What to do if you work or study with a Dolores Umbridge (She/Her) type?

[FindTheTruth]

In larger organisations (For example, Edinburgh Uni, Sussex Uni, Bristol Uni, OU, DfE, M&S etc etc) what do you do if there's a 'Dolores Umbridge (She/Her) type' of person who will come after you if you say anything? Most people are kind, unaware, have good intentions or scared. But what about the type of person who is; a covert narcissist, self righteous, morally superior, completely oblivious, who can embolden students / colleagues, and has an excitement when students/colleagues are 'found out'?

I think it would be very difficult, once such a person has scented blood.

I would start calling her Umbridge.

Get the Weasley twins and Peeves on her case...

Sensible answer, quiet resistance. I'd be scared, as I hate confrontation. But I'd refuse to state my pronouns, stay quiet around her unless driven to speak up, and if she came after me I'd stand my ground. Also try and find likeminded people, so I'd feel like I have allies.

I would (and have) seek to keep contact with her to an absolute minimum. Every email I sent her would be composed like I was Jane Austen tweaking my sentences until they were perfect, and would always have someone else copied in for a spurious reason.

I would be scrupulously, almost laughably polite to her, and if unreasonable demands were made I would comply to the minimum standard possible with baffled good cheer that would make it clear that I was humouring.

I’d also get my story in first. Make sure it was known by the biggest cheese possible that she was gunning for me.

I’d also find allies.

And dig the dirt on her. Just in case.

She's my mother.

You never disagree to her face, always agree. Then when eventually you disagree formally, enemy for life. Nothing else you can do.

I’d probably get into a fight with her because I just can’t resist ...

I’d also get my story in first. Make sure it was known by the biggest cheese possible that she was gunning for me.

This is the most important thing you can do. If if the Big Cheese is a raving TRA, you can site the protection in law re Gender Critical beliefs and they would have no choice but to listen and protect you. (Unless of course they want their institution to be sued for discrimination.)

I’ve been allocated one to work with - though it’s actually a “they” but very obviously female IySWIm. They come across as young, a bit vulnerable and insecure, but also fervently TRA and sure they are right.

Even though it’s working remotely, I’m scared. I am not vocal about being GC with my colleagues, but it would be easy to see where my sympathies lie from my Twitter follows and likes. This person is vehemently anti-t*rf and GC on Twitter, slagging off anyone who dares to engage with them who appears to be GC.

I’m worried this person is going to attack me, confront me or report me. I’m planning to just be polite and friendly and if it blows up I’m hoping that being calm and professional, and reminding anyone who needs it that my views are protected, will suffice. But I can’t be sure what side those in charge would take.

It’s horrible. It’s like having to be scared because you’re an atheist. It’s just wrong.

I'd get the confrontation over and done with asap and I'd win it.

I've said this before; the victim of a bully cannot be the person to challenge the bully. Bullies don't see their victims as fully human and they don't listen to them. They are only concerned about what people they consider to be authority figures think of them.
If a victim challenges a bully, the bully just uses it as ammunition. Bullies are also good at grooming others to do their dirty work for them.
This is why we don't recommend counselling for couples who have an abusive relationship, and why organisations need to have robust anti bullying policies in place. An anti bullying culture is a form of safeguarding for adults.

If you are unable to challenge someone head on, don't agree with them. Its pointless. At some point they'll expect you to join in the mob, and their anger when you refuse (assuming you do) will be worse as they thought you were a compliant ally.

Focus on the aspect of their behaviour that you can challenge, in this case the bullying. You don't even have to challenge them directly.

If you have responsibility within an organisation, you can talk about the need for robust anti bullying, whistleblowing and safeguarding practices. Check what policies the organisation has. Talk about legal liability. Staff turnover, the cost of hiring and training new staff, the cost of losing long term staff and them taking their knowledge with them.

There are a thousand and one ways to challenge a bully but the best one is to create a community culture where they cannot thrive in the first place.

@Alltheprettyseahorses

I'd get the confrontation over and done with asap and I'd win it.

You don't win. You never win.

You can never possibly care as much an an Umbridge would. At some point you don't give up, but you can't fight as hard, or as far because you have the privilege of perspective, and they don't. And if you still think you'd win, are you an Umbridge yourself

PigeonLittle Maybe I am an Umbridge 😉 But I care more about pleasing myself and doing what I see as the right thing than submitting to some malicious bully.

Instead of framing it as a hypothetical situation, could you tell us more about your own situation? I assume you are currently in a work environment with this type of person at the moment?

@EarthSight

Instead of framing it as a hypothetical situation, could you tell us more about your own situation? I assume you are currently in a work environment with this type of person at the moment?

I'm not in the situation now but I was in a government department where the LGBT staff network were blogging and saying things and felt I couldn't say anything. These networks are entrenched TRA's. Most of the people (women) with pronouns in their email (only a few) seemed well intentioned if naive. But a couple of senior in the policy team being advised by Stonewall set my teeth on edge.

The BBC Stonewall thread is discussing what Fran and Greg said to TRAs in this weeks heated zoom call, which is really interesting but they are senior and greg is the director general. support from the top really works. but what can others in similar situations do without support from the top?