Feeling sadness around Pride

[TherightsideofHERstory]

Probably a shit title but I’m struggling to articulate this. I live in a town that is not very diverse, market town, very white, quite high levels of deprivation and accompanying social issues. We have never had a celebration for Pride until this year.

My first reaction was that it’s long overdue and good on the organisers.

For context, I’m middle aged and in a heterosexual relationship, although I have had sexual relationships with women in the past.

On checking out their website it’s just one after another personal story from people coming out as non binary, a few gay men but not many. If I was a younger lesbian or bi woman there would be literally nothing to represent me.

Now it could be that local lesbians have seen the proliferation of the non binary stuff (lots of brave and stunning obvs.) and have chosen not to engage but I just feel sad, especially for very young women.

The other disappointment is that the events seem to be nothing but drag acts, I appreciate there’s a long standing tradition with Pride and drag , but it’s something that I increasingly dislike (appreciating that’s my issue and I’m not their intended audience) but also I know my town well and guarantee that the events will be almost exclusively attended by straight women, kind of like a giant hen party rather than a real celebration of LGB.

Apologies, as I said, not very articulate but hard to talk to anyone IRL here and just needed to get it out.

Sorry to hear that you are feeling isolated and sad about how events like Pride marches have transformed into something unrecognisable and unrelatable.

These events could have been a force for good as there are still so many towns and cities where there's a lot of misunderstanding or prejudice around lesbian, gay and bisexual people, but all it ever revolves around is drag stuff (which is a very niche section of gay sub-culture) and the 100 gender types. It just reinforces the idea in many straight people minds that the "LBGT+ community" is like some random collection of circus performers that no one can relate to, as opposed to average people leading average lives who just happen to be lesbian, gay or bisexual.

I came to the realisation that I was bisexual fairly late in life and I've been to a couple of pride marches, and tried all sorts of LGBT groups. It's all the same types of people with the same mindsets. The bisexual groups keep erasing the sexuality part and framing it as a gender thing. It feels very isolating and I'd hate to be a young lesbian or bisexual woman today as it must be so confusing being obsessed with these superfluous labels and identities. At least I am old enough to not be gaslighted into believing bisexuality is about attraction to two or more genders. 🙄🙄 But I nearly did as it was the message in all the groups I joined.

I don't know where you live, but have you checked to see if there's an LGB Alliance in your country?
Towards the end of this webpage is a list of the countries that have a group. Maybe you could get in touch with them.
lgballiance.org.uk/about/

[quote NonnyMouse1337]Sorry to hear that you are feeling isolated and sad about how events like Pride marches have transformed into something unrecognisable and unrelatable.

These events could have been a force for good as there are still so many towns and cities where there's a lot of misunderstanding or prejudice around lesbian, gay and bisexual people, but all it ever revolves around is drag stuff (which is a very niche section of gay sub-culture) and the 100 gender types. It just reinforces the idea in many straight people minds that the "LBGT+ community" is like some random collection of circus performers that no one can relate to, as opposed to average people leading average lives who just happen to be lesbian, gay or bisexual.

I came to the realisation that I was bisexual fairly late in life and I've been to a couple of pride marches, and tried all sorts of LGBT groups. It's all the same types of people with the same mindsets. The bisexual groups keep erasing the sexuality part and framing it as a gender thing. It feels very isolating and I'd hate to be a young lesbian or bisexual woman today as it must be so confusing being obsessed with these superfluous labels and identities. At least I am old enough to not be gaslighted into believing bisexuality is about attraction to two or more genders. 🙄🙄 But I nearly did as it was the message in all the groups I joined.

I don't know where you live, but have you checked to see if there's an LGB Alliance in your country?
Towards the end of this webpage is a list of the countries that have a group. Maybe you could get in touch with them.
lgballiance.org.uk/about/[/quote]
No point joining LGB alliance. They simply hate on trans people rather than actually do anything for L, G or B.

Kind of a weird group.

As for prides, well they kinda evolve. More for your queer people who are still coming to terms with their identity. Older peeps do go along to support them and meet friends :)

My advice: don't worry about gender issues. Just let the younger peeps get on with their thing, and they will find their way!

Hear and agree. I'm very involved in various pride things, and have really had to work hard to sidestep the constant stream of drag queens (including a bizarre 'name the drag queen for Pride' quiz on which one of the prominent people was Barry Humphries, a straight man, which I felt rather compelled to point out) and endless infopacks on lots of different identity flags.

It's incredibly difficult to steer the focus back onto sexual orientation, either as a celebration or as a protest for the places there still aren't genuine parity for LGB people with heterosexuals, and that's really quite depressing.

But I sort of had an epiphany earlier this year, especially with the proliferation of the Progress flag. I mean, I despise the Progress Pride flag. The idea that the rainbow, chosen to cover the entire spectrum of human sexuality, isn't enough and has to be stanped with a sexist and racist triangle just says everything about a movement with brands itself with the Q slur, imo.
But it does mean they don't want the rainbow flag anymore, which I think is a ckear win, and I feel more positive about the rainbow than I have in ages. There's a lot of talk about reclaiming things, usually the Q slur and other shit that was never ours, and I think it's manipulative crap, but you what? I will have the rainbow flag back for LGB people, and the Q slur community can keep the progress flag.
So that's Pride for me this year, and it's given me quite a kick to go forward and really begin to campaign for LGB people and the things that matter, like universal marriage access parity, etc.

All to say, yes, I understand, but being LGB in a homophobic world was ever this, just as being a woman in a sexist world is. The fat lady is a long time from even coming on stage, let alone singing, but that just means we roll our sleeves up and get busy.

On a different device so can’t quote but re Pride being for younger people. Now I appreciate story after story of “I’m Pam, and Jean and I have been together 35 years” or “John and Alan finally got married last year after retiring “ might not be so glamorous but some balance would be nice! And actually, some young people would see those circumstances and be reassured, perfectly ordinary people in perfectly normal happy relationships.

It's a bit like the current Labour Party, tbh. All about identity and forgetting that the working class people they used to represent just want fairness and a better life than relying on benefits to top up a mediocre 37+ hour a week job. It's not an identity they need, it's a shared vision to make things better. To be proud of your roots is not the same as being eternally aclass warrior.

In the same vein, the modern corporate Pride movement has lost sight of LGB people just wanting parity with heterosexuals and campaigning for fairness in marriage, parenting, jobs and living accomodation, w/o fear of violence and intimidation. Our sexual orientation is something we are proud of in the sense that we are not ashamed. The modern Pride movement, and the Q slur community in particular, wants to be a perpetual victim, and I rather suspect is not that focused on changing the situation for LGB people worldwide because we provide a way to leverage for position on the oppression pyramid.

But the point of highlighting injustice is to end it, not claim authority because you have more intersectionality points. Gah! Drives me nuts. 'Do better'? How about Do something, you posturing arses.

Floral

In the same vein, the modern corporate Pride movement has lost sight of LGB people just wanting parity with heterosexuals and campaigning for fairness in marriage, parenting, jobs and living accomodation, w/o fear of violence and intimidation. Our sexual orientation is something we are proud of in the sense that we are notashamed

Couldn't agree more.