Advice needed for 12-year-old girl

[helpforayounggirl]

Hi everyone,

I know you're a friendly bunch, so I'm looking for a bit of a hand-hold for a friend of mine. Her granddaughter is 12. The girl has very few friends in the real world (school, village). She has been at home over the summer holidays. She's basically been glued to her phone the whole time. Snapchat and other things. She's into Manga and Cosplay. She likes dressing up in wigs, costumes and drawing pictures etc.
She has now said she wants to be non-binary (and/or a boy - depending on the day) and is trying to bind her breasts by herself.

Her mother and father don't seem to know what's going on. They're not very present. They work a lot and the kids are left with my friend more often than not.

Her grandmother (my friend) is also lost. She's of a different generation. I'm 42 and this sort of thing didn't happen in "my day", but my friend is 65. She's in shock. I've explained that she really needs to arm herself with some more knowledge on this. I'm very concerned about what's going on.

I'm looking for some resources to help them. Something that explains all this in layman's terms. I have the Abigail Shrier Irreversible Damage book, but I think it might be a bit heavy-going for this family.

We're in France. So, I don't think she'll be encouraged in this behaviour in school (we're a bit behind the times here). But she's lost to the Internet. Something has happened here.

My own DD is 4. I've been gender-critical for a while and my sister has always told me I'm overreacting given that we live in the middle of nowhere and that this will never affect my DD. But it's here now. And my friend's family isn't equipped to deal with it.

She needs to get her away from the phone! Such nonsense on there.

None binary means just rejecting gender norms

There should be no reason to change your physical body , that suggests you assume someone's internal core essence is determined by their body which as a none binary you should know is not true

So binding ... , it's about trying to convince others that you should nof br expected to fit those norms

If people can't take you as you are but expect you to change your body , they are bad people . Conversion of any kind is bad

Binding is very bad for your health .

As a young child however many don't want a female shaped body and all the grief that comes with it

And tbh if surgery and hormones were harmless I'd be at them

The phone needs to go.

But she might try reading on Transgender Trend.

Maybe try to find some decent female role models. None of these asexual (because they what they look like) k-pop type folx.

Hi OP, you might find some useful episodes of the podcast Stella O'Malley & Sasha Ayad have: podcasts.apple.com/ie/podcast/gender-a-wider-lens-podcast/id1542655295

You could also contact Stella or Sasha and ask them if they can recommend suitable material & resources.

Can your friend persuade her granddaughter to take up an outdoor hobby, that would get her away from the internet for a while? I'm trying to remember the name of the woman who used to sometimes write for 4th Wave Now, she had a young daughter who identified as trans for a while and she's written about how she dealt with it. It was very much about talking it through with the kid, helping her explore her own feelings rather than contradicting her.

I would be curious about what she has been looking at, some more control over the phone access would be wise. Manga/anime has some very dark places - it's not all Pokémon out there..
No binding is safe. If she's feeling self conscious about her breasts, look into a well fitted bra.

Thank you! The Transgender Trend site is exactly what I was hoping to find. Thank you!

mermoose are you thinking of Lily Maynard?

I think your friend should check out the GDSN www.genderdysphoriasupportnetwork.com or else Genspect www.genspect.org to get a list of support meetings out there. There are loads of concerned grandparents and she doesn't need to be alone

I am not a parent, but I also have seen
genspect.org/
recommended by parents here and elsewhere.

I myself was fascinated by these stories:
quillette.com/2021/04/02/when-sons-become-daughters-parents-of-transitioning-boys-speak-out-on-their-own-suffering/
These are about boys becoming girls, but the fact that these accounts are written by parents who were also "clueless" when their children first brought this ideology home may outweigh that.

Get your friend to read up on autism in girls. From my experience this cross over is significant and her behaviour and hobbies match too. May not be of course but worth considering. Autism has so many stereotypes which is why so many women and girls go undiagnosed.

Julian Vigo recently interviewed two women from Genderspect on her Savage Minds podcast. It was really good. podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/savage-minds-podcast/id1535634480?i=1000533897008

VortexofBloggery I can't remember her name but it's not Lily Maynard, I follow her too. This woman was on Twitter a lot but I haven't seen her for a good while - she had her photo as her profile pic, long straight hair. I think she said her daughter was very young when she started thinking she was trans. She (the mother) didn't know what to think so she supported her but encouraged her to question it and thankfully before the kid was much into her teens she'd decided she wasn't trans.

Some great resources given! 4th wave is one of the earliest sites supporting parents and kids, also Maynard’s site and of course Transgendertrend.

Litman studies on this phenomenon that has all the signs of social contagion are also interesting read. She came up with the ROGD acronym.

Parents of ROGD (rapid onset gender Dysphoria) children you can email them, uk based.
www.parentsofrogdkids.com/

Also gendercriticalresources.com/Support/

Remember the child is more than just trans, do not focus too much on that aspect. Limit online exposure, buy time and encourage outdoors activities would be my advice.