' around 6,000 women in the past three years ...'

[ArabellaScott]

'...have been helped out of abusive relationships through Mumsnet'.

Saw this the other day on this great guest post:

'Sharon Baker is a police officer and long-time Mumsnet user. She writes here about her experience of domestic abuse as a police officer and how she finally broke away.'

I often miss pinned posts/guest posts, so icymi:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/guest_posts/4446296-Coercive-and-controlling-behaviour-is-clever-You-would-have-thought-a-police-officer-could-see-it-coming-right

And more in this article.

www.mumsnet.com/articles/violence-against-women

I wanted to say thank you and offer a round of applause for MNHQ and all the vipers of MN who have helped these women.

Omg that's amazing! I wonder what the average number of attempts to leave is?

I read some threads then the OP disappears and you know they've gone back to their abuser.

I love the ones where they list the abuse and you can see their rose coloured specs slowly begin to crack. Sometimes I think just listing the abuse makes them realise it's not normal!!

Just adding this post from the thread:

"It will be more than 6000. I know this because there are women like me who have drawn on MNthreads- experience and advice to help people get out of the situation they are in- never mentioning it here.
But without MN I couldn't have given the help."

What a wonderful resource Mumsnet is and a massive congratulations to all those knowledgeable and caring women who offer help and support on the relationships boards and wherever else these problems are raised.

Delighted for all the women who have been helped, but what a sad indictment of bloody men, that so many of them are misogynist abusers. We need to change the way we raise boys. Toxic patriarchal entitlement is a vile role model.

I saw that too. No wonder this site is so targeted.

FatFucker I have read it takes an average of 7 attempts to leave but I can't remember where....

@Babdoc

Delighted for all the women who have been helped, but what a sad indictment of bloody men, that so many of them are misogynist abusers. We need to change the way we raise boys. Toxic patriarchal entitlement is a vile role model.

It is so hard when they go to secondary school, especially if there are no good male role models at home. My son is lovely and I am proud of him, but the constant environment of violence, misogyny and pornography is exhausting. If I were 30 years younger I would honestly hesitate to start a family. So much is out of our control.

@ArabellaScott

FatFucker I have read it takes an average of 7 attempts to leave but I can't remember where....

It used to be about 11 times (that was around 2005 and a report I read but can't remember which). If you've read the number is now 7, then I'm am thinking that's some progress. Women are getting help sooner. I hope that's right.

It's still sad that the hold on a woman in a violent relationship is so destructive she accepts and returns.

I have a feeling it was a Citizens Advice report

I think that the reasons women find it hard to leave are often based around the awful family court system where children are forced to spend unsupervised time with violent, abusive men, and the fact that child maintenance is not enforced. Affordable housing is non existent. Essentially women and children are not that important or valued.

If there was a party that cared about these things I would vote for them.

I think MN is a brilliant resource. There is so much wisdom and experience on here, I wish it could be amplified further.

Obviously I think this is fucking fantastic and well done vipers, but AGAIN the headline (not yours OP!) is putting the onus on women. Something like 6,000 abusive men have been stopped in their tracks, thanks to the power of MN might be better. Splitting hairs I know, but this bugs me.

Anyway, well done vipers.

In a healthy relationship here, but I have used the wisdom of Mumsnet when I've been talking to friends about leaving their partners. Recommended the Freedom Programme to someone the other day who has left and is still processing the scale of the controlling behaviour. I could see her falling into a similar relationship.

Highame, my memory is not a v reliable source! Will try to find reference.

Greta yes good points.

It's a huge number isn't it.
I mean it's brilliant so many have got help, but it's depressing so many needed to, and we know so many are still in bad situations unable to get out.

Makes it straightforward where to put charity donations this year.

@chestnutSquash

I think that the reasons women find it hard to leave are often based around the awful family court system where children are forced to spend unsupervised time with violent, abusive men, and the fact that child maintenance is not enforced. Affordable housing is non existent. Essentially women and children are not that important or valued.

