Trans ideology and mental health

[IamAporcupine]

I didn't know whether to post this here, in mental health or even in AIBU, but as I feel quite fragile, I thought this place would be safer.

First of all, I have to thank all the knowledgeable posters for having opened my eyes to this madness. I have been reading and following the (lack of) debate for a while now, and very slowly become more vocal about it. I am not a SM person but recently started to follow some people on IG. I commented a couple of times, and have already been called a transphobe, a bigot, to go an educated myself, etc etc. I thought I was OK with this, but I now realise I am not, or at least, not always.

The more I read or interact with trans ideologues or allies, the more scared I become. I spent a couple of hours yesterday listening to TT exulansic and ended up with a really bad headache. To realise that there are people out there who see this ideology as their reality makes me feel very unsettled. I think it is probably due to the gaslighting involved. I spent many years of this in my marriage without even knowing what it was, and feeling that again makes me panicky.

On top of that, I realised the other day that I probably would not be able to discuss any of these feelings with friends or even with my therapist, as they are all still completely blind, which made me feel very isolated.

Does anyone else experience this? Any advice?!

As an example, I have just come accross this about plural identities, which I didn't even know existed.
smallcedarforest.org/on-transgender-and-plural-experience/

Is this the 'real' world now? How is it possible?

I don’t let the genderists set the terms of the debate.

TWAW? Sure, that’s fine. But you’ve just created a difference between being female and being a woman, so now it’s reasonable to say let’s separate what is needed by women from what is needed by female people, right?

Oh, it’s really hard to define what a female person actually is because of [list of very rare exceptions]? Yes you are right. But for the vast majority of humans it isn’t hard at all, so I’m fine if we start with a definition that works for all the female people who aren’t exceptions and then deal with exceptions case by case.

It’s really bad to restrict people’s identities based on their sex? Yes you are so right! That’s why we need to properly separate sex and gender rather than trying to use the same words for both and sort of smooshing gender identities on top of old fashioned sex classes. Let’s let sex be sex and think about gender as something separate that deserves support from the ground up.

And so on.

I had a really good think about what I know, what I believe, and my values (which incidentally include believing that gender fluidity, glittery rainbow parties, kink acceptance for adults and the whole alphabet pinata are totally fine and in many ways bloody wonderful as long as female people and our need for single sex support, existence, voices and provisions are accepted as valid and reasonable as things entirely separate to and having no impact on anyone’s identity) so I know what I believe and why.

I’m still socially left wing, I’m not secretly scared of or threatened by trans people, I just want to find a way we can all fit together with no one including female people being unsafe, marginalised or having to adopt narratives about themselves they know not to be true for the sake of social conformity.

And that gives me solid ground to stand on instead of being buffetted by whichever willothewhisp the genderists are chasing today.

@Franca123 I’m not sure, I have read this a lot on MN, though my other post which also mentions agp she writes daringly seems to still be standing so maybe this one was just a bit more robustly voiced!

I actually dngaf what people want to do within their own homes/spaces/relationships between consenting adults as long as people/boundaries are respected and maintained. However that’s not what’s happening, it’s not enough for TRAs, and there are too many extremely troubling examples of female/lesbian/single space sexes and boundaries being eroded, and the absolute worst case scenarios for women and girls playing out as a result.

Also there is just so much hatred underpinning all this (from TRAs), that at the worst points I start to believe it’s a cult of pure misogyny, hell bent on removing women’s identities, rights and opportunities, safety and boundaries, bodily and sexual autonomy, agency and power, our children, grandchildren, our futures.

The problem is that it’s hard to shut out this stuff, once you know about it. But I would rather know, and be trying to stop it, however stressful it is.

Just want to say I feel very similar

@Ereshkigalangcleg

I think it's really scary and upsetting when you realise how deeply society doesn't respect or value women. This issue brings it into stark relief and it's not easy to hold that in your head from day to day. I think it's one of the main reasons so many women support trans ideology - if they were to think it through and recognise the inherent misogyny, it would be too difficult for them to live with.

This is so true.

Yes.

@Bellendejour - I feel better, thanks. I am less panicky and definitely more angry, which I think it is a change in the right direction .