Trans by Helen Joyce

[bonbonours]

If you haven't read it yet I recommend it. I am reading it now. Far from being the transphobic rant transactivists would like to think, it is a measured response based on science and research, with sympathy and empathy for trans people.

I am desperate to get some of it across to my daughter's ,15 ( ROGD and currently identifies as male) and 13 (trans ally, TWAW several friends are identifying as non binary or trans).

But I know there's no way they'd read the book. Partly because it's too long, too heavy, too science based. Also because they would read the first page and call it transphobic.

How can I get some of the key points across to them? Is there anything aimed at teens on this stuff that might change their views?

It is a very good book, but in terms of getting through to teenagers, simply stating facts won't help. They are making emotional decisions based on friendships etc. Hopefully as they mature they will grow out of their beliefs. Right now, it's more about them having a sense of belonging to their peers and rebelling against their 'uncool, outdated elders', like every generation, except the gender madness can have serious consequences.

The main focus as a parent is to avoid your daughter from going down any kind of medicalised route. Stick to positive examples of how women and men can challenge and break sexist stereotypes without having to believe this makes them the opposite sex.

Criticising or challenging their emotionally driven beliefs will make them feel like they have to dig their heels in to prove a point. Showing positive and alternative examples might sow seeds of critical thinking in your kids that will grow with time.

Have you had a look at the websites of Transgender Trend and Bayswater Support for resources? Also Lily Maynard talked about listening and talking with her daughter.

You may also find useful advice for yourself in dealing with ROGD teens in the "Gender: A Wider Lens" podcasts.

Thanks. At the moment I am trying to balance keeping generally good relationships with my daughters where we are not arguing all the time and trying to avoid her starting to hate me/stop having anything to do with me/attempt to run away/self harming etc, with keeping her as safe as I can and keeping her away from GIDS as long as humanly possible. I've already lost on her name and wearing a binder and I live my life in fear of what I have to give way on next.

I've already lost on her name and wearing a binder and I live my life in fear of what I have to give way on next.

Very sorry to hear this. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you to be dealing with all of it.

Could you ask them to have a look at some online interviews with detransitioners? They may listen more to people around their own age.

Benjamin Boyce does some good interviews with detransitioners which are usually very eye opening, and conducted in a very empathetic way.