Age of puberty onset and body image

[trancepants]

When I'm reading about women's gender issues many people talk about how unhappy they were through puberty. How much they hated the changes to their body. And I feel no connection to that. I was excited by puberty. I felt constant frustration at how slow mine was. I spent years asking my mother to buy me a bra and she wouldn't because I didn't need one. Eventually when I was 14 she relented and bought me a couple, which I think were 28AA, for no other reason than I just really wanted them as I hated changing at school and wearing a half vest instead of a bra.

I didn't get my period until I was 16 so by the time it started I just felt immense relief. I knew my mother's started at 15 and my maternal grandmother's at 16. So I had hoped I'd continue the downward trend and start at 14. Then 15. I was so frustrated when my younger friends all started having periods before I did. My mum used to tell me I was lucky to not have to deal with periods at a younger age, which I just didn't believe as I wanted to be like my friends. When mine did eventually start I didn't even tell my friends for a few months as it just felt like old news at that stage.

While I'd been having changes in my breast from 11 and a half, they weren't changes that would have been obvious to anyone but me. Up to about 14, they weren't visible under any of my clothes and even then, only in tight t-shirts. When I was 16 going on 17, they suddenly started to grow and kept increasing, (around the same time my hips started widening) so by the time I was 19 I was wearing a 32F bra. And apart from how difficult it was to buy a bra in a narrow rib/high cup combination, I was pretty delighted with them. I would often be in a specialist bra shop/department and see younger women bra shopping, often with their mothers, who clearly hated their bigger breasts. And it was alien to me.

I couldn't identify with hating your body. I loved how I looked. As a young adult I found my figure very empowering. So as not to dripfeed, I do have a facial disfigurement from birth, so I possibly felt a massive relief at my body becoming more noticeable than my face. I'm also quite short, so my body shape making it obvious that I was an adult woman and not a child was also very welcome. But overall, I think the number one reason that I found puberty so comfortable and, frankly, desirable was the age at which it started and how long it took for it to ramp up. I have friends with daughters who's puberty is well underway before they have entered their teens and that honestly sounds horrific. Children with full, monthly periods at an age before I ever felt even the slightest change in my chest.

I think maybe, as puberty is starting earlier on average, if we should have some sort of education programme that focusses on how early puberty can maybe increase the likelihood of mental discomfort in your body. (At least in girls, I have no real idea how this effects boys.) Something to help teachers and parents help their students and daughters who are experiencing these changes maybe earlier than we did. And something to make boys and men cop the fuck on in how they treat pubescent girls and keep puberty and emerging sexual feelings more normalised.

I have read that puberty on average starts just under a year earlier than it did 50 years ago.
Better diet maybe or perhaps exposure to hormones from outside sources ? I'm not sure.

There is a lot more information and freely available resources now though.

There will always be people struggling with puberty though.
I know I did, I had an awful time. I would have benefitted from having someone to talk to although I'm not sure that I would have been able to share at that age.

I do think it's hardest for the girl who hits puberty young and is the first to grow breasts and has her period at 9 or 10. She is often half or a whole head taller than her friends, too, so it's no use trying to disappear. Alongside this she almost certainly experiences catcalling or worse on her way to and from school in her little girl school uniform. How is a child meant to cope with that at 9 or 10 years old?

I came through school a full year younger than my cohort having skipped a grade when we emigrated. (I was the age for Grade 1 but could already read and write, so I was promoted to Grade 2 by morning recess on my first day. By the third day, I'd read all the Grade 2 reading books and sat with the last one in front of me for an hour every morning for a term and a half.) Hence I was the last in my year to shoot up, grow breasts and start my period when I was just 14. I do think that was an easier ride!

@Imasoulman

I have read that puberty on average starts just under a year earlier than it did 50 years ago. Better diet maybe or perhaps exposure to hormones from outside sources ? I'm not sure.

There is a lot more information and freely available resources now though.

There will always be people struggling with puberty though.
I know I did, I had an awful time. I would have benefitted from having someone to talk to although I'm not sure that I would have been able to share at that age.

