Single sex spaces -and doctors / hospitals

[SuperSleepyBaby]

People here often point out the importance of single sex spaces for womens’ privacy, dignity and safety - like on hospital wards -but what about the sex of the staff who are treating you?

I know it may not be practical to have the staff single sex as at the end of the day most people just want to get good medial treatment- even if some of those people have to sacrifice some dignity etc.

The standard position is that you accept whatever doctor is available - male or female. If you are not happy with a man being your midwife, it is up to you to be brave and request a female.

Should the default be that you are seen by a female member of staff for issues like childbirth, smears - but if a male doctor is available, you are asked if you are ok with this?

I have a few experiences that made me feel uncomfortable.

I had to go to a gynaecologist after an abnormal smear. The doctor was a man - it just felt completely wrong to have him examining me there. I didn’t feel able to say anything as i was quite young at the time. I felt if I requested a female doctor I would openly be implying i felt i did not trust him.

I had a missed miscarriage and had to go to hospital for medical management. I was told some medication needed to be put up at my cervix. I heard the midwife saying a doctor would be along to do it soon. I heard the midwife referring to the doctor as ‘him’. I was already emotional about the miscarriage so i got upset and said I don’t want a man doing that. The midwife just tried to reassure me that he was a nice doctor and not to worry. I felt a bit traped and like I was being unreasonable making a fuss. He came in and did it. Even though I know it was a medical procedure i felt like i was being assaulted in a way - having a man with his hands right up inside me. I still think about it now - about 5 years later - and feel uneasy.

Also, i had to get treatment for breast cancer. I remember one male doctor at the initial assessment- feeling my breast to check for lumps. He got a work call on his mobile while examining me which i did not mind - but he left one hand on my breast as he took the call. I just remember thinking - ‘get your hand off me’- but because i was terrified about having cancer and wanting just to get on with the treatment, I tried to ignore it. There were other isaues too during the breast cancer treatment with other male doctors. Ultimately they treated the cancer which was the most important thing but i would have preferred female doctors if they were available.

OP. That sounds distressing.

Yes. I believe that given the numbers of women who have suffered at the hands of men no intimate procedures should be performed on women by men. I include midwifery in this, obstetrics and gynaecology too. No woman should be in the position of needing to find the courage to ask for a female health professional for intimate procedures.

I am deeply suspicious of men who choose to be involved in the intimate care of vulnerable women. If they genuinely cared about women then surely they wouldn’t want to impose themselves on a potentially traumatised woman in vulnerable circumstances?

When my mum was very ill at home she had district nurse visits. One of the nurses was a young lad, he was very nice and professional. If I'd not been there as a 'chaperone' so to speak, I'm not sure I'd have been happy.
It's no reflection on him he was lovely, but she was so vulnerable and frail and helpless, one of the reasons I did most of her caring needs.
Not really sure what the answer is, obviously men can and should be district nurses but it made me slightly uncomfortable.

Its difficult because it would be lovely of wr could be garunteed a female Dr in these situations. I had a difficult pregnancy with dd2 and I remember one absolutely lovely female Dr I had who was rushed off her feet . She was tiny and must have been covering multiple wards or whatever. She was so kind. So.patient and gentle.

I also remember the male.porter who wheeled me ,in a gown as I held my drip, over the fucking hospital.car Park for all.to see.

I remember the male I.assume they were trainees I dunno but I had to have alot of ultrasounds and I never knew u til that point that an.untra sound could be painful. I swear they were trying to.scan the table.under me.

I remember a female Dr who went round demanding someone take responsibility for me because all the nurses were denying I was their patient and I hadn't eaten in hours due to a mistake . I say mistake, I'll never know.if it was. But she had no idea why I'd been told to not eat ir drink in prep for my ultra sound in fhe morning. She rocked. She really took charge and sorted the situation out. Including getting me sone food.

Then there was the un chaperoned male consultant who examined me. I remember thinking to myself " thank god I'm not his wife" it wasnt until years later I began to question why I had no chaperone.