Fucking stickers

[bellinisurge]

I saw this exchange on Twitter (I know, I know) twitter.com/jordizzle140398/status/1407820928415830016?s=21 . Where someone objects to what they see in case it traumatises someone in a difficult situation.

Ok, I know it's whataboutery but fuck it. After my daughter was born following a traumatic delivery, I struggled with breastfeeding. I feel like a useless failure because of it. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I needed reconstructive surgery but only got it a year later because it was ignored by hcps. I got flashbacks with every encounter with a nurse. The hospital was full of "breast is best" posters. Tbe nurses had it on their lanyards. One time I had to stay with my poorly daughter overnight in hospital and was woken at 3 in the morning to take my Dd for a blood test. With a fucking BiB lanyard waving in my face.

If I had complained about it, I would have had a "well, BiB and I'm sorry you feel like that" response. I certainly wouldn't have had a "oh yes, we will take all this important health information down immediately because it traumatises you ".

Trauma leaves you with a mental illness that , quite rightly, needs to be treated properly. But not at the expense of telling the fucking truth.

Woman = Adult human female. I could not identify out of birth trauma. It was my biology. My adult human female biology.

Yes it is funny what can set you off. I remember when my husband had just died and being in M&S and being given a 20% off voucher for men's wear. Should stores be more cognisant of causing trauma or is this just part of the grieving period you have to go through, the acceptance that the world keeps turning?

The day after I was diagnosed with breast cancer (all gone now thankfully) I went to Sainsbury’s where there were volunteers outside collecting money for a cancer charity.

I was still highly distressed from the diagnosis and having someone cheerily clanging a bucket to me shouting ‘cancer’ was exactly what I did not need. I just stood and glared at them - usually I would have smiled and given money.

Perhaps I should have complained to Sainsbury’s?

Not surprising some kind soul reported these phobic stickers displaying the dreaded words "woman adult human female", we expect this by now.

What really boils my piss is that the hospital replied! When will social media teams realise that the best response is radio silence?

"Thanks for your message. We have been made aware of some inappropriate messages on posters this evening. Please know that we will take appropriate action. QEH is absolutely committed to creating an inclusive culture #inclusion #diversity #equality"

I'm so sorry, OP. What a difficult experience. Hope you've had care and support to process that properly.

The nature of PTSD and trauma is that one focuses on what look like tiny details - triggers - which can be almost anything. Trauma informed care (as I understand it) needs to be aware of mental health issues and treat them properly, which doesn't mean just avoid anything that might be triggering, that isn't solving the underlying problem. (Plus it's virtually impossible).

I do wonder whether lanyards/badges etc just should be plain and avoid anything that coudl be seen as overtly political or polemical. It's healthcare, it's not the Houses of Parliament. Nobody needs to declare they are pro LGB equality, that should be a given. Nobody needs to wear a slogan, when the underlying fact should be that they are there to support you with the best care.

www.ptsduk.org/what-is-ptsd/understanding-ptsd-flashbacks-and-triggers/

Thank you ArabellaScott . It was 15 years ago and, despite the ranty op, I feel much better. I had to fight to get help when I didn't feel like fighting. It boils my piss that organisations and businesses fall over themselves for a niche point (presumably because there is money/fear of reprisal ) in it. But don't give a shit about unfashionable issues that can be incredibly traumatic.
I agree, the fewer fucking lanyards and badges in hospitals the better.

Sympathy and best wishes to you all. All this pretence that AHF stickers can traumatise people makes a mockery of your genuine pain. No one, least of all the NHS which deals with genuine trauma, should go along with that narcissistic rubbish.

I'm a Foundation Trust member at the hospital in question. Might ask a few questions later today.

And I'm sorry too op. I had ptsd post labour/delivery and dd and I had birth injuries and needed surgery. I had panic attacks in the hospital and terrible flashbacks before I had therapy. Never did I take issue with biological facts, even if I felt like a bloody failure and was actually vulnerable.

I love that the hospital is apologising about stickers stating biological fact can't upset the mens, don't you know!!
I exclusively bf both of mine and it didn't make them any healthier, I didn't loose weight quicker, my eldest still developed allergies. I have a friend who felt pushed into bf despite previous nipple reconstruction, and I'm sure this contributed to her pnd. Another friend, a midwife, exclusively bottled fed her second. She said the only real benefit to breast was the zero cost. Hospital staff need to lay off opinions and politics. Do gooders with buckets need to remember that some of the public they are shouting trigger words at are going through traumas they couldn't possible understand.

How many of us women have had miscarriages or still births and then been asked cheerily by someone if we have children? It happens all the time and we just smile and get on with it even though it's unimaginably painful.

