Aibu that the reputation of fwr being 'unsafe'

[TheSlayer]

I've been a member of Mumsnet for about a year now. Came on Sen and got lots of good, though straightforward advice. I've had no one sugar coated D's Sen and played it down as 'all babies are different'. No lack of empathy there though.
I post on fwr and have had things get heated, but generally the debate is polite. With the exception of a few regulars even the dissenting voices were civil.
However, every single time I post on aibu I get absolute venom. For really innocent posts.

So it usually goes.
Aibu- oranges and lemons say the bells of at. Clements.
Yabvu - I don't like that song. I don't have time.
Yabvu- have you thought about all the people who live in London and have to put up with that song.
Yabvu- what about pears op. Bigot.
It's St. Clements op. Educate yourself.

I mean, don't bite my head off, but I actually think it's a lot more civilized in this neck of the woods.

Loo brush no, one of those grabby things I am too lazy to buy the refills for so use loo roll. Something I would never admit on aibu for fear of being accused of single handedly bringing the ruin of toilet duck.

AIBU used to be refreshingky bracing when I first joined, but bears more resemblance to blood sport now.

I can highly recommend the gardening boards as an unexpected delight, I found the wrong topic at the wrong time on the litter tray can be quite scrapy - but you don't get that with plants

@ScreamingMeMe

They did say we must hate Meghan Markle as one of the more trivial points.

Whaaaaat???

It was an assumption that we're racist so must hate her. Funny enough they kept conflating aibu with feminists, as that's where the Meghan bashing threads are. I mean, I don't know much about her now, but I was quite impressed with her feminism as a teen(saw a video once, seemed very switched on) I can't form an opinion beyond that other than she has a much, much better dress sense than me.

It was an assumption that we're racist so must hate her.

Were they assuming all feminists are white?!

I think MN at one point banned Harry and Meghan threads on AIBU because of the vitriol aimed at Meghan.

Totally agree. I’ve been on MN for several years, lurking mainly but now again commenting.
I come on to FWR regularly to read well-reasoned and informative posts which also enable me to more fully develop my own opinions. I don’t comment much as I often don’t have much to add, but whenever I do the regular posters make me feel welcomed and heard, something that very rarely happens elsewhere on MN.
Even when a few years ago, as I first started learning about TRAs and gender identity politics, I naively used the prefix cis! Someone explained (fairly politely) why the term was not appropriate.

All GC feminists they were assimilation were white. It was a strange stumble. I left without commenting as it was batshit toxic.

Yeah I don't really get people sticking the boot in them. I've got a lot of sympathy for both the princes losing their mum so young too.

Assuming white not assimilation!

for you OP.

Robust. That's the word I use for here. Robust. There's very little/no personal attacks, mostly it's people's ideas that are questioned. If posters are not used to that kind of debate it can feel a bit threatening - they then feel under personal attack. The (mostly) women here are nearly always polite even when shredding your arguments to bits.

Each area has a unique culture. AIBU is brutal. SEN are lovely. Housekeeping are also supportive.

Gardening is lovely, it’s cosy and supportive whatever your gardening style. Although some people’s gardens make me green with envy.

@TheSlayer

I do learn a lot here. And I don't claim intellectual superiority. But people are rarely mean here. Heated, yes. Mean, no. I just think it's funny fwr has this reputation but aibu is absolutely mean. I have severe depression and twice it's sent me over the edge here. Can we have a groceries, babies, pets, life etc. Section of fwr where I can ask a non feminist related question without getting my head bitten off by the aibu meanies? I need to not go over there. It's so aggressive.

Sorry you're ill OP.

I had perinatal depression s and anxiety that went on for about 6 years...

And some threads on here sent me into a tailspin. Certain topics- even if very general chit chat could just set me off. Is that what's called being triggered maybe? Anyway I tried to ignore threads with the things in the title but it was a moth to a flame...

I do post on any thread that takes my fancy. But all over the boards the most mundane of OPs can turn into a no holds barred all in war!

AIBU is not for the faint hearted. At least here you might be flooded with facts and links to information to back up opinions and assertions…

I love it here. I feel absolutely bereft when MN is down. But I think most parts of MN outside of aibu are great. I enjoy Telly Addicts and found the breast feeding forums and relationships boards invaluable when I was going through bf and relationship hell.

