Books for gender non conforming 6 yo

[JustcameoutGC]

Morning all. My 6 yo daughter is not a very girly girl. She likes minecraft, coding and is beginning to prefer the company of boys. So far so good. However, gender stereotypes are so reinforced from such an early age (girls do sparkly unicorns, boys do football) she is beginning to say things like she must be a boy, or sometimes she is a girl and sometimes she is a boy. I have spoken to her about it at length, and as far as i can tell, there is no sense of gender dysphoria present. She is just adding 2 and 2 and getting 5. Boys like minecraft, i like minecraft, maybe i am a boy.

Does anyone have any good suggestions for books i can get her that show that boys and girls can and should wear and do anything.

If we focused on breaking down gender stereotypes, we wouldn't be in this mess to begin with.
I have already picked up My body is Me.

6 yo?

Zog and the flying doctors? Princess Pearl is a doctor and then made to be a princess with a frilly dress arranging flowers, which she doesn't like. In the end of the book her uncle accepts that a princess can be anything she wants and she flies off to be a doctor again

Just knock all the genderisation of everything! "Girls wear pink" BS! "Boys play football" BS! Whenever my daughters say anything like that I'll show them on youtube, for example, professional women's football highlights (5yo said that only boys play football at her school )

@Huy456

I asked my girls who are a similar age and know gender stereotypes are bullsh*t and they reccomended the following: Darcy Burdock Harry Potter Famous five/ secret 7 Pamela butchart

Im interested in why you/your daughters feel the Famous Five are a good example of non girly girls - is it because of George?

Having read them again as an adult (to my son) I was horrified at Blytons sexism - she has 2 main female characters, Anne who is wet and weedy and cries a lot, and George who is a tomboy. George is always saying she wishes she was a boy and being disparaging about other girls. She is treated like an 'honorary boy' by the other boys. Its mentioned a lot!

I didn't like the message that if you are active, capable and physically strong you are 'like a boy' .

I guess they are of their time, but that message might be one to steer away from if you want to show girls they can be / do anything.

For a six-year-old, the three Tilly books by Hilary McKay

www.goodreads.com/series/217541-tilly

I didn't like the message that if you are active, capable and physically strong you are 'like a boy'

Have to agree with that and I actually remember being very bothered by it when I read them as a kid. Definitely not one to give to the overthinking type of girl, or at least not without chatting to her about it.

Lots of classic kid’s literature has this problem. The Narnia books bothered me as well for the same reasons. I think it’s worth having a direct conversation about sexist stereotypes in older books before giving them to kids.

If anyone is lurking, thinking about books for 10-12 year olds, I recommend these two series by Lari Don.

www.laridon.co.uk/my-books/novels/

Not because the female protagonists are notably gender conforming or not gender conforming, but because they're basically people. They're healthily not stereotyped either way.

The Polar Bear Explorer's Club series.

The premise is that there are a few different explorer clubs but only men and boys can be explorers. The girl in this series is basically like, "well, screw all of you, I'm going to be an explorer" and she is awesome at it. It is just her with a group of boys on an expedition and she is the hero, sort of. Both my boys love the books, I dont have any daughters but I'm sure they would!
Fun little side note, her dad is gay. He adopted her (found her in the snow, cant go into detail as it ruins a plot point) but he is gay. It isnt made into a big deal. It is one sentence about him losing the person he loved. But it's lovely!

@JustcameoutGC

Morning all. My 6 yo daughter is not a very girly girl. She likes minecraft, coding and is beginning to prefer the company of boys. So far so good. However, gender stereotypes are so reinforced from such an early age (girls do sparkly unicorns, boys do football) she is beginning to say things like she must be a boy, or sometimes she is a girl and sometimes she is a boy. I have spoken to her about it at length, and as far as i can tell, there is no sense of gender dysphoria present. She is just adding 2 and 2 and getting 5. Boys like minecraft, i like minecraft, maybe i am a boy.

Does anyone have any good suggestions for books i can get her that show that boys and girls can and should wear and do anything.

If we focused on breaking down gender stereotypes, we wouldn't be in this mess to begin with.
I have already picked up My body is Me.

Hansel and Gretel is a great story for this. Gretel is a hands-on inventor character who is always showing off her latest invention and is an amazingly well written character.

Another few that have popped into my head - could be a bit advanced for a 6 yo though, but weirdly enough a lot of Shakespeare's plays do a good job of empowering women.

The two I know of are Macbeth's Lady Macbeth showing control, power and cunning; and King Lear's Goneril and Regan showing similar qualities.

