Pronouns

[leafinthewind]

DD (12) wears her hair short and goes by a unisex shortening of her name. She can't easily be mistaken for a boy, though, because of her body-shape.

She's at a sporty summer activity this week. She was asked for her pronouns four times on the first day. She was amused, and reported this back to me in the same way that she used to report being mistaken for a boy (before her breasts grew). I'll bet that no-one matching all the sex stereotypes was asked, though. To me, it's just another way of telling her that she's not meeting society's expectations of women and girls. She's strong enough to have been resisting this shit since she cut her hair five years ago, but it still makes me crazy. I just wanted to say that aloud somewhere. 3/4 of the askers were other kids - so I don't want anyone to get the idea that I think this is being done 'on purpose'. This is mostly kids being kids - but they're being primed by adults, and I don't like it.

Hair is an odd one. My dd2 (short pixie cut) was referred to as he / him recently, despite wearing very clearly gendered clothing (unicorn t-shirt and the style of short shorts that are sold in the girls section). But the hair clearly over-rode all that.

She’s only 10, and already know about trans issues from playground talk. She has no SM, but it seems like a significant minority of her peers do have it, and probably unrestricted internet access to go with it. So I assume that’s where it’s coming from.

At secondary level it comes from school, AnUnlikelyCombination. The kids don't mean to imply that short hair on girls is wrong - it's just now it comes out. Because they recognise that only a tiny minority of girls cut their hair that way.

DS has long hair and delicate features and people always think he's a girl. He's not fussed, and just tells people that he's a boy when he introduces himself. They've been doing it since he was tiny. He's good friends with a girl who is often mistaken for a boy - they quite like confusing people, and think it's funny.