First 'chat with HR'

[Iwasonlytryingtohelp]

I mentioned LGB Alliance in a conf call (HR director asked for input on which diversity and inclusion external groups to engage with). Someone stated it was a transphobic organisation, so I just said I was happy to discuss off line. Today I have been approached by my HR business partner 'to chat'.

“The obsessive focus on this tiny, tiny proportion of any given workforce is unbalancing, and it does mean that there is a strong likelihood that as employers sign up to Stonewall programmes, there will be equality impacts for other protected groups, particularly women but also religious groups.”

Thank you for posting this, and the reference for it.

This is a really good cut-out-and-keep to bat back to all sorts of people (including HR) when they focus only on the T of the LGBT

But I doubt it would have been useful in a training session I was in last week, on doing annual professional reviews with people I manage, in which an HR EDI adviser told us (with a perfectly straight face) that we should avoid using language such as "man" "woman" "mother" "father" "sons" "daughters" etc, when doing our one to ones with our colleagues. Because we shouldn't assume ...

It was ludicrous.

The more I think about this the worse I feel. For the sake of a couple of words on an all staff meeting chat, I have drawn attention to myself in the worst way possible. I genuinely don't believe there is anything wrong in what I have said or done, but I will no doubt have caused management attention to be diverted to this. If people believe I have suggested engagement with a transphobic organisation, they will think I hold transphobic views. Even if they are GC, I doubt I will be viewed in a favourable light. It showed real lack of judgement and awareness. Wondering about talking to DH but while he knows my views I suspect he will be pissed off I may have jeopardised my job. So may not help my stress levels.

It’s only natural to feel worried when in the middle of something, I hope you can take comfort in the fact that the Charity Commission have recently scrutinised LGBA and not found them wanting, conversely SW are currently a hot topic for the opposite reasons
for you

You have alerted your organisation to an issue in order to avoid reputational damage. The tide IS turning Channel 4 and OFSTED are the latest bodies to leave Stonewall. Make a list of all of them to give to HR if you need to. Keep stressing the issue of reputational damage to the company if they are seen to be getting the law wrong.

@Iwasonlytryingtohelp

The more I think about this the worse I feel. For the sake of a couple of words on an all staff meeting chat, I have drawn attention to myself in the worst way possible. I genuinely don't believe there is anything wrong in what I have said or done, but I will no doubt have caused management attention to be diverted to this. If people believe I have suggested engagement with a transphobic organisation, they will think I hold transphobic views. Even if they are GC, I doubt I will be viewed in a favourable light. It showed real lack of judgement and awareness. Wondering about talking to DH but while he knows my views I suspect he will be pissed off I may have jeopardised my job. So may not help my stress levels.

I am really sorry you feel that way but you need to reframe it. You were polite, thorough, independent minded, and well researched. These are all admirable and useful skills on any subject; and any decent colleague would recognise it. Others won't have noticed and many others may be privately questioning if not GC. I would just focus on getting on with your job. You will not please or be in agreement with everyone and that is fine. Too many women are people pleasers to an excessive degree. Your standing up for your lawful views in the medium term will serve you well so be proud of it

Too many women are people pleasers to an excessive degree.

Completely agree with this. The HRD asked for suggestions, the OP gave one, someone else chipped in about it disagreeing with the suggestion. The HRD is following up to get more information about the suggestion. Cue full on catastrophising and repentance.

(It's not a great suggestion anyway as LGB alliance don't have any corporate training at present.)

The stressing out about jeapordising your job is completely over the top. It's interesting how excessively people pleasing women are. It's only taken one case, Maya's, to get women to cower in fear. It's fascinating to watch how easily this is done.

Thanks for the support. I am going to get on with my weekend and continue to deliver well at work.

Please try to reframe this in your mind OP. Tough as it is, we need to stop being afraid of this as it plays into the hands of those trying to silence us.

You spoke up for something you conscientiously believe to be fair and reasonable. You are not wobbling because you’ve changed your mind, you are wobbling due to fear of consequences.

And while I understand that, the only thing that will end this is by people doing what you’ve done. A few have suffered consequences and they are now leading this charge.

You are a brave, conscientious woman and whatever happens now, you will cope. And if your husband truly loves and respects you, he will be at your side. If not, then you’ve learned something about him that you may not like, but at least will be the truth.

We can’t continue to walk through life in fear. If we do, nothing will ever change. And change is what we need, for ourselves and for our daughters.

You’ve done nothing wrong. Hopefully the one who completed has actually read more on the topic and learned something.

OP, you've done nothing wrong.

As others have said, it's enormously stressful to speak up on this issue. It's sad that you feel you've put yourself on the spot just for standing up for something that matters. I think if it shows anything, it shows courage and integrity.

Enjoy your weekend.

If anything the prison who raised a rather premature and reactionary complain has marked their own cards. Others will see this too.

On another thread somebody has used the phrase, "controversial lobbying group" Stonewall. And, you know, for the purposes of its discussion and its commercial activities, it is.

Hope you have a great weekend.

You behave correctly and professionally at work.

And it is just as likely that others at work share your views, but are just keeping quiet.

You are probably their secret heroine!

You've done nothing wrong, OP. Don't get this thread deleted because if HR does decide to take this further and make life difficult for you there's a whole load of evidence for your tribunal. And of course Maya's case and the Reindorf report (which mentions indirect discrimination) will back you up.

But it's not going to come to that. They're going to read the conclusion of the Reindorf report, read a couple of articles about Ofsted etc leaving Stonewall and be silently grateful that you've saved your organisation the embarrassment of getting involved.

You've shown integrity and professionalism. They are lucky to have you.

I am rather relieved at the outcome of Maya's case, but not half as relieved as I bet she is. She must have ovaries of steel.

I am so angry that resources and nerves are being spent arguing that water is wet and grass is green.

How did we get here?

All you have to do now op, is mention Maya and you'll have everyone running for cover . Hope things are ok for you

It has gone quiet. I have business reason to communicate with the person who said LGBA was thought transphobic by some, and the messages we exchanged were completely normal on-topic and business like. I did have a comment from another woman I don't know well, asking how I was as part of online business chat, which may have been conversational nicety or something to indicate she was aware of the issues at stake. I intend to continue treating all with respect and dignity and focussing on my work. No need to say more. Btw I am in Scotland and I think there is a long way to go here but I will continue to do what I can outside of work to support women's rights.

Good to know that things seem to have returned to normal.

I wonder how much of the SNP stance on trans issues is to put two fingers up to Westminster?!

@toffeebutterpopcorn

I am so angry that resources and nerves are being spent arguing that water is wet and grass is green.

How did we get here?

Because people on the right and far right are good at fuelling nonsense to divide the left?

Glad to hear things are better OP

I don’t think it’s a right wing/fuelled thing. Seems more leftish.

Its not leftish, its neoliberal; and was originally pushed by the neoliberal right, especially here in the UK.

Sorry you’ll have to explain that to me in Ladybird terms... it’s a long time since I studied politics and economics. All I see is Keir Starmer announcing that he will being in self ID and I get very nervous.

I wonder how much of the SNP stance on trans issues is to put two fingers up to Westminster?!

They would be putting two fingers up to Westminster much more effectively if they campaigned for independence as is supposedly their raison d'etre, but that seems to have fallen by the wayside in favour of this stuff. I therefore conclude that's not the reason.