Non fiction ones but nice and probably ok for her age:

“Ready to read” series:

• You should meet Women who launched the computer age
• You should meet Katharine Johnson
• You should meet Mae Jemison

Margaret and the Moon - by Dean Robbins

Grace Hopper Queen of Computer Code - by Laurie Wallmark

Ocean Speaks (How Marie Tharp revealed the Ocean’s Biggest Secret) - by Jess Keating

I am very girly and work in IT as a test analyst. Being masculine/feminine/other doesn't mean anything

@wrennywr

Another few that have popped into my head - could be a bit advanced for a 6 yo though, but weirdly enough a lot of Shakespeare's plays do a good job of empowering women. The two I know of are Macbeth's Lady Macbeth showing control, power and cunning; and King Lear's Goneril and Regan showing similar qualities.

on second thought, maybe Shakespeare isn't the best for a child to read

I'd steer away from older books for now - even the ones that have strong female characters (George in famous five, the Amazons) tend to present them as unusual in this way. The Zoey and Sassafras books are good. Diana Wynne Jones is wonderful though probably for older readers.

Not a book but there is plenty of 'girlie' Minecraft merchandise available, water bottles, t-shirts pyjamas, would this help her realise mine craft is for everyone.

There are some good books about womens roles in the war - Spitfire Women, The Female Few, I've read another but I can't remember it.

This makes me spit to be honest. I have worked my entire life in a male majority role/industry and it doesn't make me an iota less female. And only a bit less feminine.

Also, I would say take a chilled approach to the books. Sometimes I just leave books I think they might like somewhere prominent in the bedroom and see if they choose to pick it up. Allow their own discovery. Sometimes they get into one after it’s been on the shelf for a while.

In response to comments about “maybe I am a boy” perhaps a brief “loads of girls/women are (Minecrafters / footballers / coders / bmxers / scientists / sailors / pilots / architects / whatever) and they are definitely still girls/women.” Then search to show her or talk about examples. And positive reinforcement of “you are brilliant, I think you are fantastic, it’s so cool how you [something that she likes doing].” Build her confidence and encourage trying things. All just good stuff to know she is great and it’s fine to not be into all the things that your friends are into. You can still be friends with different interests.

Finally, and not saying you would, but, please don’t get into putting down other girls who are into unicorns / dolls / dancing / bows / make up etc. In the end it will probably help your daughter in life to have a wide range of friends which will include girls who -are- into more typically feminine things.

@Livpool

I am very girly and work in IT as a test analyst. Being masculine/feminine/other doesn't mean anything

I write scientific software, and while I don't know about 'girlie' (im 60) I think it is worth emphasising that these books which demonstrate how girls and women can do anything, they're just as relevant for 'girlie girls' as for gender nonconformists. And not a bad idea for some of them to be in the mix for boys too.

My 6 year old has recently enjoyed (listening to me read) Judy Moody, Clarice Bean, Ruby Redfort and Anisha: Accidental Detective. All are series with great, strong female leads.

Also as pps have said, the Daisy and the Trouble... books are good for that age group, and Pippi Longstocking.

Yes to Swallows and Amazons, especially the ones that focus on Nancy and Peggy as well as the Walker family (the latter fall back into a degree of stereotype in some of the later books, although all the female characters remain strong and clear (and Bridget is a delightful addition in the later ones).

I've really enjoyed reading Mrs Pepperpot and Clever Polly and the Stupid Wolf to my lot - as a PP says, a girl/woman doesn't have to be doing non-feminine-connotated things to be clever, resourceful and come out on top.

I'm reading the Ramona series (Beverly Cleary) with my 6yo dd atm. It's lovely writing, really empathetic and non-patronising, and Ramona is a girl who gets a real chance to become herself in what, for the time it is set, is a pretty equal family.

Yes to Swallows and Amazons, especially the ones that focus on Nancy and Peggy as well as the Walker family (the latter fall back into a degree of stereotype in some of the later books, although all the female characters remain strong and clear (and Bridget is a delightful addition in the later ones).

I'm one of the Susan fans. She's the capable, practical one - but is also completely part of the adventures, a very competent sailor etc. The whole setup of kids camping and sailing alone simply doesn't work without Susan.

The Sophie series by Dick King-Smith. She's a fantastic character.
Famous Five and there's a range of other Enid Blytons (she may be a bit young)
How to train a dragon series

Have a look at My Naughty Little Sister. Two sisters, different behaviours. It is an oldie but that can be helpful too because of how you can observe and chat about how different expectations are now (in theory at least!)

btw lots of girls like Minecraft. Have a look and see if there are coding initiatives specifically for girls so that she can see that girls code etc.

Did anyone mention His Dark Materials?

Sorry to not answer the OP but for future reference I think Philip Reeve is a superb author for children and I highly recommend the Fever Crumb series and the standalone Here Lies Arthur.

And also by Astrid Lindgren, Ronja the Robber's Daughter.

WeDidntMeanToGoToSea I loved Clever Polly and the Stupid Wolf as a child!

I heartily second this recommendation!

@WeDidntMeanToGoToSea another yes to clever Polly! One of my top childhood favourites and one of my sons favourites too (he’s now 11 and he’s only just stopped having it on as general bedtime audiobook).
And also yes to Ramona - def another big hit with my two boys (doing my bit with making sure the boys get female protagonists as well as male, plus obv they are excellent books).

Philippa Gregory’s Princess Florizella series is great for this age. Fun fairytale type stories but with lots of reversing gender stereotypes and play with social expectations of girls and boys. My DC really enjoyed them