere. DD is a bank manager at 24. By her own admission she looks younger.
When older men people ask to see the manager and she comes over, they frequently ask to see "the real manager".

I don't know how as a sex we're going to resolve this - maybe in another generation or so it'll fizzle out.

@Imdonna

However instead he has called a meeting, asked for statements and I feel he is asking me to prove we are bring treated differently - which I don't feel I can do.

To be fair, you would need to provide proof to take it any further.

Get statements from the women who are having these statements aimed at them.

The oogling incident, unfortunately, is likey to come to nothing in a complaint unless you have a witness or he has done the same to several people. But a complaint on file may help if someone else complains.

Agree with this and I am reasonably senior position in NHS ICU.

"I’ve never heard them call any other men “love”. They call each other “mate”.

It’s a term used for attractive young women that they want to put in their place"

Yes, but women often call each other love. It's not a term aimed mainly at women.

Sounds to me like there's a class difference here too. It really is totally normal in many groups to use terms of endearment. It's a totally separate thing from the ogling.

"There aren't many other situations were a predominantly female work force are more senior and give directions to a male work force (porters)."

I always see dark blue as sister or equivalent. Am I wrong or is it just in Wales where I think the colours are standardised? Green is assistant, blue is nurse I think. And if I worked in the hospital, I'm sure I'd figure it out.

@Imdonna and @Pyewhacket I completely accept what you are saying. I just feel frustrated that in him making it a formal process makes my concern feel challenged and disbelieved.
There are at least two incidents that have gone onto our NHS reporting system and several emails back and forth.
I do think there should be a level of respect that if a concern is raised it should be on the whole believed rather than adjectly challenged. Yhis is certainly the approch used with other types of discrimination. The way he has challenged is exactly how his team act which was the issue!

I dont want to make this a huge deal, I was want myself and staff to be treated with more respect. I feel he is forcing me to back down, as the concerns are all relatively minor that in a busy acute environment the staff will not report and write statements there just isn't the time.

Could you do it by mediation? Maybe the union could help? Calling you love is neither one thing nor another.
Could you ask you male clinical colleagues to be more proactive in addressing it i.e if the porter defers to them but not you can they deal with it?