Sad tradition of swearing to give up your womanhood

[MsAmerica]

Like entering a convent in the Middle Ages.

Last of the burrnesha: Balkan women who pledged celibacy to live as men
Diana is a burrnesha, one of Albania's last sworn virgins, women who opted to live as men to escape the domination of a patriarchal system, at the cost of taking a vow of virginity and chastity. The motives for such a choice were exclusively social, not prompted by sexuality or any physical changes.
www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/05/women-celibacy-oath-men-rights-albania

With more freedom, young women in Albania shun tradition of ‘sworn virgins’
Few women today want to become what anthropologists call Albania’s “sworn virgins,” a tradition that goes back centuries. They take an oath of lifelong celibacy and enjoy male privileges, like the right to make family decisions, smoke, drink and go out alone.
www.ekathimerini.com/nytimes/1165959/with-more-freedom-young-women-in-albania-shun-tradition-of-sworn-virgins/

There's an interesting novel about this published a few years ago by And Other Stories: www.andotherstories.org/sworn-virgin-2/

I'm not sure I would call it sad.
Whilst it's still freedom within patriarchy, these people get to live the life of their choice. What is interesting is that it's respected by both men and women.

What would be somewhat better is if women could live totally as free as men , with the right to sex as well as other choices

Another example whereby it's ensured women who don't conform don't reproduce

This is an example of how these other “genders” touted by some genderists as evidence of open-mindedness and non-binaryness in some traditions/cultures, are actually about preserving gender roles by having a space to put people who don’t fit in. I think nunneries and monasteries served the same purpose in many Christian societies. Of course it’s better for the person than persecution and/or death and allows them to live an easier life and contribute to society, but it’s not freedom and yes the point about making sure they don’t reproduce has occurred to me too, and how we’re seeing it now with non-fitters-in being transed

The limits on reproduction is an interesting one.
I think we need to be wary of seeing abstinence as only a negative choice. Not everyone wants to have sex or children. This may be especially pertinent in a society with less choices and opportunities for contraception. Being freed from the burden of child birth and child rearing enabled such as nuns to access more education.
I thought it was notable in the article that the person who was alone had outlived all her female siblings.

@midgemagneto

What would be somewhat better is if women could live totally as free as men , with the right to sex as well as other choices

Another example whereby it's ensured women who don't conform don't reproduce

That was my thinking too.

It seems to all hark back to the woman as temptress myth. Only if a woman swears to give up her means of temptation can she be permitted her freedoms.

Except we don't have the same freedoms as we risk pregnancy.

Without contraception sex is not an equal playing field.

You are digging a hole

What if the person wanted to sweat snd have children? No man was stuck with that choice

Women risk pregnancy that men , due to lack of societal obligation , can walk away from

I think we need to be wary of seeing abstinence as only a negative choice.

Yes that's true, and sometimes part of the not fitting in may be not wanting to have children or maybe not wanting to have sex. But the option of becoming a nun/sworn virgin doesn't give you the choice - it comes with celibacy (or, in practice, probably the option of same-sex relationships, which is a great solution if that's what you want).

The bad part is that it's not a free choice - you can't be a GNC woman who happens to be straight and even want kids and just get to live a free life.

Actually that is what I have done with my life, having grown up in the 80s when gender stereotypes were being massively challenged and broken down, we had a female monarch and PM (not endorsing the monarchy or the tories, just pointing out how it looked to me as a small child) and although I felt some efforts to restrict me, I also felt free to not conform to a feminine stereotype.

But now, I would definitely be being pushed towards being trans and ending up infertile. It's as if society found a way to put girls like me back out of circulation.

I also wonder if the virginity vow is specific to sex with men...
Nuns can leave.
I'm not intentionally digging a hole. But I am trying to see this from a different perspective. This may have been a reasonable and valid choice for some people, within the framework of this society. It does offer non conforming women an alternative. It may not be a perfect one, but would unfettered childbirth be a good one either?
It also seems to be a dying traditional, so not being held up as something still in widespread use.
I wonder if as a young woman, in a society where arranged marriage was still common, I am presuming contraception less freely available, and multiple childbirth was the norm, would many choose the alternative?

It may not be a perfect one, but would unfettered childbirth be a good one either?

Yes, the choices to have or not to have children need to be valued equally in all societies. I do think that women without children tend to be pitied or not seen as real, complete women. There are so many tropes of the bitter spinster, maiden aunt, old maid and the like.

Within the framework of a patriarchal society

A society that favours men

It's the best choice from a restricted set of choices based on sex assumptions

@Beamur

I'm not sure I would call it sad. Whilst it's still freedom within patriarchy, these people get to live the life of their choice. What is interesting is that it's respected by both men and women.

Seems sad to me on two counts:

First, that women's lives are clearly so unpleasant that there grew a formalized way to opt out.

Second, that is has to be formalized at all, as opposed to someone just informally experimenting and trying to life her life as it suits her.

It wasn't unique to Albania. Chinese amahs were the same. They took a vow of celibacy and the only way they could have children was to adopt them. These were (unsurprisingly) usually (always?) girls and we brought up by retired amahs back at the kongsi (a term used both for a communal property and the people who regarded it as home) while the adopted mothers worked as domestic servants. These girls were generally trained in a trade of some sort (hairdressing for example) and would then help to support their adopted mother as she grew old.

Amahs were very often hundreds of miles away from their natal families, so their kongsi and any adopted daughter were the only functional family they had.

@QueenPeary

I think we need to be wary of seeing abstinence as only a negative choice.

Yes that's true, and sometimes part of the not fitting in may be not wanting to have children or maybe not wanting to have sex. But the option of becoming a nun/sworn virgin doesn't give you the choice - it comes with celibacy (or, in practice, probably the option of same-sex relationships, which is a great solution if that's what you want).

The bad part is that it's not a free choice - you can't be a GNC woman who happens to be straight and even want kids and just get to live a free life.

Actually that is what I have done with my life, having grown up in the 80s when gender stereotypes were being massively challenged and broken down, we had a female monarch and PM (not endorsing the monarchy or the tories, just pointing out how it looked to me as a small child) and although I felt some efforts to restrict me, I also felt free to not conform to a feminine stereotype.

But now, I would definitely be being pushed towards being trans and ending up infertile. It's as if society found a way to put girls like me back out of circulation.

Seems clear to me that any time a person swears to give up anything - sex, alcohol, chocolate - it's a decision to abandon something positive in favor of a situation that feels negative.