People who can't cope with a sticker are simply showing their privilege.

Those 'trans' stickers might traumatise a transwidow, or a detransitioner.

How on Earth do people who are upset by the sticker manage in a world half full of actual adult human females and girls... except, I suppose, by keeping them firmly in their second class place.

Nobody is a failure for struggling to breastfeed. I hate what happens to women in (some) hospitals. Treated like machines, offered the bare minimum of support, sometimes actively abused, then made to feel like its their fault for 'failing' to perform a certain way. Awful. We fail women (and babies) far too often.

My own difficulties with bf-ing and PND etc led me to become a peer supporter to try and help other women have a better experience. It's eye opening when you look at the subject in a wider context. (I'll be one of those do-gooders, I expect). Women in maternity deserve to be given the very best of care - I've experience this too, it can and does happen. Just there's such a wide divergence and often such deeply bedded in problems with funding, infrastructure, staffing, etc.

to all women and mothers affected by this. It's something that touches so many of us very deeply, unsurprisingly.

The issue is these people want to remove anything that could possibly trigger them because they cannot mentally deal with their own cognitive dissonance, not because of any actual trauma, and those who have experienced traumatic events leading to their dysphoria are not being allowed to explore any possible causes to enable them to work through it.

It's sticking a plaster on a gaping wound. It won't stop the pain or help it heal.

Adam's Apples here and yet all I've ever heard from health care professionals is that I need to manage my triggers and I can't expect the word to mould itself to my wishes. Strange how there seems to be one approach for one group and a different one for another doesn't it.

The difference between the stickers and things like BiB lanyards is that the stickers were placed there as a gender critical statement. A political statement specifically against the transactivist movement.
Not comparable to things in society that already exist which may subsequently trigger various people.

(And I say this as a GC feminist who owns adult human female merchandise)

What annoys me about that twitter post is they’ve set it so only the hospital can reply.

Usual echo chamber.

@GaileyGirl

The day after I was diagnosed with breast cancer (all gone now thankfully) I went to Sainsbury’s where there were volunteers outside collecting money for a cancer charity.

I was still highly distressed from the diagnosis and having someone cheerily clanging a bucket to me shouting ‘cancer’ was exactly what I did not need. I just stood and glared at them - usually I would have smiled and given money.

Perhaps I should have complained to Sainsbury’s?

No, you should have identified as not having cancer. That would have fixed it.

Incidentally, the only other arena in which I see calls for the whole world to accommodate someone's individual needs so much is in anorexia / eating disorder recovery.

The idea that people (who don't have an ED) should not talk about diet / exercise / calories in front of the sufferer in case it is triggering or distressing. The idea that calorie counts, food labels and BMI are dangerous because they could be triggering.

I am starting to find this increasingly frustrating. Part of recovery (from an ED, from an addiction, from trauma) is about being able to manage your response to triggering things rather than trying to control your environment so completely that you never see anything triggering. The idea that if anything (being misgendered, not passing, hearing someone refer to weight watchers) triggers you, you can't cope so must never be in a situation where you could be triggered is not recovery. It's a prison.

@Eminybob , I take your point but I am not the only woman who has struggled to bf and I am not the only woman who has had her concerns dismissed about how it is set as an ideal that many people cannot achieve.

My point is that why be so concerned about the feelings of one group and not give much of a shit about the other.

@bellinisurge I totally agree with you.

I think that the removal of the word woman from sanitary products, mother from maternity care, using chestfeeding instead of breast feeding etc etc so as not to trigger a small minority of the trans community is absolutely abhorrent. And I agree with the sticker campaign to highlight the issue.

But I suppose what I’m trying to say is that removal of the stickers so as not to offend is not comparable to the removal of, for example, the use of the word woman in general life so as not to offend.

I agree with you, OP. My DM died when I was a young adult, and for years the whole Mother's Day hoopla felt bloody raw. But even at the time I knew that it meant a lot to many other people and I just needed to get on, grow up and accept what life had thrown at me.

You can't protect people from reality forever. It has to be faced and dealt with, not concealed or denied.

@bellinisurge

I think it is the injustice of it. the unequal treatment. only one group are considered worth bothering about and we ain't it...

Oh and I have had to sit through several months of someone in a small group of people processing dv outloud and the bloody news going on about increase in dv stirring up tough feelings. but hknow it was important to the processor and it was important that dv was raised on the news... not the same I know as your experience but.. sympathy..

How on Earth do people who are upset by the sticker manage in a world half full of actual adult human females and girls... except, I suppose, by keeping them firmly in their second class place.