Geek Girl author on her autism diagnosis

[Tootsweets23]

This is quite a powerful read on her experiences being diagnosed with autism at 39, and how being female impacted on her experiences.

I thought her observations on men and dating so illuminating (and awful as she was assaulted and raped). She says she assumed men would be honest, which made her more vulnerable to terrible men.

She's in the comments responding to people, many are women with adult diagnoses of autism all sharing similar stories.

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/a2c2636e-b7d3-11eb-98e3-d1306649ebf7?shareToken=11ef9268283dd863cc12f999b1eb614d

I identify with everything she said. As a bullied child I remember buying the same clothes and accessories the bullies had, dressing up in my bedroom at home and looking in the mirror trying to teach myself how to pass as “one of them”. I still watch other people for cues on how to dress and behave. I’ve been abused because I was too trusting and put myself in dangerous situations. I’ve put up with horrible boyfriends, not because I didn’t want to lose them, but because I didn’t want to lose their group of friends. I’ve never had friends of my own.

In my 30s I retrained for a new job in beauty therapy and someone told me I didn’t look right for the role. I remember saying well then I’ll just make myself look that way, it’s like wearing a costume? And she clearly didn’t understand my viewpoint because she kept saying but that’s not your real self, that’s not who you are? What I’m saying is that you, the real you, doesn’t have the right image. And she really didn’t grasp that I was able to just put on a new image like an outfit and wear it convincingly, because I’ve been doing it my whole life.

Diagnosis is difficult to achieve though. My GP said there’s no resources in the NHS for diagnosing adults, nobody cares if you’re autistic or not and a diagnosis makes no odds.

As someone who loved Anne of Green Gables and has read and re read it as a child and an adult, I’m not sure of her point here, there’s nothing in particular I could pick up on as autistic traits with Anne, but very happy to be corrected.

I agree on diagnosing others in books and especially don't think you can say they're canonical. The recent Netflix Anne of Green Gables shows someone with clear signs of attachment disorder, and on re reading the books I can see it there too. Attachment disorder and autism can exhibit similarly.

"Why didn't the counsellor just say it" - probably because it's such a sensitive topic. When I was diagnosed, a short time afterwards I asked a friend did she think she might be too (and I still think she is!) - she was really offended and things haven't quite been the same since.

My DD was diagnosed 2 years ago, at 10 and loves the Geek Girl books! I was so moved by this piece. Thank you for sharing.

Really interesting article. I hope the author can now relax into who she is going forward.

@NotTerfNorCis

It's a really interesting article, and I'm glad she got her diagnosis. One thing gave me pause, though - fictional characters like Lisa Simpson are meant to be autistic? Surely someone can be academic, nerdy and socially awkward without being autistic?

As I understood it, it's not about whether a fictional character is or isn't autistic, but about the (human) longing to see someone 'like you' when you find yourself different from others and aren't sure why, especially as a child. Being autistic can be incredibly isolating and forming friendships is challenging when you find it hard to relate to other people and other people find it hard to relate to you. A TV or book character who exhibits traits and characteristics that make you feel 'hey that's like me' can have a profound impact on your sense of self.

Oh wow my autistic 12 year old loved geek girl and will be pleased to hear the author is lile her.

I really recommend "Can you hear me?" to parents of teenage girls. If was written between an autistic girl and an author and although has the odd page of "telling you about autism/how to help/what is happenjng in a meltdown" they are from her perspective which is so helpful.

Like many on this thread I'm pretty sure I am...

I have often wondered if there is correlation between giftedness/high Iq/whatever you want to call it and geekiness with autism.

Thank you for posting the article op

I was diagnosed in my 20s and have a teenage dd who was diagnosed at 10. I mask all day at work and she masks all day at school. Both of us are thoroughly exhausted by it but can't stop! The desire to fit in and not stand out is so strong even now I'm in my 40s.

Masking is one of the reasons I am currently waking up from nightmares almost every day.

Throughout the pandemic I have (ironically) been the physically healthiest I have ever been - because I don't have to mask all day every day. I've also avoided shops, my gym, and all busy public places. I've regained hours in my evening (which I used to spend recovering from the day), taken up exercise, eaten better, all because of working from home and being able to be "me" all the time.

We normally work in a huge hot desking office in a very busy building. I woke up in a cold sweat this morning from a dream where we've all been told to go back in; everyone else was just overjoyed and loud and the building was rammed full of people, and there's me, lost and overwhelmed and scared. It's been like this for a few weeks now.

Don't get me wrong, if I could flick a switch meaning the pandemic never happened, I would, but WFH has been a life changer.

What an incredible piece. I knew a little about masking, but had never really considered just how much effort it would take to maintain.
@Lemmen can you talk to your boss and HR now to ask for an adjustment so you can continue to wfh? Perhaps send them this article to help them understand why.

it went undiagnosed and she definitely has asd and possibly adhd as well.

can you give your evidence to this government consultation. your message is important and affects thousands of women and girls ❤️
www.gov.uk/government/consultations/womens-health-strategy-call-for-evidence

Ive told my daughter who just said, "I knew that." Now considering she read the books a couple of years ago... I think she just assumed the author to be autistic as she related to the content so much 😁.