Don't go near the dog walking threads. Utterly vicious

@McDuffy

The level intellect on this board is pretty high, I'd say! Not including myself I learn loads though.

I know what you mean but it makes me a bit, dunno.

I want all women who want to, to feel able to post if they want to.

The feelings and thoughts and views, when genuine, are incredibly important.

I've been here an awful long time and seen lots of phases of what it's been like.

There was a phase where it was really academic and I didn't like it. It felt like an in crowd who wrote quite impenetrable posts. It wasn't engaging and it lacked heart, as it were, a lot of the time.

I've been here so long I've been round and round. I've heard most of the goading, attempts to dominate/ belittle. The same MRA type arguments again and again.

I used to get really angry/ frustrated but now I've very much seen it all before. I keep posting as feminism is not a choice it's what I've been since before i knew the word and I know there are lurkers, and so keep getting stuck in

I like good Style and Beauty best winter coat thread myself.

Have had many a good tip. Protected Species jackets btw

When i joined MN I was told to avoid AIBU (they're nuts), The Doghouse (they're barking), and FWR (they'll eat you alive). The people that decry this section have obviously not read it, or have read it only through their own internalised misogyny. The women here have taught me a lot, and I thank them for it, in fact I have done so previously. The women here are the reason TRAs want it shut down because these women do debate, and they're brilliant at it.

So YANBU in the slightest, this is the best place on MN.

Very proud to say I survived AIBU many years ago, how I don’t know as I committed two sins, doing reversed post and putting x every-time posted.

Over the years on off coming here, I have laughed, been infuriated, had some great advice, picked up loads of bargains 1yr for Xmas, had my arsed handed to me on plate few times, flounced - deleted account created account, sulked deleted account (repeat).

FRW I used to avoid until couple of years ago and since venturing over I’ve have learnt loads.

Always notice when one of regulars is MIA, it was only part of MN that was chaos.

On the odd occasions that a post by a feminist from the FWR board is allowed to stand on AIBU, the numbers on the polls are instructive to say the least. It is quite clear clear that there is a consensus that we don’t want men in changing rooms prisons refuges etc, however they identify.

@MsFogi

Only sadists post in AIBU.

I wish someone had told me that 6 years ago when my first thread ended up in the Daily Mail

But yes, this forum's great and I've learned a lot over the last few years (like not to post in AIBU)

I keep hearing people have his fwr. How do I hide aibu?

I think everyone should spend a good three months on a primary school 'reading level' thread before venturing to other boards. Anything else on mumsnet is a picnic in comparison.

SilverBirchWithout
In another life I had my head bitten off once on FWR and remember thinking it was really harsh at the time, but the thread was informative. It was a blunt interaction, but did leave me thinking a lot more critically about the wider impact of 'be kind' statements and how those sentiments are used to shut women up.

@TheSlayer

I keep hearing people have his fwr. How do I hide aibu?

I only know how to do it on desktop.

At the top of the site, there is a blue banner which features 'Talk' 'Conception', 'Pregnancy', etc.

Underneath that banner is just 'Talk' on its own with an arrow next to it. Click the arrow, choose 'customise', then scroll right to the bottom of the options where you can hide topics so they never show in 'Active Conversations'.

If yo click on the arrow next to Talk at the top of Active you can arrange what topic syou see. I hid AIBU and Relationships ages ago. AIBU is crazy and some of the threads on Relationships blew my mind, I've been quite lucky in love but even with no major traumatic experiences I find that section I dunno, not triggering but very very upsetting.

I never used to look at FWR but it's become my favourite place now. I like Chat, that seems a bit lighter than AIBU where people will fight over anything.

I think there are a lot of assumptions made about FWR and feminism in general because for example we'll discuss an article from the Daily Mail or GB News without really looking at what is being said.

I agree that discussion on this board is frank but very rarely personal, unlike AIBU. I love your example TheSlayer. It would have fitted perfectly on a thread a few weeks ago:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4266717-Threads-you-can-tell-the-answer-to-before-opening