Boy in a skirt in girl's toilets

[NiceTwin]

Now I don't know if I'm outraged with good reason or if I am just old fashioned.

Child started school as a boy, there were a number of complaints of him inappropriately touching girls, not sure if this is of any relevance.

Now year 11 and goes by a girls name, wears a skirt.

There are unisex toilets in school but these are for younger years - Covid has affected toilet allocations.

This person enters the girl's toilets to chat to their friends, never uses the facilities.
My daughter and her friends are uncomfortable with this.

I want to have a chat with school about it, dd is happy for me to do so.

Would I be out of order to do so? Should I just be a bit more accepting of this? I am raging on my dd's behalf.

Having worked in a school previously, those who were identifying as a different gender had access to the disabled toilets, which I thought was an acceptable solution.

I suspect the school may already have a policy in place about it. I didn't realise this, but hanging out in the toilets during breaks is a pretty common thing, even when nobody needs the toilet.

Boy wearing a school uniform skirt in toilets I have no problem with, entering a single sex space reserved for girls only, big problem.

I would be requesting a meeting with the head teacher to discuss the comfort and privacy of the girls at the school, boundaries and how sex is a protected characteristic and that failing to protect that space for girls doesn't foster good relations, under public sector equality duty, between protected characteristics.

Children can't get GRCs but even if this boy could and did have one the proportion of girls (as a physical need) using the girls toilets would outweigh the possible feelings and uniform choice of this boy to achieve a legitimate aim, which would be the safety, privacy, comfort of the girls.

( and telling girls their comfort and privacy doesn't sends a wider message about consent.)

My kids school academy trust are Stonewall champions, so you can imagine what their response would be.

This sort of thing makes my blood boil.

YANBU .

Girls need to feel safe. He needs to use different facilities.

Speak to head and PTA / governors

I’d remind school that they’re technically breaking the law, OP (see p.5)

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/410294/Advice_on_standards_for_school_premises.pdf#page5

Safe Schools Alliance have done a fact sheet on mixed sex toilets

safeschoolsallianceuk.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/singlesextoiletsfactsheet.pdf

Are the school even aware that he is going in there? There's a chance that they might not know as he goes in there (given that his history). I would write them an email in the first instance asking them that and letting them know how it's impacting on your daughter's safety, privacy and dignity and what action they are going to take given the regulations (quote from pdf). Ask them to email you by a given date. If they call you, send an email back highlighting the discussion of the phone call. Do not let them fob you off. Get other parents on board too.

I don't want to scaremonger you but there's an ongoing case in the States where a boy dressed in a skirt molested and raped girls in school toilets.

• that he goes in there.

Sorry for typos.

Thank you all, I have emailed school referencing the relevant legislation and have asked them to call me to let me know what they plan to do.

Now I an raging further!
School think they adhere to the relevant legislation and it is all good.

I pitched my email at the deputy head because I had his email. Everything goes through a central email normally but I don't want the office being privy to it and gossiping.

I will be taking this further @WarOnWoman, any advice?
I have attached the relevant DofE document so he can bring himself up to date with it.

You can still request a meeting, they need to justify how they adhere to the guidance and I would push for an in-person meeting and then you can go to the toilets I question and see for yourself.

Depending on what happens then you can escalate it.

Sometimes HTs think they know the law but if they are following stonewall law or self ID they will be in for a shock when stuff like this lands on their desk. The HT should explain how the school will safeguard girls in the single sex toilets whilst letting boys in based on a skirt and/or self ID and whilst they are breaking the law but not following statutory government guidelines.

@NiceTwin Yes, do as OhHolyJesus suggested. See what they say and how they justify it. Why were parents not consulted? Were the girls consulted? (Is it a Stonewall school? )

Are other girls uncomfortable too? Contact their parents and get them involved. A group of unhappy parents is more effective than 1 parent they can try to fob off.

Thank you @OhHolyJesus, I will wait to see what the comeback is from him reading the DofE document.
I will definitely take this further.

Other parents are as equally outraged and I will ask them to consider complaining too.

School have backed down, the relevant pupil will now be using their gender neutral toikets.

Oh! This is great news! Watching the Loudoun, Virginia case where a boy raped two girls at different times (one in a bathroom), we as parents just push schools to do all they can to protect girls.

*must

We've moved this to the Gender discussion topic now. Thanks.

@LivMumsnet

We've moved this to the Gender discussion topic now. Thanks.

But this is relevant to all mums with kids in school, surely? It's not a discussion of ideology, or feminism, or women's rights. It's a discussion about what happens to children in school. Why does it need to be moved anywhere? Are parents' concerns not what MUMSnet is supposed to be all about?

Where was this posted originally?

@LivMumsnet

We've moved this to the Gender discussion topic now. Thanks.

Who asked for it to be moved?

Yet another post moved to the naughty corner.

Mumsnet, won’t you please let threads like this stay where other mums will see it? It’s not specifically a feminist issue. It’s an issue involving children’s privacy and safety at school. You are wrong to hide it from women whose children may be be encountering the same problems.

NiceTwin, well done for protecting your DD and the other girls by tackling this and persisting till you got it sorted.

Ah yes. The Naughty Step.

Can't have mother's, women, discussing such stuff out in the open.

Who reported it I wonder. A regular poster or a monitor?

This is the reason so many of us who actually use FWR fought against the changes. It was forced upon us by people who objected, were not regular users and is, as anticipated, being used to coral such conversations, to build a single place that can be pointed at with "See, that's all they talk about".

Again, badly done @MNHQ.

@NiceTwin

Now I an raging further! School think they adhere to the relevant legislation and it is all good.

I pitched my email at the deputy head because I had his email. Everything goes through a central email normally but I don't want the office being privy to it and gossiping.

I will be taking this further @WarOnWoman, any advice?
I have attached the relevant DofE document so he can bring himself up to date with it.

Report to ofsted.

They are breaking buildings regulations act on single sex toilets, breeching equality act on single sex spaces and the dfe guidance on equality act and it’s a huge safeguarding risk.

Ofsted were quoted in the time just the other week saying half of all outstanding secondaries will be loosing their rating, some dropping to inadequate. They referenced the peer on peer abuse report, that shows 15000-16000 sexual assaults by peers, 10% under 10 years old, 9/10 perpetrators male and 8/10 victims female. They talked about secondaries in the interview but it will filter down to primaries also.

The Keira Bell high court judgement comes into play also, for the trans child in question, as it says children can not consent to transition, so even if parents support this schools could face law suits if they transition a child.

Email safe schools alliance for support. Use their resources, transgender trend resources, dfe guidance on equality act. Email baroness Nicholson too.

Read the schools grievance procedures and use them. Involve the board of governors and your mp also.

Take action. School are wrong and breaking lots of laws, but they don’t stop until parents take action.

This is not a post about gender ideology or feminism. Please move it back.