Do you avoid announcing you’re female as well?

[Warblerinwinter]

I received an email back today from an executive in a large corporation that I am escalating an issue to. Issues doesn’t matter much here ..it’s to do with their property and how that impacts my home. Lots of emails to lower level individuals have got me no where so escalated by recorde mail to CEO
I deliberately signed my letter with just initials and surname. I’ve been doing that a lot over last 10 years and particularly where dealing with serious issues where I want to be taken seriously and not dismissed . All the correspondence I have had with other companies and official Gov bodies in this matter singed off in same way. Most of these letter have been outlining the issues, listing the questions and then providing additional technical background data and information.
So unconcious bias and gender stereotyping is going strong.
Every single one of the replies has come back addressed to Mr Wi in winter . Not one as Mr/Ms. Which I guess reinforces why I do this .

I am also avoiding any telephone conversations on this issue.. the last person who I did have to speak to in the end had a palpable pause when they asked to speak to Mr W in winter and a clearlycfemal voice answered , yes that’s me , warbler. They also then proceeded to talk over me at every point I tired to discuss .
Is this just me? Anyone seslecdo this to actually get being taken seriously and treated as someone who does actually know what they are talking about

Sorry, too many typos 😯

I guess the other point here, that I forgot to say , is this is EXACTLY why I think pronoun announcements and directives are so damaging. It’s bad enough that unconcious bias hits us as soon as we give our title or name.

I've always done this. I've got a PhD so always sign myself off as Dr J Duszejko. Of course, email rather scuppers this approach, maybe I should change my personal email address.

Most American emails only use first initials

This is a great idea actually - will start doing it. I’ve also had the frustrating phone conversations where they talk over me and have started saying “can you let me speak, you’re talk it’s over me again” rather than getting more and more frustrated.

I’m now also moving into ageism - I’ve had a couple of young fellas speak to me as if I’m senile recently “awww you poor thing that must be frightening and confusing for you”. No it’s just fucking irritating and costing me money, sort it out!

Was recently thinking of getting a new email as mine has my date of girth in it which is wholly unnecessary (didn’t think of that 10 years ago when I first got it!) so I’ll maybe make it a ‘gender neutral’ one and see how much easier my life becomes

*talking over me

Will need to do something about my typing too!

Date of girth too oh dear.

@RaisedByPangolins

Date of girth too oh dear.

This one made me spit out my drink. 😊

Just realised I have ben doing this for ages, years, I must suffer from unconscious reverse internal bias or something.

I do it occasionally.

Also where they know I'm female - like with kids me being their mother - have been bounced around with medical and schools till DH as other parent gets involved and bam it's sorted immediately.

It's sadly why I put my foot down with couple of A&E trips we've had and insist he's the parent that goes straight away - he deals better with navigating places as well - as I'm aware he's less likely to get dismissed.

He's not more assertive or anything tangible - it does seem to be becuase he's male and even he' admits he's noticed the phenomenon.

I do this too. I never correct if I get a reply to Mr.

I've considered using the shortening of my name on job applications as it is a unisex shortening (like Terry or Pat).

So yes, I've thought about it

@Rummikub

I do this too. I never correct if I get a reply to Mr.

No I haven’t either…I’ve had 3 emails for, him today address to Mr winter 🤦‍♀️ As he’s actually now taking issues seriously I have no intention of correcting him

@JaninaDuszejko

I've always done this. I've got a PhD so always sign myself off as Dr J Duszejko. Of course, email rather scuppers this approach, maybe I should change my personal email address.

How I wish I had a PhD …..

My husband has the initials DR Surname. He has found that people take him more seriously than a plain Mr...

Maybe we should give our daughters names so that their initials are DR or MR or any other respected title

I don't agree with hiding one's sex. If we want to be taken seriously, we have to be honest and proud about who we are. If you hide your sex from someone and they finally find out, they will be embarrassed that they got it wrong and perhaps resentful that they have been deceived.

I think assertiveness training and personal coaching would be very useful for women.

Yes, I tend to use initial + surname. And get back replies to 'Mr' depressingly frequently.

@toomanytrees

I don't agree with hiding one's sex. If we want to be taken seriously, we have to be honest and proud about who we are. If you hide your sex from someone and they finally find out, they will be embarrassed that they got it wrong and perhaps resentful that they have been deceived.

I think assertiveness training and personal coaching would be very useful for women.

I see where you're coming from, but why would anyone feel embarrassed or resentful?

We are far from equality if you feel you would have been treated differently from the off had it been known you were a woman.

I've found that if I need to attend a meeting or something and suspect I'm going to be fobbed off I bring my husband. He is the most gentle meek and mild man and doesn't say very much. I am loud and confident. Whenever we go into a meeting the person addresses my husband all the time, even when it's me speaking!
But I do notice a difference if he's with me. I've had all sorts of medical issues that get dismissed so now I bring him to important appointments and I get a very different response and get taken seriously.
It's ridiculous. I'd love not to have to do it but when it's the difference between an important medical condition being followed up on or diagnosed, particularly if its potentially life threatening, I don't feel that I have much choice.

Our office policy has for several years to drop Mr, Mrs or Ms in addresses.

If writing to someone who signed " A Person" the letter would be addressed to A. Person and the salutation would be Dear A Person.

If the signature were Anne Person the address would be Anne Person .The salutation would be Dear Anne Person, or Dear Anne or Dear Mrs, Ms or Miss Person depending on the circumstances/ how well the parties corresponding know each other.

Absolutely, been Dr Batmammy for years. It definitely has a positive impact, all that studying was worth it. Having said that, I don’t think this is a good state of affairs but as an older woman it gets me immediate respect. Sad but true.

@toomanytrees

I don't agree with hiding one's sex. If we want to be taken seriously, we have to be honest and proud about who we are. If you hide your sex from someone and they finally find out, they will be embarrassed that they got it wrong and perhaps resentful that they have been deceived.

I think assertiveness training and personal coaching would be very useful for women.

It’s not about women being more assertive. Research has found that assertive men are respected while exactly equally assertive women are resented.

I have a unisex shortened name and definitely notice a difference when people respond assuming I am male. Responses seem faster, I’m taken more seriously. I never correct the assumption that I’m male unless I have to.

@toomanytrees

I don't agree with hiding one's sex. If we want to be taken seriously, we have to be honest and proud about who we are. If you hide your sex from someone and they finally find out, they will be embarrassed that they got it wrong and perhaps resentful that they have been deceived.

I think assertiveness training and personal coaching would be very useful for women.

I think you may be missing the point here. It’s a letter . It is getting the results I want in terms of making this company listen and take action. The point is they’re assuming such a “assertive” and factual letter must come from a man. I’ve done the same before, exchanged plenty of emails under a “sexless” address and then Spoken to the person on the phone in a follow up and their whole time changes when they realise it’s a women, and a “mature” women at that. I don’t lack assertiveness- I was a senior leader at my company before I retired, and have a lot of experience of unconcious bias. The whole not being taken seriously as a women, or interrupted or dismissed is well observed in research to not be about assertiveness. Im fed up with it. I hide it not because I’m not proud of who I am , but because I’ve been through years and years of this sort of bias. And as for them being embarrassed- so they should be. I’ve not lied it’s them that’s assumed and maybe it will make them think twice about assuming in future