Increased BMI is another reason as a higher BMI tends to lead to earlier onset of puberty. I know that even 50 years ago, I'd have been considered a late starter though. And people definitely talked about it a lot more. I used to read a lot of Judy Blume books from when I was 12 onwards and the kids in those were largely pleased to go through puberty even though they were fairly honest about the negative aspects too. And there was even a Sweet Valley Twins book when the twins got their periods which made it sound like a very desirable thing. Jessica being jealous that Elizabeth got hers first. Teen magazines were full of articles about periods as well as informational adverts.

I feel like, at least in this part of the world, my generation was the first that really discussed puberty and had access to lots of information about what was happening. We used to have lots and lots of lessons and talks about puberty and sexual development across a range of subjects in school. All very factual. And we also had representatives from Tampax and Always come into the school and do talks and give us information packs with lots of free samples. I even won a giant box with years worth of pads at school when I was 14. I remember standing at the top of the class at lunch time giving a lot of them away because I didn't need them. Then taking the rest home for my mother. And there were still some left when I got my period, so there must have been a massive amount of them. (I'm a bit [hmmm] at the thought of being marketed to in school now, but I think overall it was more good than bad to have had these talks.)

My main impression of puberty when I was growing up was that it was a good and desirable thing. It seemed exciting and something to look forward to a celebrate. I know a lot of that was probably because I wasn't actually experiencing it. And that maybe my friends who lorded their earlier starts over me, were in part doing so because they didn't actually enjoy what they were experiencing.

I didn't really like puberty much at all, because I just felt that my body looked odd- I was much more comfortable when I had pretty much fully developed. That in between stage is weird and I didn't like it

I started my periods at 12. I was lucky because they were fine.

My 8 yr old has been learning about puberty in school recently which I think is great. I've tried to discuss things with her at home too but she's the kind of child who likes to ask questions and will only really listen if she's specifically shown interest. I'd hoped leaving tampons out in the bathroom would prompt her but it hasn't. I think it's great they do this earlier in school, we were in yr 6 when we covered this and it's too late imo.

My daughter is 10.5 and started her period a few months ago. She has (I suspect) b cup boobs but is more comfortable in a crop top than a softcup bra because the majority of girls in her class don’t have any sign of boobs yet. Body image is becoming an issue as she develops hips and a waist. She’s conscious of blemishes on her face. She’s a good foot taller than most of her class mates. She doesn’t want to stand out at this age, and I can’t blame her. (At 13 I was having “who’s the tallest competitions with classmates during school photos .)

I can completely see how young girls today wish away these changes and are mentally vulnerable to suggestions that it can be taken away/delayed.

I can completely see how young girls today wish away these changes and are mentally vulnerable to suggestions that it can be taken away/delayed.

Yes I agree with this- especially when they are exposed to the likes of Emma Corrin and her attention seeking breast binding. If they seen grown women doing this and showing so much hatred to their bodies, what are they supposed to think?

I think they need to understand puberty from a young age, for it to be totally normalised for them, the fact that it can be crap should be acknowledged too. And then they need to see positive examples, of women who are proud of their bodies. Who got through puberty and are accepting and happy with their bodies.

This feeds in to the wider issue of women's health needing to be taken far more seriously. And not just rubbished as being 'women's' problems'.

Totally. I was a DD cup by age 13 and am a J now. She comes from a maternal family of very strong and big-breasted women, and I encourage openness in conversation and honesty in response. Her face when her period came for the second time and she asked “will this really happen every month?” made me yearn for the toddler stage again.

Luckily she has a very scientific brain and so if someone suggests a boy can become a girl she’s the first to question that. She has grown up without stereotypes (at home) and I will address them when they happen elsewhere - luckily most of her teachers have been on the same page, but one did get the sharp end of my tongue when she advised me 8 year old girls didn’t like maths or football (DD loved both and finished the primary maths curriculum during the first lockdown.)

I fear for the tidal wave that’s likely to hit at secondary school. But my heckles are up and I’m not at all afraid for her to understand why.

I think part of the issue for puberty in young women is it's speed. I can remember being mistaken for my brother's younger brother continually and then six months later no one ever being able to reasonably make that mistake. It's a lot to take in in a relatively short space of time.
Also of course for women a lot of these changes are highly visible and do get a lot of comments. Also I feel that by the time a girl is old enough to draw the male eye, she's considered old enough to take responsibility for it too. It's a very confusing and quite intimidating process for anyone but especially if you have to go through it at a younger than usual age.

