Little kids' questions

[Grellbunt]

Just musings.

I have brought up two kids. When they were very young they'd ask questions.

You know the kind of thing:

"Mummy, why I am I a boy?
Because you have a willy, darling.
Ah, like daddy and [big brother]?
Yes."

"Mummy, what's that in the toilet?
Just some blood. Don't worry, it's normal for women to have that sometimes.
Ah, ok."

It's the most fundamental, obvious stuff. The youngest of kids see it. The very notion that you could say anything else to your kids. It's just mind-boggling.

That is all.

Yes, that's what I say too. What would you say if you believed sex could change? I have no idea.

I suppose you'd tell him that he's not necessarily a boy and it's up to him whether to continue being a boy or not, it's just a state of mind?

And you'd explain that some women menstruate, some men menstruate, some don't?

I wonder what Starmer tells his kids. If they asked him about a cervix, would he just say that some people have a cervix and some don't?

I mean, we lie to kids about Santa, the tooth fairy (I'm not going to comment on religion!) but in those cases we aren't actually asking them to disregard the evidence in front of their own eyes, no? In all of these cases there is simply an absence of physical proof.

Wonder how my son would have mangled that word salad. For months he thought his penis was called a "menand" because one day when I was bathing them, he asked why his twin sister didn't have one ,I said " Men and boys have penises girls and women don't'

I suppose you'd tell him that he's not necessarily a boy and it's up to him whether to continue being a boy or not, it's just a state of mind?

Well, I asked a TRA once how I would define 'boy' to a little child. I mean, we're told that gender identity isn't biological sex (ok, fine). I'm told that it's not gender stereotypes (so I shouldn't say 'you're a boy because you like playing with trucks and dinosaurs' - fine by me, I agree).

But when it came to actually defining how I should help a child figure out their gender identity - ie, the objective criteria by which gender identity can be measured - I was given a very strange answer. I think I was told that I would need to seek professional advice, and there was a list of top secret questions that my child would need to answer. It was all very strange. The poster was unable to share any of the questions with the board due to data privacy or something equally implausible.

This is it, isn't it? How do you explain what gender identity is to a young child with no concept of sex and gender without resorting to crass stereotypes?

My 4yr old: Why am I a girl? Because you were born a girl is my response

How did Kier talk to his children about puberty? Did he tell him all the different things that happen to boys and girls. Then say, we don't know what will happen to you because we don't know where you are on the sex spectrum? Or did he tell them what would happen to them based on their sex but then tell them not to mention that they knew what sex they were outside of the house? I'm very confused by all of this. Do I need to pretend pretend don't know what sex my children are? Am I allowed to say my husband's and my sex because we've had children so it's confirmed? Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

My child came home upset from nursery (yes, nursery) one day, and I just know they'd had that "inclusivity" or whatever euphemism it is talk, because he asked me very concerned
"Mummy, will I always be a boy? I like being a boy, I don't want to change"
I rolled my eyes and felt like ringing up nursery. Said something like "don't worry. You're a boy"
He was really quite upset!

I'd have talked to the nursery about that. Made it clear that they weren't to talk to him about that stuff. Highly inappropriate to put upsetting ideas into a child's head like that. Not got into a debate with them. Just stated that they weren't to do that to your child.

So when my DD came home upset because she had been teased about her dinosaur lunch box (because apparently dinosaurs are for boys...) was I supposed to say 'of course girls can like dinosaurs' or 'maybe you are a boy then?'

I was told that I would need to seek professional advice, and there was a list of top secret questions that my child would need to answer. It was all very strange.

Would that be these top secret questions that are easily Googleable? And that almost all rely on stereotypes?

www.childrenshospital.org/conditions-and-treatments/conditions/g/gender-dysphoria/diagnosis-and-treatment#:~:text=Children%20are%20typically%20diagnosed%20with,typical%20of%20the%20opposite%20gender

Children are very practical. When they find out they grew in mummy's tummy, it does not occur to them to ask how they got there. They want to know how they got out.

Yes I have wondered this too. It's all very well for those of us who have already grown up and received a sensible sex/body education!

I have two primary age DDs. Let's say I want to use the language currently being promoted as inclusive. Can I say that women/girls have a vagina and men/boys have a penis? If not, what should I say?

If I say "some people have a vagina and some people have a penis" will they grow up thinking there is absolutely no way to tell which of their friends etc have which unless they see them naked? Will this be good safeguarding for their future? Or for their understanding of biology?

If my kids knew an individual who was trans I'd be happy to explain that in terms of the individual, in a non-judgemental way. But I still think we need to be allowed to talk about our sexed bodies, puberty etc in a generalised way!

I remember doing a biology lesson at school where we were asked to label the reproductive system of a man and a woman. One of the girls in my class had been paying no attention and so wrote scrotum on the female figure and fallopian tubes on the male, apparently she was just ahead of her time. 🤣

[quote KatieAlcock]I was told that I would need to seek professional advice, and there was a list of top secret questions that my child would need to answer. It was all very strange.

Would that be these top secret questions that are easily Googleable? And that almost all rely on stereotypes?

www.childrenshospital.org/conditions-and-treatments/conditions/g/gender-dysphoria/diagnosis-and-treatment#:~:text=Children%20are%20typically%20diagnosed%20with,typical%20of%20the%20opposite%20gender[/quote]
It was a very bizarre discussion. Other posters will remember it, I'm sure.

I don't suppose the secret questions could have been those in the link, because we were repeatedly assured that gender identity is Definitely Not About Stereotypes.

Nobody can explain what gender identity is, only what it is not.

That's not helpful when trying to explain the concept to a 4-year-old, though.

Nobody can explain what gender identity is, only what it is not.

And it's simultaneously so complex that nobody can describe what it is in a way that educated women can understand,

You could say there is blood because you identify as a woman but don't worry, if you don't want blood you can identify as a man instead and because identifying as a man makes you a man you will then get higher pay, you will be taller, and you find that all the items you come across will be designed especially for you.

Oh god, that video. I'd heard of it before but not seen it. Don't all kids pull clips out of their hair? Mine used to pull hats, gloves and socks off too - were they telling me they were dysphoric about their head, hands and feet and wanted those removed? What utter bollocks!!

@DisappearingGirl

Oh god, that video. I'd heard of it before but not seen it. Don't all kids pull clips out of their hair? Mine used to pull hats, gloves and socks off too - were they telling me they were dysphoric about their head, hands and feet and wanted those removed? What utter bollocks!!

Bollocks and soooo rooted in the cultural norms of western society in the late 20th/early 21st century.

Look at babies in the early 20th century. They all wore dresses! Look at the frilly christening gowns! Boys wore them too. Victorian Christmas cards show infant boys with long ringlets.

Look at the traditional clothes worn by men in other parts of the world. Very dress-like, some of them.

The idea that an infant 'unsnaps his onesie' to emulate being a girl is just utter, utter nonsense.