"I don’t think I will ever feel 100% safe again.” Why are women still treated as completely unimportant?

[CardinalLolzy]

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/may/24/it-was-like-a-horror-film-sophie-walker-on-her-stalking-nightmare-and-how-the-police-failed-her

Yet another appalling story of man stalking woman (and children) and the police being utterly shit.
I know they are desperately underfunded but surely this sort of thing should be an easy case and stopping him early would prevent a lot of further police work when it inevitably turns into serious harm or murder?

Why is this acceptable?

I agree that many women are in denial about male violence. I had the dispiriting experience recently of being in a meeting where the issue of domestic abuse came up and a woman safeguarding expert started going on about how it wasn’t just women at risk, men get abused by women too, and all the WATM talking points. I was getting ready to explode when a policy expert, who actually works in dv shelters, gently said that no, this is a gendered issue, 90% of victims are women, they suffer far worse abuse and are in more danger... and the topic was dropped. But it’s really not uncommon to see women denying the reality of male violence.

@NoIdontwanttoseeyourknob

Yep I remember at the time thinking where are the articles asking why young men are going out and getting so drunk that they're prepared to go back to a complete stranger's house? Where was the condemnation of those men's friends going off and leaving them alone and vulnerable?

Nothing. Radio silence.

@NiceGerbil I think women blame other women to give themselves a false sense of security. "It wouldn't happen to me because I'd never walk down that alley/wear something like that/stay with a violent man etc"

@QuentinBunbury oh ffs. I am hugely sympathetic for rape victims! It was a comment on the disgustingly low number of charges never mind prosecutions. To spell it out: rape laws, investigations and sentences are kept in way that means almost no one is ever every convinced and sentenced for rape. So almost every single rapist is walking free right now. If that changed and even 1/2 of rapists were held accountable which would still leave 1/2 walking free, there would be a noticeable change in social and economic statues. Or if rapists had to face consequences that would affect people in their pocket and the society we live in doesn’t want that. Or woman are less important than money.

Education is key to this whole male violence problem. Instead of focussing on gender in schools, they should start by impressing on students what is acceptable behaviour, stop treating young, male violence as "boys will be boys". Teach boys what is not acceptable, try to impress on girls, that they do not have to accept anything which they feel uneasy about, or do not want to do.
Deal with the massive increase of easily available porn - put a stop to it. Stop all kinds of violent porn immediately.
Stop glorifying violence and porn in films, TV, media.
Stop trivialising violence against women, reform and educate the police and judiciary.

[quote Andthenanothercupoftea]@NiceGerbil I think women blame other women to give themselves a false sense of security. "It wouldn't happen to me because I'd never walk down that alley/wear something like that/stay with a violent man etc"[/quote]
Yes I agree with this. After my first rape, I had a rape counsellor (woman) that was judgemental. She made me think I’d missed all these red flags and it was her job to educate me on how to keep myself safe. By going over the entire time in excruciating step by step to highlight my “missed opportunities” to “avoid or escape the situation”.

She made me so ashamed and guilty and that I was to blame that when police asked if I wanted to press charges, I chose not to. A choice I regret. And what was worse is this one women who should have stood with me, made me blame myself for almost thirty years.

I still think of her and I’m less angry now because I think maybe part of her attitude was that it was the 90s? Things were different then, literally the advice was to make your rapist beat you up so you had bruises, cut lip, black eye, broken bone....serious injury otherwise chances are can’t prove rape. Women who simply froze from fear- couldn’t prove rape. AIDS was a big crisis and HIV a death sentence and I remember a woman raped and pressed charges, but he was let off because she had begged him to use a condom. They said that was consent to sex. When really she was so afraid of catching AIDs and then dying from the rape!

NiceGerbil

"Men are and always have been really freaked out at the idea of being sexually attacked by another man."

May I ask for a source? FWIW I cannot recall ever being "freaked out" by the thought of being sexually attacked by another man, because rightly or wrongly I don't consider it likely enough to happen to spend one second of my time thinking about. Maybe I am completely ignorant of how other men think, but honestly, I have never seen a shred of evidence that any man gives any thought to the subject, but of course some must do. Never heard a man expressing fears or seen a man taking the sorts of precautions women do on their way home from a night out.

A source? Only knowing lots of men!

You've never heard a backs to the wall type comment or joke? About dropping the soap? That sort of stuff?

You'll have to take my word for it that it's not unusual. You don't have to obviously.

I know that there are some facilities that men avoid as they're known for cottaging as well.

On the swearing. That's fair. Many people don't notice that being penetrated / taking the 'female' role in sex is the root of many common expletives.

Like.
I'm buggered
He's fucked
Bend over for X
Y got screwed

Etc etc

Why do you think male toilet etiquette is so very strict, and so different from women's.

@NiceGerbil

Why do you think male toilet etiquette is so very strict, and so different from women's.

I think part of it is down to men's seemingly innate sense of hierarchy/competitiveness. Being a 'girly man' isn't seen as very alpha, basically.