@crosshatching

I think part of the issue for puberty in young women is it's speed. I can remember being mistaken for my brother's younger brother continually and then six months later no one ever being able to reasonably make that mistake. It's a lot to take in in a relatively short space of time. Also of course for women a lot of these changes are highly visible and do get a lot of comments. Also I feel that by the time a girl is old enough to draw the male eye, she's considered old enough to take responsibility for it too. It's a very confusing and quite intimidating process for anyone but especially if you have to go through it at a younger than usual age.

Mine dragged on for quite a bit but the absolute biggest changes to how I looked happened from when I was late 16-early 17. I didn't see it at the time but I was in a relationship at the time with a man who was 20. And in hindsight, I feel very uncomfortable because I think it was more my pubescent appearance that he was with me for. Once I started looking more 'womanly' he dumped me and began a relationship with a friend, a year younger, who had a less developed body. And I discovered over the years that even into his late 20s he kept 'dating' 16 year olds.

I used to think it was a control thing. It was easier for him to control a 16 year old. But I do wonder with hindsight that he also had a preference for pubescent girls. When we started dating he was 19 and I was 16, which isn't great but we had shared hobbies and he and his friends preferred movies and late night cafes to pubs and clubs. So us being in a relationship seemed fairly acceptable. But looking back at how very, very young I looked at 16 does make me seriously question how his attraction to me could have been legitimate.

I was the same, started at 15 and a half. I don't remember having many feelings about puberty one way or the other, really. The only time I remember noticing I was late was when another girl asked me for a spare tampon one time - I obviously didn't have one and do remember thinking vaguely, "oh, yeah, that's something most girls would have by now... huh."

In terms of body image, again, I don't remember thinking much about it at all, but then, I didn't experience major changes. I was a skinny kid, breasts on the small side of average, hips widened a bit, nothing drastic to deal with. I don't even remember noticing or caring about body hair. I do remember caring a lot about music and books and films, and I liked experimenting with make up (started an eyeliner habit that has never gone away!)

I think back then (1990s) there was less pressure on looks. Lots of girls had short hair or bobbed hair, make up was a fun thing but optional, clothing was influenced by your "tribe" - grunge, goth, townie - and from what I recall was usually quite practical and comfy (flannel shirts and army surplus featured heavily in my wardrobe). I remember one girl with very long, princessy hair as an exception, rather than a rule.

My own dd started periods at 12, which seemed young to me, but is average, I guess.

You might be right about the timing. I was a fairly late developer compared to my friends, despite being chubby. Then when I was nearly 14 I went from completely flat to D cups in a fortnight! My periods took another year.

I was so desperate to grow up that I loved having boobs.

My daughter is starting breast development at 9 which I find incredibly early and she utterly hates and fears it. She wants to be a kid forever, so it's taking a lot of reassurance. I've bought her period pants in pretty colours and some crop tops for when she needs them, but she is so very resistant.

I don't know. My dd was very much like the OP, and she, too, was excited and positive about the changes happening in her body. Until her periods began a few months before she turned 16. Within months she had totally embraced the trans ideology and declared herself on-binary. It's very clear that she is comfortable in her body and finds it beautiful. Not that she would agree! But I do wonder whether what she would call her dysphoria is actually PMT, because she goes through regular phases of self-hatred and rejection of femininity. She doesn't like it when I tell her that it is perfectly normal to dislike your period, that many if not most women dislike their periods.

I do think it's hardest for the girl who hits puberty young and is the first to grow breasts and has her period at 9 or 10. She is often half or a whole head taller than her friends, too, so it's no use trying to disappear. Alongside this she almost certainly experiences catcalling or worse on her way to and from school in her little girl school uniform. How is a child meant to cope with that at 9 or 10 years old?

That was my experience. I was 5'6 by the age of 10 or so. Add in being one of the youngest in the class (late July birthday), going to school on a British Army base and spending most of the rest of the time on an RAF base...puberty was hellish. I despised every single bloody second of it.

