My daughter's friends being all these terms I don't understand

[Violet9]

My daughter is in her last year at primary school and she is always telling me about her friends coming out as gay, lesbian, pan, omni, I was quite shocked at first when this started last year in year 5 when they were 10 as it seems so young to be deciding or even knowing about these big things - I might just be naive though! It's really ramped up this year, it seems to me since some of them got phones or access to normal YouTube instead of kids, tiktok, and groups and chats on discord etc on their iPads which most of them have if not a phone now.

Then there's gender - and so many different terms I am clueless about. Demiboy/girl, demifluxboy/girl (non binary I understand but that seems passé now and been replaced with multiple word terms for gender identity), I can't keep up with all the labels if it's ok to call them that? They're still 10-11 and so young, a couple of boys but by far more girls who are saying they're trans, nb, demi boy/girl, lesbian, pan, omni, they don't ever seem to mention being bi for some reason? My daughter says she thinks she's straight as she has a crush on a boy, but we talked about there being no rush to label herself in any way because she's so young and barely has a grasp on what sex is, she said it doesn't have anything to do with sex because someone can be asexual or aromantic and still have a crush on someone. I thought at 10-11 you'd be asexual but without that term anyway - as in not wanting to have sex at such a young age or even thinking about it?! They've barely started puberty or learnt about sex and relationships!
It seems to be fuelled by some of them having these YouTube and tiktok accounts and almost hero worshiping each other, the overriding theme of the videos is gender and / or sexuality with these kids, as I say most of them girls who want to be boys or are demi, nb etc. Am I woefully out of date with kids these days? It just seems so young to me. Here's an example of the videos they post:

I think you have to talk to your kids very young these days around sex, gender, consent and boundaries. Plus it's a rather alien world to many of us - the actual issues are nothing new but the language is and the social pressures and cues are intense.
You won't get far telling your kids they're wrong or their friends are deluded - if you do, you are inadvertantly conforming to an unwritten script that the kids already know and that instantly discredits you! The kids have got to work it out but what we can do, is teach them to think a bit more deeply, respect themselves and ask questions.
I've had many conversations with my DD about free speech (and it's limits) and lots of tangential issues around verifying information, etc. She has to live in a world where many of her peers are steeped in thinking she doesn't agree with. Agreeing to disagree seems particularly hard for this generation.
Social media has an awful lot to answer for and I would say to any parent that they need to be mindful of the harm of things like Ticktock, insta and the like and make sure you know what your kids are consuming online. However mature they are or 'all their friends have it' I would resist as long as you can!

I didn't fancy anyone til i was 14.

I thought there was something wrong with me.

I wish there wasn't the pressure for children to be sexually aware before their brain is capable of it. Never mind sexually active.

These groups pushing this should be sanctioned and should be forced to make the point that a sizeable percentage of children do not have a sexuality at this age.

Because they are children.

@wherethewildthingis

Ask yourself who benefits from a. Primary school age children fixating on who they want to have sex with and thinking this is the most interesting thing about themselves and b. Accepting and perpetuating the idea that to not want to have sex with men /women/people much older than them /trans people makes them narrow minded and boring? All of this before they hit puberty! This is being done to our children in plain sight and I will certainly be resisting it for my son.

Well said.

I find it surprising that their parents allow them unfiltered access to stuff like this, and allow them to have phones or iPads with unlimited access to TikTok etc.

I'm not surprised at all. Many parents seem to have a reckless disregard for the dangers lurking on the Internet. Any site I've ever seen which involves signing up requires users to be 13. Trouble is that it is incredibly easy to lie about one's date of birth.

www.internetmatters.org/hub/esafety-news/tik-tok-app-safety-what-parents-need-to-know/

Social contagion. What a mess.

This trend is so worrying - I feel many schools support children and validate their actions as they go unchallenged. I hope that its just a phase which they grow out of - the reason why its more worrying than other phases is that this can if taken too far result in irreversible damage which at this age they will not be aware of.

When I was at primary - we were mostly just little kids.

We viewed adults as boring old things - girl/boyfriends, kissing, naked bodies, sex? Yukky! Eooowwwww - not snogging!!!

We weren’t in a rush to be pawed and groped by the lads. We wanted to play and go for picnics in the hills on our bikes and paddle in the stream.

It's a fun trend to them:

mobile.twitter.com/libsoftiktok/status/1453036175174873090

The sad thing is that adults take it seriously and encourage the kids to take it seriously. Even going into schools to teach them this nonsense, like it's real. What a complete fuck up.

10? First off the parents need to have some parental controls on their social media. This is extremely young to have unrestricted access to the internet.

Isn’t the age limit on tik tok 13? That’s a red flag that 10yr olds are using it.

It seems a bit young to be o oneself genderless and Omni? Excuse me what?

I think it’s no coincidence that since they have been using social media (YouTube etc) that they are all using these terms.

Do you know what programme of sex Ed was used in their school op?
I recently looked into it for my son and found that some sex Ed programmes that were being used in schools didn’t align with my views on sex and gender and were confusing at best, inaccurate at worst.

I hate to say it’s a trend, because it makes me feel old. However it does seem to be fashionable to need to have some alternative label, which I don’t think is useful for any children.

