Really thought provoking article from Meghan Murphy

[QuentinBunbury]

I really enjoyed this
www.feministcurrent.com/2021/06/17/feminism-has-failed-to-offer-tools-for-young-women-to-truly-feel-empowered/
She's framed it around feminism but actually I think it's a reflection of society and current parenting practices. Maybe there is a correlation with the fact that women are under greater pressure to be amazing mothers as the housework burden has been reduced.

Anyway, am interested in others thoughts and what as feminists we can do to respond to some of the issues she raises

@ISaySteadyOn
"I think that parenting advice from when mine were small was that self esteem can be imposed if you just mother right so if your child has low self esteem, it makes you a bad mother. But that takes away autonomy from the child. And the idea that no child is ever naughty takes away the possibility of learning to redeem oneself and make amends. I am rambling but these are the thoughts that essay provokes."

I haven't read the article yet but I think that the urge to blame women (and specifically mothers, in this case) has distorted the way we frame problems in childrearing, so that's the feminist connection, maybe. If we looked at those problems in a neutral, non-women-blaming way, we might come up with different and better answers.

Agree

Wow. Lots of amazing positive statements in there I would love to speak out loud about myself.
I agree that there did come a point in my journey as a feminist when I felt feminism was another ideal women were supposed to live up to. I decided I didn't need to smash the patriarchy or prove that I could make it in a mans world, nor was I going to be an ideal housewife or perfect mother.
This took a lot of pressure off and helped me feel a lot more liberated than the feminism I'd been perusing up until then.

Yes mrsbunhat I think that's what MM is saying too.
She says But the idea that one can and should make intentional choices in one’s life that will empower you on a personal level is not one that is advocated by modern feminism or by the left.

A big part of my feminism is to try to encourage women and girls around me to feel confident about their actions. I question women who put themselves down about why they are doing that when they are clearly competent, intelligent humans. I encourage women around me to trust their judgement and exercise their rights.

I also question things I think are potentially damaging to women even if it's not the popular view (I.e. my feelings about porn, sex workers, pronouns and female only space are not a secret)

Quentin yes I relate to that too - and I find it amazing how many of the women I know even older ones like me, will do themselves down or be reluctant to do what they really want, and get a raw deal in their marriages. I’m not judging them and I know I’m immersed in it all as well, but it’s so prevalent considering so many people will say women are equal now and feminism no longer needed. I always try to encourage them and bolster confidence as you describe.

One thing I always try to do is never assume anything or anyone is male and use she instead at least half the time - I thought this was important for my kids to hear, but I do it with other people too. E.g. I will talk about a passing magpie or a spider I’m putting out as “she”, I’ll refer to the plane’s pilot as “she” if it’s unknown. It’s AMAZING how hard this is to do at first and how many people really don’t like it and think you’re being deliberately difficult or obnoxious. Even though I never lecture anyone or tell them to do it or anything. I’m just trying to level the playing field wherever I find it lacking.

With spiders, ants, and bees, she is the accurate pronoun the majority of the time fwiw

Yes but people don't generally say she even if they know that!
However they do with chickens and cows :)

No, I know. I just think it's interesting that there are so many minibeasts that are shes and yet the tendency is to use the masculine pronoun.

When in doubt, it's a male. This is what I understood growing up. If you don't know the sex assume male, male is the default. It's interesting, it's the opposite of what actually happens in the womb, where female is the default and to become male the foetus requires an actual event (the release of specific hormones at specific times in pg, I believe).

I like the idea of switching to assume female. I shall try to do that.

On a similar note I always change the pronouns in my DS book to she because for some inexplicable reason they are nearly always a he. Even all the animals!