One of my earliest puberty memories is waiting in an RAF base cafe after Brownies for my dad to collect me. It was winter and I had a purple coat on over my uniform. A voice behind me said "look at the legs on that" and I turned around to look at whoever they were talking about to find six squaddies staring at me. The staring didn't stop when they realised I was a child and neither did the conversation. By the time my first period arrived a few months later, my dad's squadron called me "jailbait". I'm 43 now and still very uncomfortable in my skin.

I used to sleep on my front and fantasise about crushing my breasts out of existence. I tried tying them down and dieting. It didn't stop the attention.

She doesn't like it when I tell her that it is perfectly normal to dislike your period, that many if not most women dislike their periods.

I can't imagine anyone liking their periods.

I can't imagine anyone liking their periods.

Some don't mind. Many are simply resigned to this reality of life. Some are happy, because they don't want to be pregnant. But actually like their period? No, I can't imagine it, either.

I have come to maybe not like, but to appreciate mine. It's arrival to me means that everything is working more-or-less as it should. I used to suffer from bad cramps and horrendous hormonal acne when I was younger though, so never imagined then I'd feel the way I do now.

The OP resonates with me. I am busty but was flat chested till I was 15 or 16, and I’ve never felt any dislike or ambivalence towards my breasts - I’ve talked before with friends who are busty and developed early who feel very differently.

I also didn’t mind my periods when I got them at 14, but I’m lucky in having a light flow and not much pain. Very lucky, really, I was a bit spacey and I think you need to be organised and together to cope with difficult periods.

I wouldn’t say I like my period, but I actually appreciate the couple of days of being more annoyed than usual. It helps me become more conscious of my unconscious patterns, and let them go!

I don't mind mine and appreciate how lucky I am that I've never suffered really heavy or painful periods.

I like them for the reassurance that I'm not pregnant I suppose.

Interesting point op. I was similar - I was 14, almost 15 when periods started and it was a relief. I was no longer the odd one out! There's no doubt that a 15 year old is going to find the onset of menstruation a lot easier to deal with than a 9 or 10 year old.

And (from the outside, at least) male puberty looks so easy in comparison. Grow a lot taller, get a lot stronger. A bit of embarrassment from a few squeaky voice moments and whether you can grow a moustache. Not exactly comparable to what girls go through. Plus the added bonus of growing into an adult male - the socially and physically dominant player.

It's not hard to see why girls want to opt out. And that's without even considering the massive impact of sexual harassment.

I wonder whether the order of development also matters.

I got quite chubby and then suddenly got boobs. I felt big and awkward like an elephant. I grew taller about a year later and stopped being chubby, but my self confidence never really recovered.

Lots of other girls got tall and skinny first, and then developed boobs and hips later on. I've always thought that that would have been a nicer way to grow into my adult body - although people with that experience might not agree!

I got tall (though was always a tall child) then boobs, then hips, then period, then more boobs and hips (and arse!).

You were lucky! Try getting them at 10 years old! When none of your classmates had theirs and so had no idea what you were going through and stared at you and mocked/followed you when you (so you thought) discreetly put a pad in your uniform dress pocket to go to the toilet. I felt like a freak! A few more years of innocence is all I wanted. And having size c breasts at 11.

I would have almost died to trade places with you!

That’s my daughter now. At the moment period pants/swimming costumes mean only those she feels comfortable with knowing know, and no faffing with pads etc. They’re really fabulous, but I do with she wasn’t going through it so early.

I was 9 when my puberty started, 10 when I got my period - and I hated it. I hated the attention, I hated the creepy uncle who commented on the "titties", I especially hated my irregular and heavy periods. I decided I wanted to be a boy called Peter.

Thank heavens it was the 1980s so I wasn't fast tracked to blockers and hormones and such - I came out of my teenage years and ended up a regular straight woman and much later a mom.

@Zeev

I was 9 when my puberty started, 10 when I got my period - and I hated it. I hated the attention, I hated the creepy uncle who commented on the "titties", I especially hated my irregular and heavy periods. I decided I wanted to be a boy called Peter.

Thank heavens it was the 1980s so I wasn't fast tracked to blockers and hormones and such - I came out of my teenage years and ended up a regular straight woman and much later a mom.

And I am not saying that it's great to end up as a straight woman, I am saying that was what I always WAS, and had I been believed when I thought my discomfort with my bodily changes meant I was meant to be someone else, I would have ended up with interventions not good for me.