Plus the delay for Universal Credit, the lack of help with deposits, the fact emergency housing is usually a B&B in areas which are exceptionally unsafe.

This isn't to detract from what MN and the vipers do, but synonymous with lack of value placed on women and children

Not just a nest of vipers then are we. That's really good to hear that 6000 women are hopefully now in a better place.

I have to confess also that MN, has also helped me a great deal. I dont think I'd have asked myself the same questions and cone to the same conclusions that enabled me to get the courage up to end it with a man I no longer loved or even liked but who I stayed with for the kids and because I was grateful someone was putting up with me. And who although I wouldn't say was outright abusive he was nobody gaslighty and misogynistic at times. Selfish too. Erratic in mood, and a general energy vampire. He's now taken to gaslighting the kids. Something thankfully they see through also thanks to here.

The Feminism section particularly has been of huge help to me. And although the negative side if finding this board has made me question every relationship both friendly and romantically to the point I have few positive memories left of many people now , I'm.thankful i can now see what's I'm from of me and I hope to carry this over into any subsequent relationships.

The saddest thing is, I regularly see threads which criticise MN for advising women to "LTB" over "every little thing". These crop up in AIBU on a depressingly frequent basis.

This is brilliant, thanks mnhq and all those women who've supported others

Managed to leave my ex after the first time he outright attacked me through support from here. I'd also - mostly subconsciously - taken in the advice I read on other threads and was able to act decisively in the aftermath as a result. I'm now employed full time in a job I enjoy, own my home and have a healthy relationship.

Women supporting women is a powerful thing.

@Babdoc

Delighted for all the women who have been helped, but what a sad indictment of bloody men, that so many of them are misogynist abusers. We need to change the way we raise boys. Toxic patriarchal entitlement is a vile role model.

I agree and I’m teaching my two (boy and girl) what I think is right, from what I know. I think I have the obvious things covered such as body autonomy, consent, not using violence to resolve things, respect, care with being online (although they’re not online yet, I’m still dropping nuggets of info such as not everyone is who they they are)…not necessarily being kind! I worry I’m missing something obvious though. My lad is lovely, but when I see groups of 7 year olds together, I think I can see that male socialisation/entitlement emerging even at that young age. How do we do better?

Whatthechicken I wish I knew. I think it’s getting worse, not better, due to violent internet porn shaping young boys’ attitudes long before they actually have a girlfriend.
I doubt that women can solve it alone - boys need good male role models, who treat women with respect. Fathers have a big part to play, but often fail or are absent.

I agree, Babdoc. I think a huge part of it is male role models and older males to mentor/lead/teach boys. Maybe more men into teaching would help, or perhaps shorter working weeks to help fathers spend more time with their children, or ways to help young people access reliable role models when fathers are absent or less than desirable role models.

On figures, found some referenced figures:

safelives.org.uk/policy-evidence/about-domestic-abuse/how-long-do-people-live-domestic-abuse-and-when-do-they-get

On average high-risk victims live with domestic abuse for 2.3 years and medium risk victims for 3 years before getting help 
85% of victims sought help on average five times from professionals in the year before they got effective help to stop the abuse 
On average victims experience 50 incidents of abuse before getting effective help 
Each year there are over 1 million calls to police in England and Wales about domestic abuse, and on average someone contacts the police every 30 seconds for help with domestic abuse 
78% of high-risk victims report the abuse to the police in the year before they get effective help, on average 2.8 times each 
68% of high-risk victims try to leave in the year before getting effective help, on average 2 or 3 times each 
23% of high-risk victims attend A&E as a result of their injuries in the year before getting effective help, many multiple times

@TellMeItsPossible

Managed to leave my ex after the first time he outright attacked me through support from here. I'd also - mostly subconsciously - taken in the advice I read on other threads and was able to act decisively in the aftermath as a result. I'm now employed full time in a job I enjoy, own my home and have a healthy relationship.

Women supporting women is a powerful thing.

❤️ fantastic!