@wherethewildthingis

Ask yourself who benefits from a. Primary school age children fixating on who they want to have sex with and thinking this is the most interesting thing about themselves and b. Accepting and perpetuating the idea that to not want to have sex with men /women/people much older than them /trans people makes them narrow minded and boring? All of this before they hit puberty! This is being done to our children in plain sight and I will certainly be resisting it for my son.

I agree completely.

It bloody terrifies me having two daughters (one Autistic) coming up to that age. At the moment though we're very much still into "do you want to be my boyfriend" territory where they agree to that and then avoid each other completely on the playground cos boys/girls are still a bit icky!

There's a hell of a cottage industry in making the various "flags" and they tend to use tiktok to promote themselves quite heavily - I'm forever zapping the pronoun angst from my page myself. The kids like tiktok daft videos but they only get to watch them on MY phone, with MY feed set up and with me controlling the phone... YouTube I allow downstairs, without headphones on so I can keep an ear on what they're watching (it's usually brain rotting drivel about Minecraft still thankfully).

OP, I'd raise your concerns about unfettered internet access with the class teacher. The school may be able to provide guidance to parents.

I saw the same thing in my workplace which had a bucket of pins for people to take during Pride Month(s), based on all the different flags. Not a great idea anyway from my POV but it was especially popular with 10-12 year old girls, who all seemed to be lesbians, and were keen to discuss the various flags and their meanings with the people working at the public desk. Which seemed inappropriate to me to discuss with other people's tweens, but what do I know.

And this hits the nail on the head @LobsterNapkin

WHO THE FUCK thinks it's a good idea for little girls and boys to announce their sexual preferences to strangers. And what adult thinks it's an appropriate conversation to participate in with an unknown child?

Corporate sponsored grooming in plain sight.

That said, I'd be advertising to the world that I was 'ace' or a lesbian if it got me out of the expectation of being strangled or anal, which our poor girls seem to be subject to now. I'd have aaaaalll the flags.

groggylegs Yes, it's very awkward. It puts the workers in a very difficult position to have kids asking about things like "what does asexual mean, what does demi-sexual mean".

I am disturbed. Seems a huge percentage of year 7 girls in DD's all girls school are now known by boy names. I mean it doesn't really sit right with me but that's down to upbringing however why is there such a majority and desire to be different. It doesn't seem normal to me... Am I being unreasonable/old fashioned? How do I know how far these girls are going with it all - doesn't appear to be much control from the teachers? Just really concerned at what they're being exposed to. Our internet has blocks on explicit content because I'm sorry but 12 is no age. Advice on how to keep track of it all, how should I be reacting as frankly I'm horrified. 😟

Ask yourself who benefits from
a. Primary school age children fixating on who they want to have sex with and thinking this is the most interesting thing about themselves and
b. Accepting and perpetuating the idea that to not want to have sex with men /women/people much older than them /trans people makes them narrow minded and boring?
All of this before they hit puberty!
This is being done to our children in plain sight and I will certainly be resisting it for my son.

Hmmmmm, you'd almost be forgiven for thinking that it had all been MAPped out already, wouldn't you?

DD friendship group all girls maybe I dunno exactly 7 or 9 girls (girls school). All have a gender ID and/ or sexuality with the new labels.

Started 1st year secondary.

I had a vague conversation with her about sex bodies and you can't change sex. She agreed. I mean it wasn't a lecture but a chat.

Anyway when it comes to her friends I tend to use they as I can't remember. I've not met most of them. So that seems easiest. I also try to use their new names when we chat.

I mean. None are seeing docs or anything it's a tribal thing. I know that is seen as outrageous and dismissive but it's true. No reason imo for me to be an arse about it. They're only young.

My issue is with the adults pushing all this. And the SM scare stuff that's circulated. Suicide, parents hate you, depression etc as a given. Awful. The fact that so many trans people with a voice are pushing this, and so are those who act as allies, is fucking outrageous.

Anyway. I think essentially yes dear that's nice is the best approach if it's that sort of thing.

Blockers/ hormones/ binding/ surgery different.

I said to DD ages ago. I'm shit with names as you know so when your friends have different name (apart from one still old name at school just new name in group) I might not remember.

I remember when I was a teen the different names some friends wanted to be called. I mean it's not new.. No point causing ructions with your own (or other!) children over it. That's my view.

'Not a great idea anyway from my POV but it was especially popular with 10-12 year old girls, who all seemed to be lesbians,'

Safest sexual identity for girls if they need to pick one... Interesting.

I agree with the point about sexuality. Yes gay straight bi many children know young and it used to be handled in a some people fancy one sex or other or both and that's all normal and fine the end.

With the new sexuality labels the thing that for me is just really obvious is that it's all measured against a norm of. A stereotype of extreme male sexuality. Ready to fuck any time anywhere. And just fuck- separated from any other aspects.

Girls often seem to be gray sexual and other terms which mean not up for shagging anything that moves at the drop of a hat.

The blokey shagger is default. Anything else is other.

Want to get to know someone first? Don't constantly want to fuck? Only want to shag someone you like and trust? Well that's a special label for you...

It's a really dodgy subtext for girls/ women and importantly boys/ men who you know. Want an emotional connection first/ don't want to leap into bed immediately/ want to build trust etc.

Plenty of men and boys are not interested in sticking their cock in any passing orifice...

It's all from a male view. And a particular type of male view that is definitely not universal...