what will it mean to you if we lose the word "mother"

[vivariumvivariumsvivaria]

I am incandescent about the moves to make "mother" a gender neutral term, or to remove it entirely from documentation (see Nancy Kelly's comments on WH about Scottish Government)

My motherhood is not my identity or role - it grew INTO me like that fungus that grows on plant roots, which isn't a beautiful analogy.

My children grew in me, but, they also grew through me, like that fungus makes tiny roots that trail along the plant's in symbiosis - which is why when they were tiny my body responded to their needs before I did: my breasts leaked because my body heard their cry; I'd be aware of their sharp intake of breath and be sprinting to them before their scream.

It seems that this means I will forevermore only ever be as happy as my least happy child.

They left cells behind like a weird echo of when they were gestating, I am not aware of those cells but I do rather like that I have some tiny Y chromosomes floating around in my system because I have sons.

Before they were born I learned which was energetic, which was chill and which had terrible issues with hiccups - I "knew" their nature before anyone else could.

My kids are grown now and I STILL note "baby's kicking" before I realise it's a fart.

I loved them in a way that was different and animal. They are grown now and I miss them dreadfully. My job was to make them not need me and that is a painful success. They know they have a safe place to fall, that is what I have given them, it did not happen by accident, and that is really all any child needs, no matter how old they are.

Being their mother means I am loved in return - in a way that is never replicable by any other person.

I understand that some women do not wish children and some women are devastated to not have children. Me having mine is unremarkable and ordinary - at the same time as being personally spectacular and extraordinary.

Being a mother has become a short cut to building a relationship with other women who have children, or who would have loved to have children, or who have lost children. We understand something about each other that is above age, culture, language.

"Mother" is not a word, it's not an identity, it cannot be stolen and I will not allow it to be taken from me.

I fucking earned it.

Thank you @vivariumvivariumsvivaria - what a beautiful post. I'm with you 100%.

I was angry about the attempts to coopt women, furious about female but I'm incandescent about mother. My feelings about motherhood are visceral, primal. They cannot be taken because they are woven into the very fabric of who I am.

What a beautiful piece of writing.

I saw your thread title in the list OP and had a total WTAF moment, even though I know all about this, am a seasoned feminist who believes in women's sex-based rights and have opposed gender ideology (NB not trans people) from the start.

what will it mean to you if we lose the word "mother"?

How can we even be discussing potentially losing a word that we don't want to lose? We're not talking about an offensive word that's racist or demeaning in any way. But a word that's central to most of our lives in one way or another and is used every day an a million conversations (or its shortened versions).

Just by discussing that we're agreeing that we're in an orwellian situation where we have to worry about the state and major organisations like the NHS possibly banning normal everyday words simply because they relate to women's bodies and experiences. Not only driven by hatred of sex-based reality, but by hatred of women specifically (because surprise surprise, father and man are not under attack in the same way).

In fact, the latest developments suggest even the most egregious offenders like the SNP are pulling back from the brink on this one because it's obviously FUCKING INSANE even to them. But there are still forces pushing for it.

What it would mean to we if we lost it - though I don't think that would be possible - is that this lunacy had won.

Fuck. That.

Fabulous post 👏👏👏

Brilliant post. Thank you.

Beautiful post, viv. It's how I feel too and it brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you.

One of my sons is dead. I will always be his mother. I am sick of a few men and their handmaidens trying to appropriate something that is unique to women and impossible for men, not matter how much they shout and tantrum.

@EmergencyHydrangea

No one is actually stopping you using the word

They are trying, threatening, bullying though.

I like this badge, might start wearing one...

We cannot celebrate the ferocity of motherhood in animals and then make it worthless within language when referring to humans. It makes no sense.

@EmergencyHydrangea

No one is actually stopping you using the word

Motherhood is regularly demeaned on here when discussing parents separating and 50/50 arrangements. It’s already seeping into the narrative and these Stonewall guidelines are another nail in the coffin.

endoftheline

We would lose the language to talk about the impact of the female reproductive role.

I think the word ‘mother’ should be gender neutral, but reproduction is not sex neutral.

Beautiful words

That's just so beautiful OP and exactly how I feel in words too. Nobody had better dare take that from me.

Beautifully put OP.

Once you are a mother you will be a mother forever.
And you will never be free from fear again.

@EmergencyHydrangea

No one is actually stopping you using the word

Not really a choice when it’s use in public policy to has been changed to refer to an identity based in sexist stereotypes.

What a wonderful post op! And I’ve learned that they have left some of their Y chromosome in me, how cool is that, they are a little part of me and I’m a little part of them!

I am a mother
I became a mother just after my 19th birthday. I was an androgynous punk - it was all a bit of a shock. I lost my DDs twin just before their birth. I nearly lost my life and it’s a miracle DD is here nearly 40 yrs later.
I was a single mum of one for four years until I had DD 2 - again I nearly died. DD2 has SEN. I ended up in a mother and baby unit with Post natal psychosis.

So I have fought for my life, fought for my mental health, fought for my childrens rights….

And I will fucking fight for the word Mother….

love the user name ColinRobinsonsFart. I’m sure he frequents these boards!

I find it hard to believe this question was even asked on a politically left leaning board, oh irony of ironies. What will it mean if a word that is commonly used and understood drops out of common usage because it excludes or offends some people?

This is called political correctness, it’s being going on since at least the 1960’s... Many words that were commonly used along time ago are not acceptable now. This is a process that the left started and it doesn’t stop as there is no logical end point to it that I can see, because I can’t imagine a day will ever come where the language in use will never offend someone for some reason.

If people believe that they have the right to not be offended then they won’t stay quite when language offends them, they’ll demand others change their language and likely eventually get their way as most mainstream media and most institutions accept the idea that people should not be offended or feel excluded by others language even if it is just a small number of people who are offended or feel excluded. New Labour really cemented this idea into society.

If you voted for parties in favour of political correctness you can’t be surprised and complain that we now have language policing and political correctness. I have no idea if the word mother will disappear from common usage or not. But some words will, new words will emerge and this process won’t stop. But I guess that is only a problem when it’s changes you don’t like? When others were being hectored for their language in the past that was all fine and dandy. Leftists got what leftists voted for :)

Nothing - because I’m just not giving it up.

Why the hell should I - for a small number of people who won’t ever carry or birth a child to feel, what? For people who think it’s dandy to disrespect their own mothers and grandmothers like that (but not their old men?)

35,000 years BCE is the oldest mother goddess in this group of ancient examples

According to research at the University of Reading, ‘Mother’ is known as one of 23 earliest known words across a whole group of languages and is about 15,000 years old.

Dog is in the same list of 23😀

This is called political correctness, it’s being going on since at least the 1960’s...

I don’t think it’s comparable to what I suspect you are talking about - use of derogatory language when a perfectly good neutral alternative exists.

This is the elimination of the neutral alternative, and therefore the concept that the word represents - the idea that a distinct female reproductive function exists and that therefore women need specific rights and services. If anything that is right wing.