She wasn't at all impressed by my revelation!

Diagnosis is difficult to achieve though. My GP said there’s no resources in the NHS for diagnosing adults, nobody cares if you’re autistic or not and a diagnosis makes no odds.

@Donitta

Your GP is wrong. A quick Google search will throw up lots of info about NICE guidelines around adult autism.

A diagnosis, for me, was life changing. It's wrong to say 'nobody cares' or 'it makes no odds'. See a different GP and stand your ground.

www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/pre-diagnosis/adults

Alternatively, there are private diagnostic pathways. Here's 2 found within 30 seconds:

www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/diagnosticservices

www.actionforaspergers.org/diagnostic-service/

A private assessment/diagnosis is equally as valid as an NHS assessment/diagnosis.

It really makes me angry that women are told to 'run along and get on with life' and often misdiagnosed with mental health problems when they're actually on the spectrum. The diagnosis, for me, brought acceptance of myself and my 'weirdness'. IDGAF what other people think of me, I never have, but I always carried doubt about not conforming.

A diagnosis gave me to green light to say goodbye to multiple masks. The relief of finally learning who I am was immense.

In the words of Hannah Gadsby - 'It felt like I’d been handed the keys to the city of me'.

Perfect analogy.

@NotTerfNorCis

It's a really interesting article, and I'm glad she got her diagnosis. One thing gave me pause, though - fictional characters like Lisa Simpson are meant to be autistic? Surely someone can be academic, nerdy and socially awkward without being autistic?

The key word is canonical.

So these are characters and people that a community of people have adopted as their own. Doesn't make them officially autistic but relatable enough that they've been put in that box.

I'm autistic myself and am not sure I fully agree with this approach but some people really do need to see themselves reflected out there in the world to feel ok about themselves, which is really sad when you think about it. If there were overtly autistic characters and more people openly autistic in public life then they wouldn't need to scrabble around for anyone slightly similar.

That's why this article is so important.

By the way, the Welsh government has invested quite heavily in adult autism diagnostic services so the UK isn't one amorphous mass when it comes to diagnosing autism.

I had a wait but there's a very clearly defined pathway.

Brilliant article, thank you for sharing. Really strongly reminded me of a girl I went to school with who was diagnosed as bipolar very young (completely inappropriately in my opinion))

The misdiagnosis of girls and sectioning for mental health issues is a massive hidden scandal still to come out I feel.

Yes, I agree she meant 'canonical' in the way fans use it, which doesn't mean it's an explicit part of the show/book but does mean it's something most fans agree could be true based on what you do know. Eg might be a diagnosis that no one mentions, or that two characters slept together.

Really great article, thanks for sharing. Lots to think about and I am pleased the author has found happiness through her diagnosis.

Took years to get my daughter diagnosed. Only managed it as school had a TAMHS (Targeted Mental Health in SChools) worker who listened to me, watched her at school and persuaded CAMHS to see her. Had been knocked back several times before.

There is an adult clinic in our area (South London) who seem to see people quite quickly. I know another mum diagnosed there recently and there is some after support which she has really appreciated. So it is worth looking to see is there is anything in your area.

JustcameoutGC thank you - ironically my manager has been really supportive and seems fine about the idea of me continuing to WFH for the most part, with maybe an occasional day or meeting in the office - so why my unconscious is tormenting me, I don't know. I guess it's because it's looming as an unknown?

Still, one day at a time, and hopefully once I'm through the vaccines everything will feel less scary anyway.

I can't bear the thought of having to commute to and from work every day. I'm sensitive to smells and have to suppress daily waves of nausea and headaches from things like people's strong perfumes or just the sort of smells that emanate from people and their clothes. 🤢

Fortunately it does seem like my employer is open to a more blended form of working but it remains to be seen how many days we are allowed to work from home.

@Lemmen I have become so much more aware of the needs of individuals in my team over lockdown, and as a manager I am much more confident and competent in working with people to agree adjustments that keep them working at their best.

Also, I think everyone appreciates that a few little adjustments can really help people, and the team still works fine. The work gets done, people are healthier and happier. No one really bats an eyelid. Whereas before the pandemic people with different working practices and patterns would have stuck out more.

Your manager sounds like a good egg, very likely everyone else is too.

I was diagnosed two years ago at 60+. ASD and dyspraxia. I'm still very slowly coming to terms with what this means for me and its effects on my life. In fact I find it almost impossible to describe what it means. In some ways I've had an easier time than her because I mostly dgaf what people think of me.

When I got my diagnosis I told the other mums in my pub quiz time excitedly "Now I know why I'm weird". I got lots of questions but at the end of the evening I pointed out that none of them had challenged my use of the word "weird".

Great article. But as someone who is both an obsessive fan of Anne of Green Gables, and works with teen girls with autism, I can't see any suggestions of autism in Anne. (I realise this is a minor point in the context of the whole article)